


Ossa Mea

by FrankieFandom



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Established Relationship, Gunshot Wounds, M/M, Major Illness, Mild Sexual Content, Sick Character, Whump, hurt!Casey, sick!Casey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-02 00:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieFandom/pseuds/FrankieFandom
Summary: Casey and Severide have never had simple lives.





	1. Hurt

Casey was sitting at the desk in his quarters navigating his way through a huge stack of maintenance forms when Severide appeared outside the door with a huge grin spread across his face. He didn't bother to knock. He just walked in, shut the door and plonked himself down on Casey's bunk, lying down with his hands clasped behind his head. "So I was thinking... tomorrow night we could go to that new bar downtown? Carluccio's? Looks pretty good."

A deep frown came to Casey's face and he spun his chair around, chewing on the end of his pen. "Huh?" he spoke, as if he hadn't heard what Severide had said.

"Well you see, we seem to have developed some kinda date night thing?"

"You say that like its a bad thing?" Casey quizzed him.

"Not at all," Severide shook his head. "I like it. But if you want we could always lounge around at home... couch, beer, watch a game?"

"Who's playing?"

Severide shrugged. "Dunno but somebody will be," he grinned cheekily.

"Carluccio's it is then," Casey nodded his agreement.

"Good food, good wine and beer, and then afterwards we could..." Severide was saying as the alarms went and the dispatcher's voice came over the speakers, ending rest of their discussion.

_"Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25, motor vehicle accident..."_

Without waiting for the dispatch to finish Casey and Severide both got to their feet, walking quickly out of the office towards the apparatus floor.

* * *

Cruz brought the rig to a halt and Casey jumped out of the cab onto the roadway. He took stock of the scene as he placed his helmet on his head. Several vehicles looked to be involved and numerous people were milling around them already. One of the cars had smashed into a store front, shattering the windows and sending glass fragments everywhere, along with debris from inside the store. Bullet holes riddled one whole side of the car. A few yards away another vehicle had simply come to a standstill, the windshield shattered by bullets and sprayed with blood inside.  
  
Squad 3 went to work stabilising the car that was in the smashed storefront, as Casey's truck team went across to crack open the other stationary car so Ambulance 61 could get to the driver. But he was dead before they had chance to even get him out of the vehicle and into the ambulance.

Casey spotted some blood that looked out of place at the open passenger door. "Think there's another victim..." he spoke his thoughts aloud.  
  
He and Herrmann spread out and started to search the area, it wasn't long before Casey discovered more blood and a smudged red footprint a few yards away.  
  
"Chief," Casey called over to Boden, "We've got another vic. Footprints..."

"Careful Casey, PD are on their way," Boden warned as he saw him following the footprints to the building.

Casey could already hear the wail of police sirens in the distance as he followed the trail of blood.

The blood led Casey into the darkened shop. Severide was watching now he'd walked past. "Store was closed. Shop owners are fine, they're over…" 

Casey shook his head. "Someone else is hurt, look at the blood," he nodded down to the ground as he stepped through the threshold. He unclipped his flashlight, flicked on the switch and called out, "Fire department! Is anyone there?" He lit the trail of blood with the beam of light and followed it to the back of the store, what had been small blobs of blood were quickly getting larger and larger. "Fire department! Is anyone…"

Severide heard Casey's voice cut off as they pulled the victim out of the car.

"It's all right," Casey spoke, his hands raised into the air. "It's ok, I'm not a cop," he nodded encouragingly at the young man, probably no more than a teenager, as he waved a gun up at him with a shaky hand. "You're bleeding a lot, let me help you… first you need to put that gun down…"  
  
The man slowly started to drop his arm.  
  
"Good, just put it down on the ground and let me help you."

Casey's heart was pounding but relief flooded through him as he watched the man bend down to place the weapon onto the ground. But his relief came too soon and the sound of police outside shouting and slamming vehicle doors startled the young man.  
  
"Shit man! You called the cops!" he cursed at Casey and suddenly the gun was pointing at Casey again and his hands were raised back up.

"Case?"' Severide's voice called through the darkened store. "'Casey! You ok back there? Find anyone?'"

"Tell him everything's fine," the young man hissed at Casey, waving the gun at him again.

A flash of annoyance swept across Casey's face at being ordered around. He sighed and turned his head in the direction of Severide's voice. "Everything's fine Kelly," Casey called back.

But something in his tone and the way Casey used his first name told Severide that everything was not fine and he quietened his steps as he moved towards where Casey stood, seeing the outline of his helmet above the shelving units told him where he was.

"Tell him to leave!" the man insisted.

"They know something's wrong," Casey's voice was quiet but steady, "It's not too late, just put the gun down and..."  
  
But Casey couldn't get any further words out before the gun fired and he fell to the floor with a stifled cry. Severide left the young man to make an exit through the back of the store, he knew he'd only be met by several police officers. Instead he turned his attention immediately to Casey who hadn't gotten up from the floor.

"Matt? You hurt?" Severide asked, quickly kneeling down. It was too dark for him to see Casey properly and the flashlight was on the floor a few feet away. Severide unclipped his own flashlight and shone it on Casey, as he helped him up onto his knees he saw the blood spreading over his turnout coat sleeve.

Casey groaned beneath his grip. "I've been shot... fuck that hurts…"

"You're all right." Severide watched the blood continue blossom out on Casey's arm. "You're ok…"

He bit his lip, the pain radiated from his arm. "Argh... think I might pass out..."

"Don't even think about it," Severide stated. "Not hauling you outa here... come on, on your feet."

He let Severide help him up from the floor."Fuck…" he cried out. He took some deep breaths before moving forwards out of the store with Severide's assistance.

Everyone had heard the gunshot and were waiting with anticipation before the two lieutenants emerged from the building, Casey was partially held by Severide. Two paramedics rushed up to them at the sight of blood. 61 had already left the scene with another victim. Out of the privacy of the store Casey grit his teeth against the worsening pain but Severide could see Casey's eyes watering as he led him to the back of the ambulance.

Chief Boden was standing at the open ambulance doors, concern etched across his features. Severide had clambered up behind Casey. He watched as Casey struggled with his turnout jacket. "Just let them cut it off," Severide insisted, "It's got two holes in it now anyway and it's covered in blood..."

"Oh come on..." Casey protested, "You know how much paper work is involved in getting a..."

Just to prove a point Severide tried to pull the jacket off without causing Casey major pain but it wasn't possible. Casey just looked up at him, resigned to the fact that the paramedics would have to cut it away and he would have to requisition a new one.  
  
"Cut it off," Severide smiled smugly at the paramedics.

Once Casey's turnout jacket was pulled away Severide's eyes widened with shock at the amount of blood spread out over his grey polo shirt. The paramedic immediately cut the sleeve away and pulled it down his arm. Severide noticed how his face had paled, how he was trembling and he heard the occasional groan escaping his lips as the paramedics worked on him and examined the wound on his upper arm. Casey bit his lip, drawing blood.

"We've got an exit wound, bullet may have hit bone on its way through," the paramedic informed them.  "How's the pain Lieutenant?"

"I can manage," Casey replied quickly.

"Give him something," Severide requested. Casey just gave him a look that said be careful, don't give us away. He was becoming too involved, showing too much care, but friends did that, right? They were always careful to keep their relationship from the rest of the house and the last thing they needed was this incident to give them away.

"I'm gonna give you a shot Lieutenant, need to put a pressure bandage on this, it'll hurt, especially if the bullet has broken bone," one of the paramedics told Casey as the other began to wrap his arm with the pressure bandage, to try and prevent further blood loss. Casey groaned as they wrapped the arm and he didn't feel the sting of the shot as they gave him morphine to try and dull the agony.

Boden pulled Severide away to supervise the clean up, and he wanted to protest, wanted to go with Casey to the hospital but he knew better and besides which, he knew that the injury wouldn't be life threatening. "See you at the hospital," he said, squeezing Casey's good arm reassuringly before climbing down to join the chief.

"M'all right Chief," Casey muttered, seeing the 51 leader shooting him a questioning look, feeling the effects of the morphine flowing through him now.

Boden gave a curt nod and stepped away with Severide to sort out the chaotic mess of a scene.

One of the paramedics had inserted an IV port into Casey's hand and hooked him up to fluids and clipped a pulse-oximeter onto his finger. They were trying in vain to get Casey to lie down but he resisted until the full effects of the morphine took hold and he finally lay back, too drugged to put up a fight any longer.

Casey could feel every pothole and rut in the tarmac that jolted him incessantly as the ambulance made its way to the hospital. He was still clutching his arm tightly against his stomach as he was wheeled into the ER. He had tried to persuade the paramedics to let him walk in and find a seat to wait for attention but they had refused point blank and he was taken straight into one of the trauma bays. He was still insisting that he wasn't about to die and that he would be fine, and that there must be someone who needed emergency treatment before he did. It was only a flesh wound he insisted, although the pain he felt radiating from his arm was proving him very wrong, showing him that is was a good deal more than a flesh wound.  
  
He was allowed to move himself from the gurney onto the hospital bed without assistance but he immediately regretted that decision, suddenly feeling nauseous and his legs almost gave way beneath him. He thought for a fleeting moment he was going to collapse and face plant the tiled floor. Casey sank back into the bed and closed his eyes wearily, only opening them again when a man's voice spoke to him.

"Hi Lieutenant, I'm Doctor Carter," the man smiled at him from above.

"Matt's fine," he replied as the doctor began to remove the pressure bandage and examine his arm.

"All right Matt, how's the pain?".

"Tolerable," Casey hissed through gritted teeth, his jaw clenched.

"Ok, we need a CT scan, more fluids and another five of morphine," Doctor Carter ordered one the nurses by him, before addressing Casey directly once again. "I'm sorry to say the bullet had made quite a mess of your arm but you can still move your fingers?" he said questioningly, "Can you make a fist?"

The pain showed markedly in Casey's face as he did what the doctor was asking him to with a fair degree of success.

"Ok that's good Matt. You're next in line for the CT scan so you won't be waiting too long. We just need to check if the bone is intact or not," he smiled, trying to reassure Casey. "Just let the nurse know if you need anything more for the pain, all right?"

Casey just managed a small nod as he lay his head back on the pillow, his eyes closing again as he let out a slow steadying breath, allowing himself to drift on the morphine haze that was just beginning to overcome the pain after the nurse had given him another shot.

A short time later the CT scan had revealed a chipped bone in Casey's upper arm, but no very serious damage, just a mess of torn flesh and muscle that could be stitched up reasonably easily. He had been lucky that the damage wasn't far worse than it had turned out to be. Worst case scenario was that it could have sliced his brachial artery and he could have bled to death at the scene if they hadn't gotten him to the ER quickly enough. The humerus could have been shattered by the bullet but it was intact apart from a chip approximately an inch long. Casey had accepted more painkillers readily along with the wheelchair they used to transfer him around the hospital departments, the CT scanner being two floors above the ER.  
  
He was now lying waiting for one of the staff to come into the bay to stitch his arm wound, wondering vaguely if anyone from 51 had arrived yet. He knew they would come at the first chance they had, and that someone would be able to take him home. He assumed and hoped that they wouldn't be admitting him. All he wanted to do was go home and be with Severide, and to sleep.

* * *

When Severide checked in at the ER to see Casey he was lying on his right hand side. His torso was bare and the rest of his turnout gear had been discarded, now he just wore his navy bunker pants, the ones that always made Severide want to go up to him and grab that perfect ass he had. Most of the blood had been cleaned away and Severide could smell the strong antiseptic as he stood by Casey but there was still a thin trail of red that traced down his arm and onto his chest. Severide smiled. Casey's eyes were only half open and unfocused until Severide greeted him.  
  
"Hey Matty."

"Hey yourself..." Casey managed to whispered, his words slurred by the drugs.

"Broken?" he eyed Casey's arm.

Casey's brows furrowed and the nurse replied for him with a small smile. "No."

"Good," Severide nodded, relieved to hear the information as the front desk hadn't been able to tell him anything at all. "Guys are all here," he informed Casey.

"How'd you sneak in?" Casey mumbled, as if Severide had only just appeared. His sense of time was completely out of whack.

"Well, you should know by now that I only have to give that dazzling smile of mine to get my own way."

The nurse found Severide's remark amusing but it went straight over Casey's head and he didn't smile, he could only wince as the nurse pierced a tender part of flesh with the needle as she stitched the wounds caused by the bullet, pulling the raw edges together. They had washed the wound out to clean them and packed it with antibiotic gels to prevent infection.

"You're not refusing painkillers are you?" Severide quizzed, fighting the urge to hold him.

"No, feeling very... fuzzy right now..." An odd expression swept across Casey's face.  "And I can't feel my arm... feels like... like it's gone." His face screwed up into a scowl. "Someone's stolen it..."

Severide could tell by the tone of Casey's voice that he was being deadly serious and really thought his arm was gone. The effects of the morphine. Severide just grinned, realising what was going on here. "Don't worry it's still there."

"You've stolen it haven't you?" Casey said with a hint of panic in his voice now. A petulant look came to his face and Severide wish he had his phone on him to take some video evidence, he doubted Casey would remember much of this.

"Matt you're fine. Your arm is right where it oughta be," Severide told him gently.

"Huh..." Casey clearly did not believe him and his drug addled brain didn't have the capacity for him to stop is thoughts before they reached his mouth. "I'm so tired Sev..."

He tore his gaze away from Casey and asked the nurse, "He can sleep?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
Severide looked back down at him. "Matty close your eyes, get some rest."

"No I can't..." Casey whined tiredly. Severide could read the predicament on his face. "What about my other arm?"

"What about it? Something wrong with it?" he frowned, wondering if he'd hurt it when he'd fallen to the ground with the impact of the shot.

"What if they take that one too?"

Severide looked quizzically at the nurse once more. "How much morphine has he had?"

"Quite a bit. 20mg," she told him.

Severide just nodded and looked back down at Casey who still had the same worried expression on his face. "Matt trust me, no-one is gonna take your other arm."

Eventually Casey allowed himself to sleep with the understanding that Severide would make sure his arm was returned and the other would not be taken. He drifted off into a half sleep and was in such a state when Boden arrived to check in his 51 Truck Lieutenant, his second in command. By that point the Chief had been informed of Casey's medical status by the ER doctor. Severide was asked to get back to the firehouse. Truck had already returned, leaving once they new Casey would be just fine. Severide wanted to protest, wanted to stay with his boy, but he couldn't so he just left silently, with a curt nod to the Chief and a smile for the nurse. Boden went back to the waiting room where he would stay until Casey was discharged so he could take him home.

* * *

It was almost 10pm when Severide finally slipped into his quarters, he closed the blinds and pulled out his phone from his pants pocket before he sat down on his bed. He flicked to his recent contacts and selected Casey's number, they'd only exchanged a couple of messages since Casey had returned home from the hospital. He wouldn't have been surprised if Casey was already asleep, he'd feel guilty for waking him if he wasn't so desperate to hear his lucid voice.

After a few rings he heard Casey's tired voice at the other end. _"Kel?"_

"You in bed?" Severide kept his own voice light.

 _"I am,"_ he replied, _"Was asleep..."_

"Had some painkillers? You'll feel worse in the morning if you don't."

 _"I have,"_ Casey informed him, _"Sent me home with some codeine."_

He smiled down the phone. "Good, how are you feeling? Got both your arms?"

 _"What? I'm all right Kelly, just tired now,"_ Casey explained.

"Is that a hint?"

" _No."_ Severide could tell that Casey was grinning sloppily down the phone.

"Looks like we're staying in tomorrow night and watching whoever's playing," Severide commented.

 _"I'm not housebound,"_ he protested.

"You're hurt," Severide stated, "Doubt you'll feel like doing anything tomorrow, not after all that morphine..."

 _"It's only my arm, it's not even broken, it's just a flesh wound,"_ he countered.

"Matt you were shot... I've never seen you in so much pain before," Severide told him.

 _"And I'm fine now..."_ he insisted, _"Although I really am gonna fall asleep real soon..."_

"Well I'll be on the line until you do."

 _"'K Kel..."_  
  
Severide could hear Casey's soft breathing now he'd finally drifted off to sleep but he didn't close the phone call, he just placed his phone down on his own pillow and lay down with his ear next to the speaker, listening as Casey slept.


	2. Fever

 

The very moment his watch hit 8am Severide gathered up his things and left the firehouse. Usually he would have gone to the gym or straight out for a run but not today. Today he needed and wanted to get straight home.

When he arrived home he closed the door gently, taking care not to make too much noise because sounds travelled easily through the studio apartment and he was sure Casey would still be asleep because of the medication. He wasn't wrong. Casey was lying on his side, breathing softly, and his phone still on the pillow by his head. Severide smiled, picked up the phone and connected it to the charger on the nightstand.

After just a few moments of watching the gentle rise and fall of the bed covers in time with Casey's breathing, Severide lay himself down on top of the sheets by his side, studying his beautiful features as he slept, his peaceful expression, his perfect mouth slightly open.

The movement of Severide lying down next to him woke Casey and his eyes flickered open. His lips curled into that perfect smile he had when Severide's face came into focus just a few inches away from his own. "

Hey…" Casey slurred tiredly.

"Hey yourself," Severide replied. "Miss me?"

"Nah… was nice having the bed to myself. Slept better without all your snoring," Casey teased.

"Well at least I don't hog the covers," he countered, grinning.

Casey just groaned as he pulled himself up and sat back against the headboard.

"Stay where you are," Severide half-ordered. "I'll sort some breakfast..."

"You realise that I'm not gonna stay in bed all day, right? I have stuff to do," he told Severide.

"Construction job with one arm? Yeah right…"

"… Guess I better call some people, give them a number of another decent guy I know in case they don't wanna wait a few weeks for my..." he sighed miserably. He was by no means desperate for the extra cash but he hated to let anyone down, no matter what it was, how large or small a job.

Severide just grinned and attempted to improve Casey's mood. "Thought I was the only decent guy you knew?"

Casey just shook his head. "Everyone's more decent than you Kelly Severide," a big grin crossed his face as he spoke.

"So does every other guy make breakfast in bed for you? What d'ya want? Some cereal…"

"Cereal? Hey I'm honoured that I have a guy who will fetch me Cheerio's..." Casey pushed back the covers and started to get out of the bed. "I can do pancakes..."

"Stop, I'm doing breakfast, ok?" Severide protested.

"Yeah and apparently by the time you do I'll have dropped a waist size," he teased.

"All right, all right, I'm going!"

Once Severide had slipped out of the room he sat up on the edge of the bed. He raked his hand through his hair and over his face then grabbed some Tylenol from nightstand and took two with some water hoping the pain in his arm would soon reduce into something manageable. He knew he was stupid to have thought he could carry on as normal with his construction jobs today. Even the ER doctors had told him that he wouldn't be cleared for duty again for two weeks at the very least.

When Severide returned with a stack of pancakes he hadn't expected Casey to be sat topless on the edge of the bed looking very sorry for himself. "What's up?"

Casey sighed. "Just not looking forward to the next few weeks... all because of some kid with a gun... I hate guns."

"Yeah I get that, and I know why. Try not to think about it though. The time will fly past and it won't be long until your arm's healed up good enough to get back to 51," Severide tried to reassure him.

"Yeah, sorry. Know I'm just complaining… being selfish," he muttered.

"Don't reckon you have a selfish bone in your body," Severide smiled, wondering how he could have been lucky enough to have ended up with such an amazing person as Casey. "Here, eat these before you waste away…" he pushed the plate of pancakes towards him and grinned.

* * *

Casey spent the next forty-eight hours of his life bored out of his mind for the most part, doing very little apart from laze on the couch or lie in bed sleeping. Now and then he switched the TV on to watch National Geographic or Discovery Channel but he couldn't stay awake long enough to watch much of anything. But he had begun to think that his arm was feeling much better now though so that was positive.

Severide found him in his room attempting to rewrap his left arm, but clearly struggling with one hand. "Here, let me do that," he said, coming further into their room.

Casey frowned, looking up at him. "Just can't get it right."

Severide sat down next to him. "You are allowed to ask for help you know."

"I know that," Casey replied shortly, "Just thought..."

"Just thought you could do it on your own," Severide finished for him and then added, "You don't have to do anything on your own now Matt."

"I know," he winced through gritted teeth as Severide wrapped the bandage tight around his bicep. "Old habits and all that, I guess…" He'd been on his own for what felt like a long time and hadn't yet adapted to the changes in his life.

"Capp and the guys have invited me to Molly's tonight," Severide commented as he pulled back and inspected his work on Casey's arm. "You feel up to coming?"

"And spend the night pretending we're not sleeping together?"

Severide sighed, the whole topic was a tricky situation between them, he knew Casey would much rather be open and honest but relationships at the firehouse would always really be frowned upon, and that wasn't the only issue. Severide had built up a reputation of the years and he was a lot more worried about what others thought of him.

"Well we can do that when get back," Severide grinned slightly lecherously at that thought.

Casey didn't look at all enthralled by the idea.

"Or I could go on my own?" Severide suggested

"Yeah you do that," Casey snapped.

"Matt..."

"You gotta keep up appearances right?" he questioned almost angrily. "Damnit Kelly... I'm sorry..." he sighed, "I like what we have, I don't want to ruin that, and I know there's just things we can't do together because of work... it is just because of work isn't it? It's not something else?"

"It's nothing else," Severide smiled.

Casey visibly relaxed, in the back of his mind he always felt like something would, like something would break the life the two of them had built together.

"Molly's?" Severide nudged his other arm.

"All right then."

* * *

"Lieutenant!" Herrmann called from behind the bar when he spotted Casey. He bent down and pulled something from one of the fridge cabinets as Casey and Severide made their way over to the bar. "Molly's Bar always has a warm welcome for the walking wounded," he said, placing a non-alcoholic beer in front of his truck lieutenant.

Casey just scowled at his right-hand man. "Think I'm high on meds or something? Only a flesh wound," Casey scoffed, "I'll have a real beer thanks."

"Only lookin' out for you Lieutenant," Herrmann told him

"And I've only had two Tylenol all day," he replied, "Didn't realise you had to question everyone before serving them a drink?"

"Nah I don't question everyone," Herrmann retorted, "Only the ones who've recently been shot."

Casey's face broke into a grin at Herrmann's remark.

"Here ya go Lieutenant. Here's a real one for ya," Herrmann opened the bottle, poured into a glass and passed it over to Casey.

Casey was still sitting at bar on his own a while later. He could see Severide was laughing and joking with what looked like most of his crew over in the corner so he remained where he was, content just to nurse his own beer.

Suddenly Shay's voice tore Casey's stare from Severide and he turned round on the bar stool to face her. "Hey, should you be drinking that?" she was asking, her eyes on the bottle in Casey's hand.

"What? Are you and Herrmann conspiring with each other or something?" he asked her.

"I assume I should be saying no to that," Shay grinned, not really knowing what Casey was talking about. "Matt, you ok?" she asked, seeing his gaze wandering over to Severide once again.

"Fine," he replied, just a little too quickly

"He loves you," Shay said, no messing, straight out of the blue.  
  
Casey just frowned, shocked at her admission, shocked that she even knew anything.   
  
"I know, I know. I'm not supposed to know anything," she went on, smiling.

Casey stared down into the froth on the top of his beer. "Is it that obvious?"

"That he loves you? Yes. That you guys are sleeping together? No. That one's safe with me."

"It'll be a year next week," Casey revealed.

"I know," Shay told him. At his questioning look, she continued, "You both just seemed happier. Wasn't hard for me to figure out what happened."

"But if you could..."

"Your secret is safe," Shay repeated, nodding, peering right into Casey's worried face.

He risked another quick glance back over at Severide. "He does make me happy."

"Then what are you worried about?"

He scoffed. "Think you know."

"You don't trust him..." The look on Casey's face was enough to tell Shay that she was right. "Matt, you know he's never been with anyone else while you two have been together, right?"

"Right..." Casey said drily, his tone of voice telling her he didn't believe that for one minute.

Did Casey really think so little of himself? Shay wondered before she replied with a smile. "Well you'll just have to trust me then," she got up from her seat, "I better go, meeting someone."

"Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too," Shay smiled and nodded her head slightly towards Severide, then she leaned in and whispered, "Don't do anything too strenuous with that arm of yours, will you?"

"No chance," he said, grinning, "Can't even lift it."

"See ya Matt," Shay turned and left Casey sitting alone again.

He had just finished his second beer when there was a familiar soft voice in his right ear. "Well c'mon then you… let's get out of here, go somewhere nice and warm and comfortable…"

* * *

By the time Casey and Severide arrived back at their apartment Casey was virtually exhausted. His left arm was throbbing painfully under the bandage and dressing, and the skin where the stitches closed the wounds was itching and burning to the point that it was driving Casey mad. But he knew touching it would only make it worse.

"Sit down Matt," Severide ordered him onto the couch.

"You gonna ravish me Kelly Severide?" Casey grinned as he sank his weary body down.

Severide leant over him, his lips were only millimetres from Casey's when he spoke, "I'm gonna get the first aid kit."

"And put on your sexy nurse outfit I hope?" he questioned as Severide walked away, still grinning.

"Thought that was yours?" Severide threw back over his shoulder.

A moment later he was back with the box of medical supplies and pulled Casey's sling off. Casey winced heavily as Severide pulled his t-shirt up over his shoulders. "Your hands are freezing."

"Now you're just making excuses for your moans of pain," Severide told him. He had made quite sure his hands were warm before he had started to remove the dressings from Casey's arm

"How about some moans of pleasure?"

"When I'm done playing nurse... but only if you're a good patient," Severide grinned.

"I'm always good," he smiled.

"Dunno... what you did the other night wasn't something good boys do," Severide was teasing him big-time now.

"Didn't notice you object to it, just seemed to be crying out for more..." Casey let out another groan of pain as Severide wrapped a fresh bandaged around his wounds. "Sorry...  ruining the moment."

"You're in pain," Severide stated, "And you look exhausted, maybe we should just go to bed..."

"I'm sorry..."

Severide leant forwards and kissed him, his lips travelled down over Casey's jawline, down his neck and to his collarbone. "Don't apologise," he said softly when he came up for air, "I'm just glad nothing worse happened to you. Couldn't bear to lose you."

"You're never going to lose me," Casey's voice was husky as he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

"And you'll never lose me. I'm in this for the long haul. I love you."   
  
Casey's eyes snapped open and locked onto Severide's.  
  
"There, I said it. I love you Lieutenant Matthew Casey. And I'm gonna fetch you some stronger painkillers..."

* * *

The next few days seemed to go by reasonably uneventfully, that was until Severide once again returned home from shift to find Casey still fast asleep in bed when usually he'd be getting up. Severide thought it best not to disturb him and left him to sleep but something at the back of his mind was niggling at him. Casey should have started to recover from the injury to his arm by now but he just didn't seem to be picking up the way Severide had expected him to, if anything he'd got worse. Casey was strong and fit, much like himself, and he felt that maybe something more was going on than met the eye. He busied himself with making himself some breakfast and ate sitting on the couch and watching the TV.

Casey didn't appear until almost noon, he walked wearily from their room and into the kitchen diner, still dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair was sticking up all over the place and his face was pale. Dark shadows surrounded his eyes and he seemed to have a constant pained expression.

"Mornin' sleepyhead," Severide teased, "Want some breakfast?"

"Not hungry," Casey just mumbled as he slowly made his way to the fridge. Severide stood up and was by his side in a instant, grabbing the fridge door before Casey could open it. He grabbed the juice and poured a full tumbler, he then handed it to Casey who was now leaning against the counter.

"Matt, gotta say it… you look really rough. Not sleep well?"

Casey took a mouthful of the juice before he answered. "Slept most the day yesterday and all night..." he forced a smile, "Probably why I feel like crap, too much sleep."

"You must feel bad if you're admitting it..." Concern was etched across Severide's features. "Come and sit down, I want to check your arm."  
  
Casey sat down heavily on the couch, Severide carried his glass of juice and put it on the table. He closed his eyes and let his head fall backwards onto a cushion as Severide held his arm and slowly unwrapped the bandage around his injured bicep. He had almost drifted off but the sharp sting of antiseptic brought him back to reality and he winced.

"Looks a bit red but no worse than before..." Severide began as he cleaned around the two stitched wounds.

"Think it's infected?"

"Doesn't look like it is, but you shouldn't feel so awful. Maybe..."

"Maybe I'm just sick," he replied tiredly.

"Yeah might be," Severide nodded and wrapped a fresh bandage around Casey's arm.

"Yeah, maybe... probably," Severide just nodded and put some fresh dressings on Casey's wounds, wrapping a new bandage around the arm.   
  
Casey yelped in pain.   
  
"Matt..?"

"S'nothin… At the hospital they said it would be sore for a while," Casey insisted.

Severide tied off the ends of the bandage and admired his handiwork. "All right, but if something's not right, you gotta tell me, yeah?" Severide moved in close next to his boy and pulled him into an embrace, but Casey was already asleep before his head touched Severide's chest. He just grinned, stroking Casey's blond hair, "Ok sleepyhead... just rest up right there then."

* * *

"Casey... hey Case... come on… wake up..." Severide's voice was pulling him from a fitful sleep later that day.

"Wha..?" he croaked.

"You've got a fever. Temp's nearly 102," Severide informed him, his face only centimetres from his own.   
  
Casey realised he was still sat on the couch right next to Severide. "Huh?" he shifted his head away as something came into contact with his lips.

"Drink something or you're gonna get sicker and dehydrated. I gotta go out and get some flu meds."

"S'not flu…" Casey mumbled, trying to swallow some sips of water from the glass Severide was holding to his lips.

"And it's not a cold Matt," Severide warned, "You're burning up."

He struggled to move from the couch. "Bathroom..." he muttered but it was too late.   
  
Casey had tried to get up, tried to get out of Severide's way but it was way too late and he threw up violently right where he sat.  
  
"Sorry..." he mumbled after the heaving ceased.

"It's ok," Severide sat back looking at the mess down his front and on his pants. "It's all right... I've had worse... ok I haven't, but it's ok," he reassured him, "Do you feel any better for that?"

Casey nodded his head tiredly.

"Good," Severide smiled, "Be all right if I have a quick shower?" He made a face as he looked down again at the vomit down his front.

"Be fine... I'll just brush my teeth." But when Casey stood up his legs could hardly hold him and he almost fell limp into Severide's arms.

"I'm calling your doctor," he stated as he sat Casey back down on the couch.

"Probably just ate something funny... reckon it's a bug. Be fine in twenty-four hours. Just need sleep, that's all. Probably shouldn't have had beer and Tylenol the other day..." Casey just grinned despite feeling rough. "Serves me right. My fault..." And he smiled that smile that reeled Severide in to begin with, the one that he couldn't say no to, the one he loved so much.

* * *

But Casey got no better. His fever just grew worse and Severide knew he needed to take some sort of action. He called Casey's regular doctor and explained what was going on and the man simply told him he should get Casey straight to the hospital as a fever that high a danger and not easily treatable at home.

They weren't in the waiting area for very long before one of the ER doctors appeared and Severide had to nearly carry Casey over into one of the treatment bays. He vaguely recognised the man and wondered if he had treated Casey when he had been shot. The doctor checked Casey's vitals and was looking at his chart when he spoke. "I know he was shot in the upper arm recently, how's he been since? The wound doesn't look infected."

Severide was distracted as a nurse arrived and started to sort Casey out with a hospital gown. "He was ok for a couple days but now… not good really. But keeps on insisting that he's ok, he'd do that even if he was dying though…" a wry smile formed on Severide's lips as he watched Casey who was almost out of it now.

"We'll get him started on IV fluids and we need to get this fever down," the doctor commented. He nodded to the nurse, "I want a full blood panel done."

"He just kept just kept saying it was a virus or something..." Severide sighed, "Should have brought him here sooner… he's just got worse each day."

"Sounds like he's very stubborn but he's in the right place now. We'll take good care of him," the doctor smiled and gave the nurse his instructions before he left.

Severide's attention was drawn back to Casey as he moaned softly when the nurse cleaned his right arm and set up an IV for fluids.  
  
A little later Casey's eyes flickered open and searched around for Severide, finding him sitting by the bedside. The nurse had gone and it was just the two of them now.

"Hey baby," Severide began softly, "How are you feeling?"

"Better than before," his voice was hoarse.

"Because you're not dehydrated anymore." Severide eyed the IV port in the back of Casey's hand and looked up at the monitor. "You've still got a fever though, but it is lower than it was earlier."

"Shouldn't be here wasting people's time…" Casey began, his weak voice trailed off.

"This isn't wasting anyone's time Matt," he replied simply, "Your doctor said you needed to be here with a fever that high."

"Just some bug, that's all. Don't need to be here..."

"You do… think I liked it better when you were delirious, at least you couldn't keep arguing..."

Casey frowned slightly. "When was I delirious?"

"You were talking to the lamp on the nightstand… and you thought I was…" Severide stopped himself before he went too far, "Never mind…" He leaned in and repositioned Casey's pillow, stroking his forehead gently.

Casey closed his eyes briefly at the comforting touch. "I'm ok. Honest."

"Matt we wouldn't be in here if you were ok, would we?"

"Just relax Kel. I'm all right. And I have not been delirious."

Severide gave up trying to win that one and just smiled down at Casey as he sank back on the bed and got his head comfortable on the pillow. "Try and rest, huh? Know it's hard but ya need it, all right?" he looked around the chaotic ER. "Shouldn't be too long before your results come back..." But Casey was already asleep.


	3. Pain

 

It was over an hour wait before the doctor reappeared at Casey's side in the ER. "Hi Matt, how are you feeling now?" he quizzed his patient.

"Little better I think... thanks," Casey responded wearily.

"He's been asleep most the time, doc," Severide volunteered, "But that fever has come down a bit."

"Good," the doctor nodded. "Well, we have the blood tests back and they were negative for infection…"

"That's good, right?" Severide asked.

The expression the doctor held did not seem positive as he replied. "It means we need to do further investigation. I want to get a bone biopsy done since the blood tests were negative. I'm concerned that the recent injury may have led to an infection in the bone."

Casey was silent, a look of dismay on his face, as Severide spoke to the doctor. "He's been on antibiotics, I cleaned and redressed the wounds twice a day..."

"If the infection's in my bone... what happens?" Casey asked quietly, clearly worried.

"In most cases we can treat it with a course of strong and sometimes combined antibiotics," the doctor replied.

"Most cases..." Casey repeated. "What if I'm not most cases and that doesn't work? What then?"

"Surgery to remove the infected bone, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here, Matt. That's a long way off. And the bone biopsy might come back negative." Despite his words, the doctor's face showed his doubt.

"You don't think it will? Come back negative, I mean?" Severide pushed.

"Well frankly... no. Osteomyelitis, a bone infection, is the most likely cause of Matt's high fever since the bloods were negative," the doctor replied before telling Casey, "I'll get you scheduled in for a bone biopsy and some scans tomorrow as early as we can."

"Do I have to stay here until they do it?" Casey asked.

The doctor shook his head. "No, your fever is high but not dangerously so now, so we can let you go home. But nothing to eat after midnight, and if you start to feel any worse again you need to come right back in, ok?"

"Sure doc, that's fine," Severide smiled and replied for him. "I'll take good care of him now." That was for sure; he would do anything in the world for his boy. Anything.

* * *

During the journey back to their home, Severide kept casting agitated glances over at Casey, who hadn't uttered a word so far, but just remained leaning against the passenger side window. "You're worried about all of this Case?" Severide finally broke the silence, although it was more of a statement than a question.

"So are you…" Casey's voice was tired.

"You're gonna be ok you know, even if this is a bone infection. They'll get it sorted out in no time."

"Kel, I just reckoned my arm hurt 'cause I'd been shot. Thought it was normal... how wrong could I have been? Maybe if…" Casey began, clearly going to blame himself again for this.

"You and me both. And anyone else would have thought the same. Not your fault you know. Quit blaming yourself for everything."

"So much for this being a couple of weeks..." Casey was sounding slightly breathless now. "Can I open a window? Feel kinda sick... "

"No need to ask."

"You're very controlling when it comes to your precious car..."

"Just don't want you throwing up in it, ill or not, that's all," Severide half smiled at the blonds concern even when he was feeling lousy.

"M'all right..."

"No you're not. Need me to stop?"

"Be ok in a minute... just tired…"

"Maybe we should just go back to the…"

Severide didn't need to finish before Casey protested. "No, just need to go home. They said I could go home."

"I want you to know that this is against my better judgement. Think you need to be…"  
  
Casey cut Severide off again. "Just need everything to stop spinning… don't think I've eaten enough…"

"Listen, I'm gonna take tomorrows shift off... you can't be on your own like this," Severide told him as he pulled up outside their building.

"And have Boden down two…"

"I'm easily replaceable," Severide told him.

"You're not replaceable... ever," Casey managed to mumble. "Gonna need a hand up the stairs," he admitted as he unfastened his seatbelt.

Severide smiled. "We have an elevator," he reminded.

"Oh yeah... well I'll need a hand getting out of the car then..."

"No matter what that doc said, I shouldn't have let you leave the hospital."

"It's physically impossible for you to say no to me," Casey smiled.   
  
That made Severide laugh, because it was just so true even though it had been spoken in jest and under the influence of such strong medication.  
  
"What's so funny?" Casey asked now Severide was helping him out of the passenger side and up onto his feet. It was a huge effort for Casey and his steps were more like shuffles as he walked to the building door.

"You need to get right to bed when we get in, you can hardly walk..."

Casey looked as if he was going to say something in response but he just let out a sigh and started to sink to the floor as his legs gave out. Severide took most of his weight and guided him into their apartment.

* * *

Severide was forced to remain in the waiting area whilst Casey had the bone biopsy. No matter how hard he had tried to persuade the orthopaedic doctor he hadn't been allowed to stay.

Inside the sterile procedure room Casey was positioned on his back, he wore a pale blue hospital gown and was covered by a thin sheet with his left arm exposed for the biopsy. The doctor and nurse were gowned and scrubbed ready.

"You feeling ok, Matt?" the doctor asked as he prepared the equipment he would be using. "How does your arm feel now?"

"Can't feel it…" Casey muttered. He'd been given a local anaesthetic.

"Good. Just say if there's any problem. I'm going to start now," he informed him.

Casey felt nothing as the aspiration needle punched through his flesh and into the bone of his upper arm. All he could feel was a slight pulling and tugging sensation as the procedure was done.

Before long the doctor spoke, "Ok, we're almost done Matt. Just taking the sample now..."   
  
But Casey didn't bother to reply or even acknowledge the man. His efforts were being focused on remaining awake and keeping perfectly still. At the moment he constantly felt exhausted, embarrassingly so, he could barely hold a conversation, barely walk from the bedroom to the bathroom, he knew it was probably the infection that the doctor suggested but he still couldn't help but feel self-conscious at the state he was in.  
  
"All right that's it finished. I'll be back in a moment."

Whilst the doctor was out of the room, the nurse made sure he was as comfortable as he could be. He lay very still, trying to breathe deeply and relax himself. A few minutes later the doctor returned and checked the biopsy site before an orderly arrived and wheeled him into the recovery area where he would stay for a short while.

The move from the procedure room had been a blur and suddenly Severide was right by Casey and clasping his left hand. A small smile crept onto Casey's face. "Kel, that's the numb one," he said softly, "Can't feel it."

"Ah right," Severide replied. He was so worried he had forgotten that critical fact. Anyhow it made him feel better just holding Casey's hand. "You ok? Was it all right?"

"M'ok, never felt a thing..."

"Hope you feel better than you look... you don't look good," Severide was gazing down at Casey's pale, sickly complexion, a blush on his cheeks still indicating his fever.

"Thanks…" he slurred. "Well, you're not gonna get any action tonight..."

Severide grinned to himself. Trust Casey to say that right at that moment. "Reckon you're right there. They're gonna admit you."

"Kel no… I don't want…"

"I get that you don't want to be here. I know you hate it. But you won't be stuck here as long as last time, I promise," Severide tried to reassure him. Casey had never been fond of hospitals but after his head injury over a year ago he had been stuck in one for several weeks and had no desire to repeat that experience ever again. Nor anything like it. "Your fever isn't getting any better, it's getting worse, ok? You're not lucid very often..."

"What?" Casey just frowned. "I am lucid?" his voice was questioning, unsure.

"At the moment you are, Matty."

"I... don't... remember..." Casey's voice cracked and tears sprang into his eyes.

"Hey, it's all right. Everything is gonna be ok." Severide's lips brushed across Casey's burning forehead as he spoke, trying to soothe and comfort him.

* * *

Casey was admitted to the hospital, his fever was spiking and untreatable at home so there was no choice even though Severide knew he would rather be at home. Casey just wanted the comfort of their own apartment and bed, he hated being exposed, poked and prodded at the hospital. They had attached ECG monitor pads to his chest, showing that his heart rate was slightly too fast. A pulse-oximeter was clipped to his finger and an IV port was in the back of his right hand for connection to fluids that his body desperately needed. And now the anaesthetic was wearing off his arm was causing him a great deal of pain once more. Severide stayed with Casey for the rest of the day until he had been obliged to leave, even he hadn't been able to bribe his way to staying with Casey all night.

When Casey finally awoke and managed to get his eyes to open the next day, Severide's face was there next to him, smiling. "You sleep ok, baby?" he asked.

"Mmno…" Casey murmured, "They've been waking me up all damn night checking things..."

"Well, I missed you too," Severide smiled. At least his boy was lucid just now which was a good sign. He stared down longingly at Casey's half closed eyes and brushed a hand over his sticky sweaty hair. "You feeling any better yet?"

Casey just shook his head. He felt worse than ever and didn't try to hide it. Severide could always tell when he was lying and he couldn't be bothered. "Tired and… and it hurts," he admitted.

"Use the PCA pump again then," Severide told him.

"Can't," Casey replied.

"Why? It'll..."

"Maxed it out," he said, his voice hoarse and raspy. He'd been pressing it earlier and it didn't seem to be working so he had used the call button to get the nurse. She had checked the pump and told him sympathetically that it wasn't broken and that he would just have to wait it out until he was allowed another dose of pain relief.

"I'll go speak to…"

"No point… already tried…" he muttered. There was nothing anyone could do. He just had to wait.

Severide felt utterly useless sitting there, having to see Casey in such pain was hurting him. "Will it help if you sit up or lie on your other side? Here, let me…" Severide stood up and moved as if to try and help Casey to reposition himself but Casey was resisting manfully.

"Kel, just go will ya? Please... don't want you here just watching me like this. I've just gotta ride through it..." his eyes closed.

Severide's face was a mask of dismay. "Matty I can't just..." 

"Kel please. Just go. I'm not going anywhere. Be here when you come back..."

"Erm… sure, ok... sure... be back later, all right?"

Casey's only response was a tiny nod.

Severide left Casey alone, taking one last look over his shoulder back at him, wishing with all his might that there was something, anything that he could do to help him. But there wasn't. Not right now. He wondered if Casey also had a gnawing knot of dread in the pit of his stomach about the biopsy results or if he was just in too much pain and too out of it to care.

* * *

Casey was still in pain the next day. Every time he moved his arm throbbed. Every time someone touched his arm agony was fired around the rest of his body. His temperature had decreased though so at least there was that, he'd even eaten a little breakfast.

Severide was sitting by Casey's bed when the doctor entered later the next morning, it had been forty-eight hours since the bone biopsy had taken place. "You have the biopsy results?" Severide questioned.

"I do," the doctor nodded, this got Casey's attention. "As I suspected, it is acute osteomyelitis. You're looking at a four to six week course of IV antibiotics. After the first four weeks we'll take some more scans and see where we're at."

"How bad are the scans?" Casey asked.

"It's not the worst case I've seen Matt," the doctor replied and he continued at Casey's insistent look, "They do show some slight deterioration in your humerus, and a little in the radius and ulna."

"My whole arm then…" Casey muttered.

"Four to six weeks?" Severide repeated. "Does that mean he's here for that long?"

"No," the doctor replied. Then he spoke directly to Casey. "What we'll do is start the treatment off here but I will discharge you when your fever has dropped a little, and you'll be on an outpatient service. We'll set you up with a central line for easy access but if your temperature hits 102 or above again we'll have to readmit you… I realise this is a lot to take in, for both of you, but hopefully the antibiotics will get to work, we may have to try a few, I admit it might be trial and error to start with, but once they get to work you'll start feeling much better. In the meantime we can help manage any nausea or pain."

"Hopefully?" Casey quizzed.

"Like I said it will be trial and error to start off with, possibly a combination of antibiotics," the man replied.

"If it all doesn't work?"

"We don't need to cross that bridge yet," the doctor stated. "Now get some rest Matt, I'll be back tomorrow morning, all being well I can discharge you." 

Severide's heart sank as he followed the doctor out of the room. "Doc, tell me… could he lose the use of his arm? Lose it entirely? I was looking online and…" he trailed off. The internet wasn't always a good thing, Severide had done his own detailed research once they had mentioned the possibility of Casey having developed a bone infection and using Google had only added to Severide's worry.

The doctor stopped and turned to face Severide. "That is a long way down the road yet." 

"Is it down the road?" he questioned, his face a mixture of worry and urgency.

The man's expression told him all he really needed to know, his words just served to confirm his thoughts. "Unfortunately it is a possibility if we can't get the infection under control with the medication." The doctor wasn't going to lie to Severide.

"Exactly how high is the possibility? What are the chances that the meds will or won't work?"

"At this precise point in time we can't say," the doctor admitted, "There's no way to be absolutely certain of the final outcome... but we should know in a few weeks."

Severide's eyes widened in shock at that revelation. "So is he gonna feel this lousy, be this ill for all those weeks then? He can't work... can't do anything much and through no fault of his own..."

"His body is trying to fight off this infection but so far its natural response hasn't overcome it which is why he's so ill. The medication should help his system to fight it and we're hopeful that's what will happen," the doctor explained. "The aspirin will help to lower his fever which will make him start to feel better but he will have good and bad days with it. One of the priorities is pain management and if need be he can see a specialist…"

"I know doc, I know you are doing your best, and I'm sorry."

"I understand that you're worried," the man nodded at Severide, a sympathetic look on his face, "We're going to do everything we can to get rid of this infection you know. But we can't work miracles…"

When Severide went back into Casey's hospital room, his eyes were closed but Severide could tell he wasn't asleep. "Matty they're gonna have you feelin' better in no time at all," he said as he sat himself down onto the chair next to Casey's bed. "Want anything? You should drink some more of this water... remember what they told you?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm ok... at the moment anyway." Casey's eyes opened and he flashed that dazzling smile he had at Severide, but it didn't completely mask the weariness and pain etched into his features.

"So… while you feel ok you should eat, yeah?"   
  
Casey nodded his agreement prompting Severide to stand up.  
  
"I'll go get some food from the cafeteria, any preferences?"

Casey shrugged his right shoulder slightly. "Anything… I am hungry," he admitted.

"Well you haven't kept anything much down for the last few days ,have you?"

"Don't remind me," Casey smiled drily, almost a grimace as he recalled the severe bouts of vomiting that seemed to have been plaguing him for days now.

Just after Severide left the room one of Casey's nurses came in pulling a trolley of medical equipment with her and followed by an assistant. "Hey Matt," she smiled, "You're looking a little better today. Your doctor wants you to have a central line inserted so that your meds can be given easily, saves time and a lot of needles, believe me!"

Casey just looked down, avoiding her cheerful demeanour, the heavy reality of his situation suddenly hitting him.

"This is Jenny," the nurse continued chirpily, "She's training so I brought her to help me... is that ok, hun?"

Casey looked back up at the two smiling faces. "Erm… yeah... fine I guess." But he wasn't convinced, it was bad enough lying vulnerably in front of one stranger never mind two, but he wasn't going to say no.

"I know your doctor reeled off a load of information onto you, didn't he? If you have any questions I'm happy to answer them."

"It was a lot to take in," Casey admitted to her. "Think Kelly's more worried than me to be honest..."

"Ok, are you ready to get this over and done with, Matt?" She opened up the sterile central line kit and began to unfurl the tubing and test the various components.  
  
Casey just nodded so she started to prepare him for the central line.   
  
"You want to know what I'm doing? Or shall I just get on with it and not tell you?" she asked him while she worked.

A small frown appeared on Casey's ashen face. "Don't think I want to know."

"That's what most people say... but it doesn't really hurt. I'll try and make it as painless as possible for you." She pressed the control panel and flattened the bed.

Casey closed his eyes as she gave him a shot of local anaesthetic at the site where the port was being placed. He could feel her cleaning his chest with a swab and some stinging liquid, followed by some pulling and poking sensations but no real pain.   
  
After a while she announced, "Ok Matt, all done."  
  
She raised the bed so he was in more of a sitting position and when he opened his eyes he could see the central line taped in place with a large white sticky pad to his chest.  
  
"You can shower and everything with it, just be careful not to pull it, it won't come out like that but it would hurt," she explained as he looked down. "Feel ok?"

He nodded slowly. "Hardly felt it."

She smiled. "Right, we'll start the first round of antibiotics now. They are a dual combination and they are very strong so you might experience some side effects. Headaches, vomiting, diarrhoea, skin rashes, sometimes pain around the injection site…"

"Lovely," he replied wryly.

"Most are quite rare side effects, don't mean to scare you but we just have to warn you," she replied. "It takes about thirty minutes to administer so when you are discharged it won't take much time out of your day." She smiled as she worked. "So that's it, all sorted, and you got your first round of meds. I'll be back to disconnect you, you need me in the meantime just…"

"Call button," he supplied. "Thanks," he said as the nurse and trainee left his room.

When Severide had returned with some food for Casey he stood outside the room for a few moments, just watching as the nurse set up the bag of medication onto an IV pole and connected it up to the central line on Casey's chest. He wished he'd been there with him when it had been set up but he knew that Casey still liked privacy and still found sharing difficult, even after so long together. That was just how Casey was and Severide just accepted it as part of the guy he loved.

Severide stepped in once Casey was alone, planting a grin on his face for the Casey's sake. He didn't feel like smiling but he had to for Casey. "Ok, here we have one chocolate shake…" he began, setting the carton on the swing table, "Some soup, a chicken sandwich, slice of pizza and two oat 'n' raisin cookies." He continued to place cartons and packets on the table.

"Impressed you got it all back here in one piece," Casey commented, eyeing all the food. The small smile on his face fell as he spoke, "Like my new accessory then?"

Severide hadn't been able to stop himself from looking at the central line catheter poking out of the hospital gown, he tore his eyes away and grinned. "Very stylish, didn't they do it in any other colours though?" Severide scoffed, laughing.

"You don't think this one will match any of my clothes?" Casey laughed, picking up the chocolate shake carton.

"So what d'ya want? 'Cause I call dibs on anything else."

"Thought you got it all for me?" Casey teased.

But Severide could see the underlying fear in his eyes. "Listen, this is all gonna clear up and you'll be back at work in no time." Severide placed a hand on Casey's leg and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Guess so." Casey's voice gave away his doubt. "And you're gonna be with me... right?'

"Always." Severide didn't hide the hint of surprise from his tone. How could Casey possibly think that he'd leave him to go through all this shit on his own? Severide knew Casey had issues, hell, Casey's issues had issues, and he just wished he could reassure him one last time to make all his worries go away. "Matt, what do I have to do to make you believe I love you and l would never leave you. Ever. Tell me and I'll do it." He stared hard into Casey's eyes as if that would convince the blond that he meant what he said.

"Suppose they do say if you can stay with someone through serious illness then it's for real..." Casey muttered, looking away from Severide's stare.

"Well I'll tell you, this is for real Matty. Illness or no illness. Never been surer of anything in my life."

Casey's eyes widened at Severide's sudden confession and he put down the shake, his right hand trembling a little. "Sorry… not hungry anymore, these meds must be..."

"Shh… it's ok, s'fine Matty," Severide smiled. He'd be far happier if Casey ate some of the food but he knew it wasn't his fault. None of it was. Damn that call. Damn that kid.

"I just wanna sleep," Casey said tiredly, his words slurring now, "Maybe I can eat after that." He felt a little guilty for being unable to eat any of the food Severide had bought for him. "Just leave the shake and a cookie on the table… You can eat the rest…"

Severide just watched sadly as Casey's beautiful eyes just closed, he couldn't keep them open any longer. "I love you Matt," Severide muttered when he finally managed to pull his eyes away from Casey's sleeping form.


	4. Sick

**Sick**

After two days spent in hospital Casey was finally stable enough to be discharged. His fever was still high but had lowered to a manageable level. For the next ten days he would have to make the trip to and from the outpatient clinic for his antibiotic treatment and then hopefully he would be well enough to be changed onto oral medication. There had been the option to stay as an inpatient but Casey remained determined he would be better at home.

"You ok, Matt?" Severide checked on him as they entered their apartment. He was carrying Casey's bag he'd had for his hospital stay, containing his clothes and belongings along with a variety of medication: pain relief, antiemetics, rehydrating solutions, amongst other things.

Casey nodded. "You're worrying too much."

"Can never worry too much about you," he smiled. "So what do you wanna do then? Couch day and TV? Might be a game on, or Nat Geo..?" he encouraged Casey.

"Honestly think I just wanna sleep… that ok? Sorry... not feeling up to much. Just need to go to bed."

"You don't need permission from me to go to bed... and maybe I'll just have to go with you..." Severide placed the bag on the floor and lifted a hand to Casey's face, slowly rubbing the back of his fingers against Casey's unshaven cheek.

Casey turned his head away. "Sure you must have much better things to do than... well than nothing?"

"Wouldn't ever say that sharing a bed with you was nothing," Severide grinned, his eyes sparkled wickedly.

"Well, there's certainly gonna be no action so..."

"Is that all you think I want? Sex?" Severide was somewhat dismayed to think that was all Casey thought of him, but he supposed he probably deserved it judging by his past behaviour over the years Casey and he had known each other. "That's not it at all. I just wanna be with you, next to you. I want to be wherever you are, Matty."

"Sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me…" His mood was all over the place. "I just feel so…"

"C'mere..." Severide pulled him into a hug, careful of his left arm, his head resting against Severide's shoulder, Severide's chin resting on Casey's hair. "I keep saying this because it's true, it's so true Matty. You're gonna get through this. We're gonna get through this."

The moment was over the second Casey tried to stumble from Severide's grip, but Severide didn't let him go, he held him close and slid down onto the floor with him as he started to throw up his breakfast.

* * *

The morning after Casey arrived home from the hospital Severide was on shift. He was worried and apprehensive about leaving Casey alone for twenty-four hours but, like Casey had said himself, just how much trouble could he get into by just lying in bed all day sleeping or watching TV?

Once roll call was over Severide caught Boden and asked if he could spare a few minutes.

"Of course Kelly, right now ok?" the Chief asked.

Severide followed Boden to his office and they both took a seat.

"Casey?" Boden questioned as he sat down, he could tell from Severide's demeanour that the man was worried. And Severide didn't worry about much so it was easy to assume.

Severide nodded, feeling a little nervous now. "Chief, he's gonna be out for longer than two weeks," he stated, no point in beating around the bush with this.

"What's happened?" Boden asked.

"That family business I had to deal with the other day? Well that was Casey... turns out he has a bone infection from that bullet wound... and it's pretty serious Chief. He's been in hospital for the past few days again, but he's home now. And he has to go back to outpatients every day for meds. He's really sick and, well he's pretty out of it. Sorry I should probably have told you a couple of days ago but I've been..."

"Worried about him and trying to see that he's ok…" Boden surmised. "I wouldn't have expected anything less. Is there anything I can do? I'll sort out some paid medical leave for him, and advise CFD's insurance... they should cover all his bills since it's a job related injury. He won't need to be worried about any of that. How bad is he, Kelly?" Boden's demeanour was usually serious when it came to his two firehouse lieutenants' wellbeing. They were one of the biggest priorities in his working life, like sons to him. Family.

Severide just shrugged. "To be honest Chief, they can't really say at the moment... we'll know more in a few weeks," he explained, "Reckon it's gonna be a long haul back here for him though..."

"Well, we can get a longer relief in for him no problem, Herrmann could even step up for a while, Casey mentioned he spotted him with the lieutenants exam book. What do you think?"

"Great Chief," Severide nodded. "He's had the best guy in the world to teach him."

"We'll get something sorted. Good lieutenants are hard to come by, Casey will always have a place at this house. Keep me posted Kelly ,and send him my best would you? If he needs anything, anything at all..." Boden nodded astutely at his squad lieutenant. "You'll keep me informed?"

"Of course Chief, thanks." Severide stood up to leave Boden's office.

"You said he has to go to hospital every day?"

"Yeah... they erm... they've got to give him massive doses of antibiotics for up to ten days, Chief."

"How's he getting there today, he won't be able to drive?" Boden questioned with some concern.

"No, I booked a cab for him," Severide replied.

"That won't do... listen Kelly, if you're not on a call you can take him, just keep your radio on, and if you're out, I will. What time's his appointment?"

"11:30," he supplied. "And thanks… he'll appreciate that."

* * *

Casey's time just passed by in a haze of hospital trips and sleep. He'd been at home for three days now, his and Severide's one year anniversary passed by without a mention. Severide had something planned for when Casey had recovered, it wouldn't be too long until they could celebrate. At times Casey felt reasonably decent and able to deal with everything but sometimes he just couldn't even get himself out of bed except when forced by nature to head for the bathroom. He had taken to placing a plastic trash bin right next to the bed in case he needed to throw up, which seemed to be more frequent than ever.

It was early in the evening when he woke to a potent scent wafting around the bedroom, something he recognised but couldn't quite put a finger on. He stayed in bed for a while longer, inhaling the strong scent, before he finally decided to get up and investigate. Besides which he felt as if he needed to eat, he was a little lightheaded and felt incredibly weak, but feeling weak wasn't something that was new, and he'd hope by now after seven days on the antibiotic course he'd be feeling a little better but that was not the case.

Casey stepped out of the bedroom and was still unsure where the scent was coming from. "What's that smell?"

Severide poked his head out of the bathroom. "Lavender oil… it's supposed to be nice…"

"Uh huh… it is," he replied cautiously as he padded over to the bathroom door with his bare feet. "Is it usually this strong? How much did you use?"

"I just poured it into the tub... Why?"

"The whole bottle?" Casey wrinkled his nose and laughed as Severide held up one hand and indicated how tiny the bottle was with a thumb and forefinger.

"It was really small… here…" Severide leaned down and rummaged around in the small bathroom trash bin, grinning as he found what he had searched for. He grinned as he held up the now completely empty bottle of lavender oil.

"The apartment is gonna smell of lavender for months…" Casey announced with a half laugh.

"Well, there's worse things it could smell of," he grinned. "You want this bath or not then?"

"You ran the bath for me?"

"What d'ya think the lavender oil was for?" he questioned, still grinning. "I know you're ill and all but I didn't think you were that slow. So you having a bath with me or not?"

"Candles as well?" Casey said as he stepped into the bathroom.

"All about the atmosphere," he smiled. "These have gotta come off..." Severide reached over and switched off the overhead light, leaving just the flickering candles illuminating the scent-filled space.

The heat of the water had warmed the air so Casey closed the door. Severide turned to him and gently began to remove the sling holding his injured arm in place across his chest. Severide carefully pulled up his t-shirt, hating the wince of pain that escaped Casey's lips as he moved it upward and over his head. Next Severide moved on to his boxers and peeled them down to the floor so Casey could step out of them, by that point Casey was having to hold his shoulder to keep himself upright, his eyes were almost half closed, partly with pleasure, partly with pain.

Casey so wanted to peel off every bit of Severide's clothing but his knees were weak and his arm was throbbing painfully despite the pills he'd taken only an hour ago.

Severide held Casey's good arm and one hand looped around his waist so he could step into the tub. Without speaking Casey sank into the warmth of the scented water and felt his whole body relax as he inhaled the perfumed steam.

"Ok, now you get the pleasure of watching my little strip tease act," he grinned naughtily at Casey. He began to peel off his t-shirt and pants before he stepped in and sat facing Casey, their legs entwined.

Severide picked up a wash cloth and dipped it into the warm scented water before he began to massage it in circles over Casey's chest, avoiding the central line site. His eyes closed and he visibly relaxed under Severide's touch. Severide picked up his right arm and began to move the washcloth over Casey's hand and along his forearm, up the smooth skin of his bicep and over his shoulder. His head dropped forwards, almost onto Severide's shoulder, Severide kept one arm wrapped around him as he moved onto Casey's hair. He rubbed the cloth gently over wet tendrils of blond and around the nape of his neck. Severide smiled at the small trembling sigh of pleasure Casey made.

"Comfortable?" Severide questioned as he continued gently massaging Casey's head.

"Mmm…" Casey replied almost inaudibly. His soft regular breaths told Severide that he was nearly asleep, his forehead rested on Severide's shoulder as he slowly squeezed out the washcloth and dipped in back into the steaming water before moving onto Casey's perfectly muscled back.

A soft pink flush rose on Casey's skin in the warmth of the steam and the water as Severide moved the cloth over his body, still careful not to disturb the central line on his upper chest or touch his left arm. At the hospital they'd had told them that bathing was fine as long as the wounds were kept dry and covered.

After a while Severide whispered, "Water's cooling off..."

But there was no reaction. Casey was sleeping. Carefully Severide sat him back, placing a towel beneath his head and began to sort himself out, there was no need to wake Casey just yet, not when he was sleeping so peacefully and painlessly.

* * *

"Hi Matt!" the outpatient clinic receptionist greeted Casey the next day. "How are you doing today?"

Casey was a familiar face there now after what seemed to him like his millionth visit. He just nodded to acknowledge her. Right now his whole body hurt, his arm protested with any and every movement he made despite being constantly held in the neoprene sling and he had felt nauseated since waking that morning. Whether that was a side effect from the medications or the infection was unclear but he hoped it was the drugs and that the infection was being reduced day by day.

"Go sit down Matt," Severide muttered before turning to the bright receptionist. "Not a good day, sorry," he apologised for Casey's unusual off-handedness. He then followed Casey over to the seating area to wait for his appointment time. Severide picked up a magazine and began to read, whilst Casey remained silent and half asleep.

They weren't waiting long before another familiar face appeared around the door to take them to the treatment room. Casey got up wearily and Severide walked by his side to make sure he didn't stumble.

He sat down in one of the comfy chairs and the nurse unzipped his red hoody so she could connect the meds to his central line. She snapped it in place and hung the bag up on the IV pole behind the chair.

"Bad day sweetie?" she asked, checking the connection before refastening the hoody. "Scale of one to ten Matt, how bad is your pain?"

Casey glanced at Severide, who'd taken the stool by his side, before admitting honestly, "Eight…"

"All right, what meds have you had today for it?" she asked softly.

"Two Tylenol when he woke up a few hours ago and a couple at about 2am as well," Severide replied for him, knowing how muddled he was getting with things at the moment.

"Ok Matt, well you're all set up now," she spoke gently to Casey, "Just try to relax. I'm gonna go and speak to your doctor, see if we can give you a shot for that pain..."

The moment she had disappeared Severide pulled his stool close to Casey's chair and took hold of his right hand, his other hand gently swirling in his blond hair. He could still smell the herbal lavender scent and he smiled as he remembered their bath the previous evening. Casey just rested his head back on the chair and closed his eyes as Severide's touch comforted him.

Severide was stroking the back of Casey's hand with a thumb when the nurse returned, and he laid it back on Casey's knee, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that she had a syringe with her.

* * *

Severide was sitting at the common room table looking down at his phone screen when Shay appeared in front of him. She sat right next to him, completely invading his personal space. 

"Casey?" she queried, knowing full well it was, but wanting to see what Severide said.

"What?" he looked up from his phone screen.

"You only ever smile at your phone like that when you get a message from Casey," she observed.

"Oh... erm..." Severide stuttered at having been caught slightly off guard.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Ah right... well he's having a good day today..."  
  
Boden had taken Casey to his appointment that morning since Severide had been at a pin in accident and since then Casey had been giving him regular updates on his day, he'd only needed a couple of painkillers, he'd managed to read a whole chapter of his book without falling asleep, he'd even sat outside in the sun for some time.

"Casey?" Herrmann chimed in, sitting down. "How is he?"

"Not so bad, considering what's happened," Severide answered. He was somewhat at a loss to know what else to say. No way was he going to tell them how bad Casey really was, how some days he was in so much pain that a morphine shot only just took the edge off.

"Yeah, bad business getting shot and all," Herrmann said. "How much longer does he have on those antibiotics? Infection cleared up yet?"   
  
The whole firehouse knew about the infection caused by the bullet, Casey had seen no reason to keep it private and it made sense for them to know he would be having more time out of work so Boden had announced it at the start of shift a few days ago. Since than Casey had been inundated with messages, all wanting to know if he needed anything.

"Not much longer hopefully," Severide replied honestly.

"That's good," Herrmann nodded. "Is he up to coming to the match tomorrow?"

"Match?" Severide repeated.

"The charity boxing match... you been living under a rock Lieutenant?"

There had been much more pressing matters on Severide's mind. "Well I dunno if he's going to or not, I'm not his keeper," he just shrugged, wondering how the hell he would get Casey out of that one. In all the furore of everything that had gone on, he had completely forgotten about the police versus fire department match and he figured there was no way Casey would be well enough to go to it anyway.

* * *

"You're really feeling up to this Matt?" Severide asked as he pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. He hoped for once that Casey would say he felt fine and be telling the truth.

"The weather's great, sun's out, I don't feel ill, and apparently I have a ten dollar bet on this thing that I have no idea I made," Casey frowned.

"What? You made a bet?" Severide laughed loudly.

"Yeah Herrmann sent me a text... dunno what he was talking about," Casey scoffed with a half laugh. "And I do bet…"

"Yeah when you're almost a hundred percent sure you're gonna win!" Severide was still laughing. "I'd bet on the idea that Herrmann is just trying to get you to leave the apartment," he commented, a smile tugging at his lips as he wondered to himself if his own crew would be so caring about his welfare if he were in Casey's position.

"Well he wouldn't if he knew I throw up on every surface I come across…" Casey retorted dryly. He was so tired with it all now. He was desperate to feel better for more than just an odd hour here and there.

"Wanna go home? It's no problem, I'm not..."

Casey interrupted him, "Nah we're here now, and I feel ok. Not great but ok." And just being ok would have to do because it didn't get any better than that at the moment.

"Listen Matt, you gotta tell me when you wanna leave, all right? I'm just happy you're here and we can go whenever."

"I will," Casey nodded. "You gonna quit the outward displays of affection? We're about to go out in public..."

"I'm sticking by your side... for more reasons than one…" Severide told him.

"Don't," he shot back quickly but with no malice. "You gotta keep up appearances." Casey understood their situation and it was going to be even harder for them both now that he was sick, his guard was down and Severide's mother hen instinct had taken over, but they couldn't afford to let anything slip, couldn't afford to let it show. They had to keep it quiet at all costs for the sake of their positions.

"I love you." Severide locked eyes with him and smiled.

"I love you too Kelly."

They both stepped out of the car and ambled towards the park where huge banners were hung announcing the  charity boxing match and BBQ. Severide grinned, looking up at one of the banners. "Hey, remind me again why you didn't sign up for this?"

"Well I gotta give someone else a chance to win, right? And I guess this has kinda put me out of action..." Casey nodded down at his arm, still secured across his chest in the neoprene sling.

"Really? Reckon you could probably win with one arm tied behind your back," Severide teased.

They headed over to some of the guys from 51 who had spotted them and were waving them over. All the attention was focused on Casey, not really surprising since none of them had seen him since he'd made a brief appearance at Molly's almost two weeks back.

"How's the arm doing Lieutenant?" Cruz asked.

"The arm is good." Then he added with a flash of a smile, "I hope."

"I'll go get us some drinks," Severide stated, looking at Casey.

"Get me another one, Severide," Capp chimed in.

"You have two working arms, Capp," he countered as he walked away, brushing lightly and carefully against Casey as he passed. Just a little comfort.

The group of them headed over to the seating that had been set up around the boxing ring but Herrmann held back and stuck with his lieutenant who was walking a bit steadier than of late. "You doing ok, Lieutenant?" Herrmann questioned as they moved along after the others.

Casey just responded with a small nod.

"You been on meds for the infection?" Herrmann asked, more as a conversation starter than anything else, he was curious and hopeful that Casey's treatment was working well. All of 51 knew that Casey was having daily trips to the hospital and lifts had been offered but hadn't been needed since Severide had wanted to be Casey's daily lift, who just wished that Casey hadn't been so insistent on getting a cab every time he wasn't able to take him. Boden would have gladly let someone off shift to help Casey out and would even have given Casey a lift himself if need be.

"IV antibiotics every day," Casey replied honestly, he saw no point in hiding anything from anyone.

"Bet your arm's like a pin cushion then," Herrmann smiled.

"Nah, central line," he supplied.

"Makes life easier then," Herrmann commented.

"Yeah I guess so. Hopefully it'll be sorted in a couple more days," he nodded.

"Good," Herrmann smiled. "Ya know we really need you back at the house, not the same without you."

Casey's eyes narrowed and his lips curled up into a grin. "My relief working you guys too hard then?"

"Yeah... that's why we need you back," Herrmann grinned back at Casey.

"Heard you're gonna step up for a few shifts? You doing the lieutenants exam soon then?"

"Maybe…"

"Why only maybe? You should do it," Casey voiced his encouragement to the older firefighter, pleased that the focus of the conversation had steered away from him.

"Already failed it once."

Casey shrugged his right shoulder. "I know you can do it, Chris."

"Easy for you to say. You passed first time."

"Yeah, well, I still had to wait around for the actual promotion and job to come up afterwards."

"You were young though," Herrmann commented, smiling.

"Hey! Still young." Casey just grinned back at him.

A loud voice over the tannoy system interrupted their conversation, announcing that the match was starting so the two of them went to take their seats, Casey sat down in the empty chair next to Severide. "Thought I was gonna have to send out a search party for ya... you good?"

"I'm good." Casey smiled and took the burger and fries that Severide passed to him, along with a can of Coke. Casey just about managed half a dozen bites of the burger and a few fries before the familiar queasy feeling rose inside his stomach.

Severide watched as Casey stood up and left the ringside, fighting every urge not to follow him for about a minute before it just got too much and he had to go and find him. He found Casey over by one of the trash bins standing around the edge of the park. "Matt?" Severide said worriedly. "What's going on? You ok?"

"I'm fine, really... was just dumping half the burger and fries... sorry."

"You sure?"

"You thought I was throwing up?" Casey's smile hadn't left his face. "I'm fine Kelly. Tired but I'm always tired. Stop worrying. Go enjoy the match..."

* * *

The next evening Casey had all but drifted off to sleep before the Discovery show about rock climbing had finished. He could scarcely keep his eyes open any longer. Severide heard him mumble something as he managed to push himself up onto his feet. "You going to bed?"

"Nah… thought I'd go for a run, Kel. A mile should do it..." Casey retorted dryly.

"Think I'll join you then." Severide stood up and stretched, yawning widely.

"Thought you wanted to watch that..." Casey began but Severide held a forefinger against Casey's lips to silence him.

"Only thing I want to watch is you right now..."

"Not even nine," Casey went on.

"Well, shift tomorrow so I need my beauty sleep to keep me that way..." they both grinned simultaneously.

"Ok come on then you beauty," Casey drolled over his shoulder as he traipsed to the bedroom without even having a wash or cleaning his teeth.

Casey sat down on the bed as Severide followed him into the room. "Let's get these off you," Severide said as he picked up Caseys legs and pulled his socks off.

"I am capable of getting undressed," he stated but he fumbled tiredly with the sling momentarily before Severide took over.

"I like undressing you," Severide grinned.

"Wish I could undress you, wish I could…" He moistened his top lip with his tongue but broke their eye contact and said, "Sorry everything's so one-sided at the moment…"

"I like undressing you," Severide just repeated.

Casey's t-shirt ended up staying on because of the pain it caused when they tried, no matter how gently, to remove it, and Casey had already had his maximum quota of painkillers for the day. His joggers were off in seconds and he lay down on the bed in his t-shirt and boxers, turned onto his right side and buried his head into the pillow. A few moments later he felt Severide behind him, his arms wrapped around him and pulled him close to his chest, Severide's face nuzzled into his hair.

They lay in silence for a few moments before Severide spoke. "You're so tense. Worried about the scan tomorrow?"

"Who wouldn't be?" Casey's voice was muffled by the pillow but Severide could still hear the worry in his tone.

"Could be the last time you have to go in for the meds, with a bit of luck," he commented.

"Hopefully… still feel like shit most of the time though... that's the meds ,right? It's just the antibiotics? Not the infection…"

"Maybe but they still want you on them even after the IV's are over with, so maybe its a bit of both still," Severide thought out loud.

"Hmm yeah... maybe… wish we knew…" Casey sighed deeply. After a few more moments he spoke again, "Don't let go of me."

"Not hurting you?" he questioned, worried their position was more comfortable for him than it was for Casey.

"No, this is nice... perfect... you're perfect..." Casey muttered.

"Reckon you've had one too many Tylenol today," Severide grinned into Casey's soft blond hair.

"Maybe," he grinned sloppily.

Severide did as Casey requested, he didn't let go, and after a while Casey's tension began to clear and he drifted off into a peaceful slumber in Severide's arms, warm and comfy and pain free for a while.

* * *

Severide was in the common room filling a mug with coffee, his fifth that morning, when his phone rang. He plonked the half full mug onto the counter and pulled his phone out of his bunker pants' pocket. He smiled when he saw the caller ID. Casey. He held the phone to his ear and grinned widely as he greeted him. "Hey you."

"Hey…" Casey's voice was quiet, a little shaky.

"You still at the hospital?" Severide knew he had to be there since his scan had only been about an hour ago.

Casey's voice was still subdued at the other end. "Still here."

"Got the results? You got the all clear?" Severide suddenly realised all eyes in the common room were on him and there was pin drop silence, "Just a sec Casey, bad signal..." Severide said into his phone as he walked out of the common room and away from prying eyes. He needed to be alone for this conversation. His heart was pounding as shut the door to his quarters and spoke again. "Sorry about that. So come on then... When are you back to work?"

Severide's optimism was short lived when there was only silence at the other end.

"Matty… you still there?"

"Still here... sorry… erm…"

"What's going on? What's wrong?"

He heard Casey take in a sharp breath.


	5. Beautiful

"Matty talk to me... please…" Severide urged. "The meds haven't worked, have they?"

There was a long silence at the other end of the line before Casey replied. "No they haven't… sorry it's nothing really… but I just wanted to hear your voice… sorry…" he was mumbling now.

"Nothing to be sorry for... it's ok, they'll just keep going with them a bit longer, right?"

"Yeah I guess…" Casey's voice was subdued, quiet.

"What are you not telling me?" Severide was struggling to get him to open up.

"It's not good news… I've got to have surgery…"

Severide got to his feet and was already on his way out of his office as he finished talking to Casey. "Stay where you are, I'm coming, all right? Be with you in twenty-five." He ended the call and headed for Boden's office, his heart in his boots.

* * *

Exactly twenty-four minutes later Severide was at the hospital and he found Casey in the waiting area at the outpatients clinic. He had his eyes closed, head resting back on the wall. "Matty?" Severide spoke softly as he approached him and sat down in a chair opposite him.

Casey's eyes flicked open and he looked at Severide, the worry was evident on his face. "Kel... you really didn't need to come."

"Yes I did," he replied. "Waiting for the antibiotics now?"

Casey nodded. "In about ten minutes."

"So they are still going on with them?" he questioned, Casey hadn't made it very clear during their phone call. "That's a good sign..."

"Yeah... some different ones this time around," Casey's voice was so despondent that Severide just wanted to grab him and hug him right there and then. He could hardly stand seeing Casey so low and was so frustrated that he was so helpless. All he could do was show him how much he loved him and keep trying to encourage him not to be down.

"Ok then. What about this surgery then? What's that for?"

"MRI showed an abscess," Casey began to recall the doctor's lengthy explanation, "Had a biopsy. It's a resistant staph infection, MRSA. Now there's dead cells blocking off some of the blood circulation in my arm... they need to drain it and take away some of the infected tissue or my arm could go septic or…" He trailed off, too tired and too worried about it all.

Severide's face creased into a frown. This was sounding a lot worse than he had hoped and he could understand Casey's despondence. He let out a shaky breath, trying to remain calm and positive for Casey's sake. "When's that going to be happening?"

"Tomorrow morning," Casey supplied quietly. "If all goes well I can go home same day."

"Ok, so this surgery and a different sort of antibiotic combination should sort this out, right?"

"That's what the doctor thinks…"

"Ok, well it sounds like they'll get it under control and sorted, doesn't it?"

"Maybe…" he scoffed, "Trust me to get some bacteria that's resistant to everything they've tried so far…"

"Matt you'll be fine, they've got this figured out."

Casey looked like he was about to say something and the truth was he wanted to but he kept silent. He wanted to scream and shout because Severide was being too positive, too optimistic and too trusting. Because in Casey's head he didn't think the doctors did have it figured out. Yes they knew what it was but there didn't seem to be one clear path to a full recovery.

"Don't know about you but I need a coffee... want a Gatorade?" Severide got to his feet.

"Yeah, thanks," Casey nodded.

"Back in a few…" Severide turned and strode off to the vending machine with Casey's eyes following his back view as he walked down the small corridor.

Severide was standing waiting for the machine to whirr into action and produce a half decent polystyrene cup of coffee when the idea occurred to him that he really shouldn't leave Casey alone right now. He pulled out his phone and made the call to Boden to give him a brief of the situation and ask for the rest of the shift off. Boden quickly agreed to the request and Severide returned to the waiting area with their drinks.

* * *

The next morning, after a disturbed night for both of them, Severide stepped out of the shower to the welcome aroma of food and it smelled very much like a cooked breakfast. He strolled over to the kitchen where the sight of a shirtless Casey stood over a frying pan full of bacon, eggs, tomatoes and mushrooms. It made Severide's mouth water for more than one reason. Severide smiled at him. Casey had managed remarkably well to cook all that with only one functioning arm.

"Matt this looks amazing…" his smile fell when he realised, "But you can't have any?"

"I know, but I can have whatever I want after the surgery… well, if I don't think I'll throw up afterwards…" Casey sighed and looked at the breakfast he had prepared for Severide. He managed to serve it onto a plate bit by bit and pass it to him. "Please eat it, enjoy… I love cooking, especially for you, and it's the least I can do... you've been putting up with me through all of this..."

* * *

Casey would have been lying if he'd said he wasn't worried about the upcoming surgery. He was well aware that there was no point in wasting his time lying to Severide because the man could see right through him.

Severide was standing right by him in the small hospital room, smiling down. "You're gonna be ok. You'll breeze through it. They'll be in and out in less than an hour, so I'll see you again real soon, ok?"

"Then this'll all be over, I'll stop being sick. Can get back to 51, back to normal." Casey smiled tiredly, happy to think he would be able to do all the things he couldn't since his injury.

"Yeah. Right back to normal. Back to doing all the cooking..." Severide grinned.

"But I like your cooking," Casey just grinned, "At least I'll stop throwing up all the time... this is gonna be it Kel... this is gonna work..."

"Yup, nothing surer," Severide agreed. He looked around as the door opened and a nurse came in followed by two orderlies pushing a gurney. "All right, they're here for you Matty. Next time I see you you'll be well on your way to fighting this thing, ok? I love you."

* * *

Severide was pacing nervously around the waiting area during Casey's surgery. Well, he was more frightened than nervous if he was being honest with himself. It had been a shock the day before when Casey had told him about the MRSA infection and although he had tried to sound positive for Casey's sake he was incredibly worried for him. He'd heard of people losing limbs and even their lives after contracting the infection and thought of losing Casey was unbearable. He almost wanted a cigarette or a stiff drink to calm his nerves.

It wasn't long before a nurse was approaching him and telling him to follow her to see Casey, who was in the recovery room sporting a thick bandage on his left arm. Severide smiled, greeting Casey softly, touching his forehead and pushing some of his blond hair back. He didn't care if the hospital staff worked out that they were more than just friends. "Hey," he almost whispered.

"Kel..." Casey's eyes flickered open a little, a slight frown creased his face.

"You ok?" Severide asked him, still smoothing his hair back..

"You're so shiny. Why are you so shiny? You're… you're shimmering… You been drinking?" he paused for a moment, thinking, "Have I been drinking?"

Severide opened his mouth to say something but shut it again because he realised that he actually had no idea what he was going to say.

"What've you done?" Casey's words were slurred but Severide could make them out easily enough.

"What have I done?" he repeated, "What do you mean?"

"You're all shiny… why?"

"Erm… I… erm… I don't know…" Severide was unsure how to answer that one.

"But you know everything…" Casey was rambling now.

"Erm… no… no, that's you… you're the fount of all knowledge," he replied, somewhat amused, "You know everything, Matt."

Casey just grinned, clearly under the influence of whatever anaesthetic he had been given for the surgery on his arm. Then he started to laugh. "That doesn't sound right… I don't know anything… like… like why are you so shiny?"

"Erm… you're not in any pain or anything are you?"

"Pain?" Casey grinned, that daft grin Severide knew and loved so much. "You're a pain."

"I'm a pain?" Severide questioned. He couldn't stop himself laughing down at Casey's bemused face. Casey clearly had no idea what he was saying and Severide would most likely never know why Casey thought he was shiny.

"Why won't you tell me…" Casey whined.

"Matty, just try and get some sleep, all right?"

"I need…"

"You need rest, I promise I'll tell you anything you want when you wake up later," Severide bribed.

"You'll tell me why…" Casey was asleep before he could finish his sentence.

* * *

Casey opened his eyes and found himself in a bright white room. It took him a few moments to take in his surroundings then he smiled. Severide was sprawled in an easy chair to his right, fast asleep with his mouth open a little and snoring softly.

He simply watched Severide for a while but soon his eyes opened. "Hi…" Casey's voice was gravelly, his throat raw from the intubation during surgery.

"Hey," Severide smiled, rubbing away the sleep from his eyes, "Am I shiny?"

"What?" Casey's quizzical look told him that he didn't know what he was talking about.

"Never mind… How are you feeling?"

"I'm hungry..." came his reply.

"Not surprised, been a while since you've had any food," Severide replied with a small smile, glad that Casey was hungry since it was a rare occurrence at the moment. "I'll go get…"

"Nah... stay with me... rather you than food…" Casey told him, "Please."

"But you can't eat me." Severide laughed, thinking Casey must still be suffering the aftereffects of the general anaesthetic.

"Hmm... well I dunno about that…" he grinned cheekily.

"Ha! Never knew you had such a dirty mind Matthew Casey. Like the gutter," Severide laughed heartily.

Casey's grin remained until he questioned, "Still Wednesday, right? I haven't lost any days?"

"Still Wednesday," he replied.

"They're not keeping me?" Casey asked.

"Well I think a couple of nurses want to… but no, you're free to go home soon," Severide smiled. "You feel ok? Any pain?"

"Can't really feel my arm," he smiled, "It's good…"

Just as Severide had explained Casey was allowed to go home later that day. He had recovered well from the general anaesthesia and even managed to eat some dinner when they arrived back at the apartment. But just the simple act of breathing exhausted him so Severide was soon helping him into bed and gently lying beside him.

* * *

"Damnit!" Casey yelled as the can spun off the counter top and crashed onto the kitchen floor near the refrigerator a few days after the surgery. He dropped the can opener on the counter and went to pick the can up from the floor. How in the hell could he have been stupid enough to think that he would be able to open it with only one functioning arm?

"Here let me help ya… I'll do it." Severide was already reaching down to pick up the can.

"Will you stop!" he snatched the can angrily from Severide's hand and slammed it down on the kitchen counter top.

"What?" Severide responded, a frown on his face now. He wondered what had triggered this latest bout of anger.

"Just stop swarming around me, will you?" Casey's voice was still raised beyond the level it should be.

"Right… ok then…" he stuttered, backing off from Casey who remained in an agitated state. He was shocked at Casey's angry outburst but it wasn't the first time it had happened recently and it was becoming more and more frequent. He knew that the only way to deal with Casey was to leave him alone for a while to cool off. "I'll leave you here and go out then... give you some space?" Severide told him.

"Best idea you've had for weeks!" Casey snarled back without an ounce of concern for Severide's hurt expression.

* * *

Half an hour later Severide found himself sitting on Shay's leather couch in her small apartment with a mug of hot black coffee in his hands. "Don't know what to do..." he shook his head miserably, "I don't seem to be able to help him and he's snapping at me any chance he gets… I just got to the end of my rope and needed to get away from him, needed a break… and that's horrible of me, I should be right by his side."

Shay was sitting close to him and reached out, stroking his arm. "Kelly, he's in pain, a lot of pain and that does things to people… even Matt. And you know the effect it can have first-hand."

"I guess so…" he replied quietly. "But I just can't seem to do anything right..."

"You're doing everything right," she tried to reassure him. "And soon this will all be over, you'll both be back to your normal goofy ways," she grinned, "All right? This isn't forever, Matt's going to get better."

"But what if he doesn't? What if none of this works?"

"What makes you even think that? Kelly?"

"This infection is resistant to antibiotics," he explained, it felt good to get it off his chest and talk to someone else about it all.

"There are hundreds are antibiotics out there."

"Yeah, yeah I know… I was, we were both hoping he'd start to feel better after the surgery but it's not made a difference…"

"Give it some time, it's only been a few days."

* * *

Severide let himself back into the apartment, feeling a lot better since he had spoken to Shay and let out some of his own frustrations. She had talked to him calmly and logically and his mood was much better than when he had left Casey alone earlier. He chucked his keys onto the table and hung up his jacket.

Casey was sitting on the couch staring at nothing, eyes unfocused and red rimmed. Severide walked over to him and sat down, their legs touching. He stroked Casey's right shoulder in an apologetic gesture. "I'm sorry Matt. I shouldn't have walked out like that… I was..."

"No, I'm the one who should be saying sorry. My fault. I shouldn't have been yelling and going on at you…" Casey shook his head, dismayed at his own behaviour.

"You're in pain. I shouldn't have gone off and left you. I'm always saying I'll never leave you and I just did."

"You came back," Casey commented, "Don't think I would have come back to me after…"

"You're in pain, you're allowed to get frustrated and angry, you're allowed to lash out, I guess I kinda know what it's like. Mine wasn't constant, yours is, I can't imagine what that's like…" he replied gently. "Now, did you manage to make something to eat?"

"No…" Casey shook his head.

"Pancakes?"

"All right," Casey smiled.

"You can mix batter… not letting you near the eggs though," he grinned.

* * *

Casey's days just flew by in a whirl now. A whirl of hospital visits and medication. And sleep, when he could. He was getting no better. There was no improvement to his state of health or mood. His fever was worsening again and Severide constantly tried to get him to drink fluids to prevent dehydration. But he just seemed to have given up.

Casey's health was deteriorating as the days passed, his weight had dropped and at times his lucidity was waning. His pain levels were barely manageable and Severide felt he couldn't take much more before he would have to be readmitted into the hospital.

They had been giving Casey the new combination of antibiotics for two weeks when the doctor decided to reschedule him for another MRI scan to see if there had been any improvement, to see if the antibiotics were starting to help him fight the infection that was raging in his system.

* * *

"The antibiotics aren't working?" Casey questioned hoarsely as he and Severide sat in the doctor's office at the hospital. The look on the man's face told them the answer to that one and the grim reality unfolded.

"No. The new combination hasn't had any effect, I'm afraid to say," the doctor told them, trying to be honest without seeming pessimistic. Casey had just had his second MRI scan and it showed that the aggressive treatment he had been given had not rid his body of the infection that was destroying his left arm.

"So what's next?" Severide asked. "A different combination? This damn thing can't be resistant to everything can it? There are hundreds of meds out there? Something's gotta work, right?"

"No, Kelly." Casey turned to Severide, looking him right in the eye. "Meds aren't working." Casey understood the critical point they were at now. He looked back to the doctor with a resigned expression as he questioned, "More surgery, right?"

The doctor nodded, his face was serious. "Surgery would be the best option to give you a fighting chance to remove the infection all together, it would be drastic."   
  
Severide's guts ran cold as the doctor spoke but he wasn't looking at the man, he was staring at Casey, whose face had just drained of the little colour it had.   
  
"If we amputate your arm we should be able to arrest the spread of the infection," the doctor explained.

"It's just going to get worse and I'm gonna keep getting sicker if you don't remove it?" he asked quietly, "There's absolutely no point in trying different antibiotics? Giving that more time?"

"Sorry to say it but yes, you will just get sicker," the doctor told him. "I'm going to be completely honest with you Matt, your chances of a full recovery from this infection aren't good unless we do this surgery and fast. I'm sorry, I only wish we had been able to get this under control but it seems we're out of time. Your immune system is already damaged from the initial infection and eventually you'll develop sepsis and that would most likely kill you. We can't just keep on managing the symptoms and hoping the medication will work... you understand?"

Casey nodded, his face calm, no sign of the inner turmoil he felt.

"Taking his arm off is extreme," Severide began, exasperated, "What about the same surgery as last time?"

"If we just take away the infected tissue and bone..." the doctor started to explain

"The arm will be useless anyway," Casey finished the sentence for him.

"You'd lose more than fifty percent function in the arm, and it's still likely that the infection will recur in future," the doctor told him.

Casey stood up tiredly, excused himself from the office and walked somewhat unsteadily out of the door.

Severide just looked after him, before turning back to the doctor. "Sorry... hell of a shock... for both of us..."

"Take a little time to think on things. I'm on the end of the phone if either of you have any questions... otherwise we'll be in touch with Matt in a few days. We can't leave this too long."

Severide nodded. "Thanks doc…" He headed through the open door after Casey.

Casey's heart was pounding in his chest. He could feel the blood pulsating around his body. He was leaning on the wall in the cool corridor, he'd not made it very far once he'd left the doctor's office. His head was swimming and he felt like he couldn't breathe, the air was just catching in his throat. His legs were shaking and his knees gave way. He started to fall only he didn't reach the floor. He fell into a soft embrace.

"I've got you Matty, I've got you..." Severide's voice was calm and reassuring. He brushed the back of his hand over Casey's forehead, his skin was warm to the touch but it wasn't burning, his fever hadn't worsened, Severide's first fear when he'd seen Casey collapse.

"I want to go home," Casey mumbled into Severide's neck.

"Ok," he replied and nodded to a few of the hospital staff members who's rushed up to them ready to help, Casey was ok, well, he was as ok as he was ever going to be.

As they helped him up from the floor, Casey retreated behind his mask once again, hiding his pain and troubled thoughts. He simply pulled away from Severide's grip, he spoke slowly and calmly, "It's all right. I'm fine. Really."

Severide trailed behind Casey as they left the hospital, he watched as Casey stubbornly made his own way to the exit, using the walls of the hospital corridors to steady himself every so often, Severide knew not to interfere, despite Casey's mask he could read the man so well and there would be no point in trying to reason with him right now.

At home Severide could do nothing but watch as Casey walked into the spare room and shut the door.

* * *

Severide was on shift the day after Casey received the devastating news about his arm and the possibility that he may lose it, that amputation would give him the best chance of a full recovery. But despite the doctor's pessimism regarding the antibiotics, the central line was still in place and Casey still had outpatient appointments lined up for treatment, they weren't simply going to end them. Not yet.

When he had arrived home following his daily hospital visit for medication, the cab driver had asked him if he was sure he shouldn't be staying at the hospital but Casey just chucked him a few notes and made his way into the apartment complex, where he promptly collapsed into his bed.

Severide wouldn't be home for at least fifteen hours so he was alone with his own misery and turmoil. And pain. The massive burning sensation in his arm seemed to radiate around his whole body. His shoulder hurt. His neck hurt. Even his back hurt now. It had taken all the effort in the world just for him to leave the apartment that morning and the painkillers were only just taking the edge off his pain now. If he lay still it didn't make him feel too nauseated. So he tried not to move.

He had several missed calls on his phone that he supposed were from Severide but he couldn't, wouldn't move enough to pick up his phone and check it. He didn't care. He was so tired of it all.

When Casey woke it was dusk and the room was in semi-darkness. He felt sticky and sweaty, and dirty. He desperately needed to shower. He forced himself to sit up and get out of bed. He walked bare foot to the bathroom and leaned over to turn the dial with his good right hand. So far so good. The Velcro on his sling came away and he slipped it off easily enough. Getting his boxers down with one hand was slightly more troublesome but he managed it and stepped into the stream of warm water. All kinds of thoughts were spinning through his mind. Getting a shower might be one of the easier tasks he'd have to do but what about dressing and undressing? Day to day tasks that simply required two hands... the rest of his life was gonna be just about impossible once his left arm was gone. He wouldn't be able to accomplish the most minor of things... so would it be worth it? Maybe he should just refuse surgery and simply let the infection overrun him and take its toll… see what happened and if his body could fight it off? So many doubts filled his thoughts as he stood under the hot stream of water.

* * *

When Severide arrived home from shift, Casey was still lying in bed half asleep. "Want some breakfast?" Severide called in through the door, before he actually entered the room.

"Not today…" Casey muttered into the bed covers

"Feel sick again?" he asked as he stepped into the room.

Casey just moved his head slightly to indicate that he didn't. "Just tired..."

"Go sit outside on the balcony," Severide suggested. "The weather's great, nice and warm, sun's out. I'll just go for a run then we can sit out and eat some breakfast. Sound good?"

"Sure." But Casey's voice told Severide that he wasn't the slightest bit interested. He didn't even want to bother getting out of bed and he made no attempt to move.

"You need a hand?"

He nodded slowly, sighing. At least he hadn't gone off on one this time and just accepted Severide's help. Severide pushed back the cover and slipped his arm around Casey's naked torso, easing him up into a sitting position on the bed.

"Dizzy?" Severide questioned once he was sat upright. Feeling faint was one of Casey's worst problems since his injury, caused by the infection running a rampage through his body.

"Uh huh. A little."

"Right well we can just sit here for a few then," Severide told him gently. "I can run later. Don't wanna leave you here like this."

"Go. I'll be fine..." Casey looked away and down at the floor.

"What's wrong? Talk to me… remember what I said," he urged.

"Nothing. Just tired of all this now. Want to get back to normal… I'm more than useless right now... couldn't even get out of bed yesterday, I just ignored your calls," Casey spoke quietly. "You deserve so much better."

"No. Matt…" Severide began, "I never thought for one minute that I'd ever be good enough to end up with someone like you in my life, let alone be mine."

"What?" Casey whispered, clearly surprised at Severide's admission. His eyes picked up off the carpet and he looked Severide in the face as he continued.

"Everyone thinks you're perfect, hell, you are perfect!"

He scoffed, "Far from it."

"You are good Matthew Casey, so good." Severide was staring him in the eye now. "You are smart, you're strong, you're fiercely protective, you stand up for what's right, you're selfless, you're brave and kind, you're understanding. And you're beautiful." He touched Casey's face softly, half laughing. "Yes you have issues, but I love your issues. You never forget anything, you're so damn stubborn, you haul so much inside of you, you get angry, you lash out, you push people away. But I love you for all of that. And I am a better person for knowing you and having you in my life."

Casey just sat in complete silence for a few long seconds, trying to digest Severide's words. He had never expected to hear him say anything like that. Ever. And the fact that he had made Casey feel he would maybe get through all this after all. "I'm not strong," he replied, shaking his head, "If I was you I would be dealing with all of this much better."

"You are dealing with it all, you're dealing with it all so well," he reassured him. "You're faced with a career-ending, life-changing decision, you don't have to be strong all the time. I will be strong for you."

"I'm falling apart… I do need you, I've always needed you." Tears sprang into Casey's eyes.

"Listen to me." Severide took his hand in his. "Whatever happens, whatever you decide to do, we will get through it together. It's all gonna be ok."

Casey nodded. "It's all gonna be ok," he repeated Severide's words through gritted teeth.

"You're in pain?" Severide suddenly realised.

"When am I not?" Casey scoffed.

"Stay here, I'm gonna go and get you some of that codeine. Don't move." Severide stood up and went out to the cabinet in the bathroom.

Casey's dizzy spell seemed to have cleared so he carefully got up and crossed the bedroom to the door. As he stepped through the door a huge wave of nausea swept over him, everything shifted and his head began to spin into grey. He faltered and fell heavily against the doorframe, his full weight on his left arm. An agonised cry escaped his lips as he sank down onto his knees. In a flash Severide was by his side, but Casey was unaware. He couldn't see anything, couldn't feel anything except the blinding, paralysing pain from his arm.

"Shh… I've got you… I've got you…" Severide's hushed tones started to penetrate his foggy mind. "Just breathe for me, in and out… nice and slow… that's it… you've got it… you're all right, you're all right…"

"I'm sorry…" he mumbled when he came to his senses.

"Shh… it's ok, just lean on me, it's all right, you're ok…"

Soon his breaths calmed and the tears stopped and he sagged against Severide as he relaxed.

* * *

Severide was sitting leaning back against the headboard later that day, reading the latest issue of the firefighter journal when Casey's soft voice broke into his thoughts.

"Kelly," Casey began, "I don't want to keep doing this." He turned his head towards Severide and regarded him with that sad look that he seemed to have permanently these days, ever since he had been shot.

A frown crossed Severide's face. "Doing what?" He hoped Casey didn't mean what he thought he meant. A horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that he probably did though.

"All this hospital stuff, all these meds... none of it's working... the doctor says it's the best option… there's no point in me hoping that the antibiotics will suddenly start working…" Casey's voice told Severide that he was resigned to the fact that he had suffered a career-ending injury and he was going to have to have life-changing surgery in order for him to survive.

"So you're gonna do it?" Severide questioned, "You want to go ahead with the surgery? Give up on the meds?"

Casey shook his head slightly. "I'm not giving up," he said quietly, "They're not doing anything. They aren't working… you can see that?"

"Matt… what about work and..."

"Do you think I've not thought about what all of this would mean?" Casey would have yelled in frustration if he'd had the strength. "I've thought about nothing else since we saw the doctor. I love my job. Don't know what I'd be without it... and that petrifies me... but I can't do this anymore... I don't have any other option…" Casey's eyes were watery as he went on, "Would you hate me?"

"No. Never. I just thought, just hoped it wouldn't come to this." Since seeing the doctor a couple of days ago Severide knew they would have this difficult conversation sooner or later but he found it impossible to believe that it would actually happen. Casey would be crippled for the rest of his life. But he couldn't imagine life without him. Crippled or not, he'd love the guy until his own dying day.

"Me too," he replied sadly, "It will change everything."

"No, no it won't. I'm still going to be here for you. Always."


	6. Fishing

"Still feeling ok?" Severide asked as he led Casey to the car. A blindfold was secured firmly around his head. Severide had made absolutely sure he wouldn't be able to see a thing.

"I'm fine... apart from being completely blind that is." Casey smiled at Severide's concern.

"You sure? You look really pale and sick..."

"That's because I am pale and sick," Casey grinned, "Your observational skills are astounding Lieutenant Severide."

"Just get in before I slap you Lieutenant Casey," Severide teased.

"Didn't realise you were into that kinda stuff... but you can't hit a man when he's sick..." Casey replied as he got into the passenger seat and slammed the door. "You gonna tell me where we're going yet?"

"Does the word 'surprise' mean nothing to you?" Severide retorted, striking up the ignition.

"Yeah and I don't like them," Casey said, the grin still plastered on his face.

"Right, let's just go back inside then and forget it, huh?"

"No, might as well see it through now," Casey went on.

"So you are curious then?"

"Maybe... but that doesn't mean I like surprises..."

Severide pulled up in the parking lot at their destination and cast a glance over to Casey who had fallen asleep during the short journey. He reached over and touched Casey's thigh to wake him gently. "We're here Matty."

"Where's here?" Casey muttered.

"Just trust me," Severide smiled, coming around to the passenger door and helping his boy out. He slipped an arm around Casey's waist and led him away. A couple of minutes later they stopped and Severide let go of Casey, untied the blindfold and pulled it away. Casey kept his eyes shut. "Open your eyes..."

"Where are we?" Casey asked, his eyes remained closed.

"Just open your eyes... you're ruining the moment." Severide laughed.

He watched Casey's face as he flicked his beautiful eyes open and stared around himself, his lips parted in shock as he took in the candles that were dotted around, flickering in tiny glass holders. A blanket and pillows lay on the ground surrounded by the scattered candles.

"This is where you first kissed me..." Casey said softly, clearly affected by the scene in front of him.

"You remember," Severide smiled.

"Of course I do."

"I was terrified you were gonna hit me."

"Yeah, well, I was a bit shocked." Casey grinned at the memory that came into his head.

"Happy one year and one month anniversary Matt. It's been the best time of my life."

"You didn't need to…"

"Yes I did. Was gonna wait until all this was over but I figured we both needed this sooner rather than later."

"This is… this is very romantic… didn't realise you had it in you," he teased.

Severide's voice grew husky as he spoke close to Casey's ear. "Well there are a lot of things you don't know about me, and there's even more that I don't know about you. That's what we're gonna spend the rest of our lives learning..." he smiled. "Come on, let me help you." Severide led an unsteady Casey over to the blanket and helped him down onto the ground, "You ok?"

"Fine," Casey smiled. "More than fine," he told Severide as he piled up some of the plush pillows behind Casey so he could keep himself sitting upright and as pain free as possible.

"Now, you don't have to eat any of this if you don't feel up to it but it's from Carluccio's, and there's plenty to choose from..." Severide pulled back the cover from the huge basket the restaurant had delivered, revealing the take out boxes. "And I got a bottle of champagne."

"You've gone all out... you better let me have a glass of that then..." Casey was grinning as he picked up one of the champagne flutes that the restaurant had supplied and held it out towards Severide who was now sitting next to him on the blanket.

"So I can be all shiny again?" Severide laughed, knowing full well Casey wouldn't have a clue what he meant.

"Huh?" Casey looked bemused.

"Nothing... really. Come on let's get something to eat..." He began to open boxes and put food out onto the plates.

Casey managed to eat some of the food before he began to feel unwell. But he didn't say anything to Severide, he kept it to himself, he didn't want to spoil such a special evening so he told himself he could just tough it out. He set the empty plate beside himself and laid back into the pile of pillows that Severide had set behind him. The champagne had made him feel sleepy and he just wanted to close his eyes and drift off but feeling Severide next to him, his arms wrapped around him was enough to keep Casey awake. He didn't want to lose one second of this moment.

They lay in silence for what seemed like hours, the warm breeze rustling their clothes, tugging at their hair. The full moon was casting a silver glow over the lake a few yards from where the two of them lay. A few high magnitude stars were twinkling in the inky sky. Some of the constellations were visible and Orion had risen over on the eastern horizon beyond the lake.

Severide sighed and smiled to himself. Casey was in his arms, a perfect feeling, and he turned to kiss the blond hair. Casey's head was tucked between his shoulder and his chin and Severide could feel his warm breaths against his collarbone. He just wanted these few moments to last for ever. Nothing was going to be the same again and he wanted to savour this precious time.

Casey hadn't moved for what seemed like an hour, nor had he made a sound apart from a few small throaty moans that told Severide he was in pain, even as he slept. Severide didn't want to disturb him but he had to be on shift the following morning and needed to go back to their apartment to sleep and shower, and Casey needed some decent rest too. He peered at the luminous hands on his watch. Almost 10:30pm. He could wait a little longer, enjoying the moments staring up at the stars, holding his boy close. He was never going to let him go.

* * *

Casey hadn't been the only one lashing out over the past few weeks. Severide was almost unapproachable at work, yelling at the slightest mistake any of his crew made, and even yelling at the truck crew over tiny errors. He'd almost come to blows with Casey's relief on more than one occasion because he had stepped out of line when he had humiliated Otis for a small mistake, amongst other things. The place just wasn't the same without Casey there. Severide was keeping to himself most of the time, staying in his quarters as much as he reasonably could, and no one questioned it, no-one wanted to be in his line of fire. Even Shay was trying to keep her distance since he had balled her out for some minor misdemeanour.

When Connie knocked on Severide's office door with a rather stern look on her face, and told him that the chief wanted to see him right now, he was expecting some kind of lecture on acceptable behaviour and was deciding in his head how to respond to the telling off he thought he was going to receive. He knocked on Boden's door and was signalled to enter. Boden's face didn't give anything away. Inscrutable as usual. He nodded Severide to sit down and he sunk into a chair.

"I've just got off the phone with Casey," Boden announced, leaning back in his seat. Severide remained silent. "I didn't realise how bad things were Kelly."

"It's a drastic decision Chief…"

"One I'm sure Casey's found extremely difficult to make," Boden replied, sensing Severide's thoughts.

"Yeah," he almost sighed. He hated Casey's decision. He should be going ahead with less invasive options. "He's throwing away everything he's worked for, hell, everything he's lived for Chief..."

"Kelly, it's Matt's decision to make, not yours. And you shouldn't be taking it out on the rest of the house."

"I know Chief," he nodded, "I know and I am gonna support Casey through all of this... I just… I guess... think I'm finding this decision a lot harder than Casey is."

"He's family and you just want what's best for him, and I wouldn't say he was finding this decision easy, not after the phone call I've just had with him, but he has accepted it," Boden spoke softly to Severide, understanding what turmoil his squad lieutenant was in.

"Not sure I can Chief, not sure I ever will..."

"You have to Kelly, we all have to. For Matt's sake," Boden told him. "He needs all the support he can get right now."

* * *

"Big day today..." Casey muttered sleepily when he felt the bed move as Severide sat by his side.

"How are you ok with all of this?" Severide wanted to know. He had just returned home from shift and had spent a sleepless night at 51 worrying about today.

"My arm or my life," Casey's reply was muffled by his pillow, "Not much of a choice, huh?"

"I know Matty, I'm sorry... I just… I don't even know any more..."

"You don't know?" It was more of a question than a statement. Casey managed to push himself up onto his right elbow. "All I know is that if this stops me from being sick, if it stops this thing spreading, getting worse, then it has to be the right thing to do… right?"

"I guess so, was just hoping for a miracle that's all…"

"No such thing as a miracle," he replied, "They don't exist."

* * *

Casey settled into his hospital room, Severide had helped him changed into the thin gown and had repositioned the pillows on his bed to make him as comfortable as possible. They'd had put him on IV fluids again despite Severide's attempts to make sure he was drinking plenty. Casey was shivering underneath the bed covers but Severide had taken away the blanket, he was actually warm, his body just didn't realise it.

"Morning Matt, how are you doing today?" his doctor questioned as he walked into the room.  
  
Casey just nodded tiredly in response.  
  
"All right then, we're going to take you in for your final scan then we'll get you prepped for the surgery, ok? Have you got anything you want to ask me?"

Casey simply shook his head.

"Ok. Is Kelly with you today?"

He nodded. "He's gone to get a coffee..." he hesitated, "Erm... doc..."

"What is it?" the doctor's voice was sympathetic, kind. He knew this was going to probably be one of the toughest days in his patient's life.

"My back's been hurting... same pain as my arm... burning as well..." Casey explained, still hesitantly.

A concerned look came to the doctor's face. "How long for Matt?"

"About a week I guess." He shrugged his good shoulder.

"Ok, well it could be anything, may just be aches and pains from compensating for your arm. We'll take a closer look while you're in the scanner."

"Could it have spread?" Casey asked, the worry was plain to hear in his voice.

"It's possible," came the grim reply.

"If it has, what happens?"

"Let's just cross that bridge if and when we need to, ok Matt?" the doctor replied. "No need to worry about anything else at the moment."

But Casey remained unconvinced.

Not long after his conversation with the doctor about the possible spread of his infection, Casey found himself inside the confines of the MRI scanner. Severide had stayed in his room whilst the staff had taken him up to the scanner floor in a wheelchair. It was the safest option for him now due to his frequent dizzy spells which created a real risk of him falling and injuring himself further. He hadn't even tried to protest because moving hurt him and he was only on a minimal regime of painkillers now.

"All right in there Matt?" Casey could hear the doctor's voice clearly through the tannoy, above the loud noise of the scanner as it whirred into action around him.

"Fine," he replied, eyes firmly closed, trying to stay as still as he could as the body scan was done. His heart was pounding and he felt light headed as he lay there. He was desperately trying to remain positive but the look the doctor had given him when he had admitted to the pain in his back certainly had not reassured him and he was feeling tense and agitated as he waited for the scanner to do its job.

In the twenty minutes he'd been lying flat in the MRI he'd managed to stay awake but he hadn't managed to keep the pain at bay. When he was asked to slowly sit up and slip his legs over the side of the of the scanner so he could move over to the wheelchair he admitted defeat and with gritted teeth and more than one cry of pain he was helped up and into the chair.

* * *

Casey was lying almost flat in his bed, unable to raise it for fear the movement would cause him even more pain. He didn't even bother to turn his head when his room door opened and his doctor came in and sat on the end of the bed by Casey's feet. Casey watched him through half closed eyes, recognising the expression immediately.

"I know that look," he commented hoarsely.

"It's not good news I'm afraid," the doctor began quietly.

"Kelly'll be back in a moment... I'd rather wait… if that's ok?"

"Of course, that's fine Matt," the doctor nodded.

True to Casey's word Severide appeared through the door with a grin planted on his face a few moments later. "So I managed to dig out a working TV that we can... oh sorry doc..." He apologised, thinking he must have interrupted a conversation between physician and patient.  
  
He'd been so focused on his mission to find a working TV so Casey wasn't just lying in silence while he waited for his surgery, but would have something else to occupy his thoughts and take his mind off the traumatic event that was about to change his life permanently. Severide could sense the tension in the air as he came closer to Casey.  
  
"Everything ok?" he asked hesitantly, almost not wanting to know, but realising he would have to know.

"More bad news…" Casey croaked tiredly.

"What's happened?" Severide quizzed the doctor.

"Well I've just been going through all the scans from earlier this morning again, and they show that the infection has actually spread. It's now in your left shoulder and in your spine," the doctor replied. "I'm sorry Matt, I wish I could have given you better news..."

"Don't suppose you can remove my spine, right?" Casey smiled cynically, his face a mask of resignation.

"How come this didn't show up on the last scans?" Severide asked when Casey fell completely silent.

"Unfortunately these types of infection can take up to two weeks to be visible on the MRI scans, which is why we originally needed to do a bone biopsy," the doctor explained. "Matt, I'm going to speak to some colleagues and do some research. We can look at..."

"This thing is gonna kill me?" Casey blurted out, point blank. No point in holding anything back now.

"If we can't find a treatment that works for you then yes, that is a possibility. But we are going to do all..."

"How long?" Casey's face held no emotion. He just stared blankly at the doctor.

"We can't say exactly Matt, you could develop pneumonia, but over time your whole body will become septic and…"

"That gonna hurt?" Casey's voice was matter-of-fact as if he'd just found out he needed a tooth pulled.

"We can manage the pain. But we haven't given up yet Matt, there will still be more options out there..."

"So… what happens now?" Severide asked as he watched Casey. He'd closed his eyes and was breathing deeply and slowly.

Casey just zoned out and the doctor's conversation with Severide melted away into the background. The doctor was right. His physical pain could be controlled but his mental anguish and pain would be another issue entirely. Perhaps he should just stop fighting against this thing and just give himself up to the inevitable?

"Is surgery one of those options?" Casey murmured after a few moments. He wasn't at all bothered that he'd just interrupted the two of them.

"We'd have to look into it Matt, but it would most likely leave you completely paralysed from the neck down," the doctor revealed, "The amount of tissue and bone that would have to be removed would make it incredibly risky."

Casey was silent for several long moments and Severide simply didn't know what to say. "What about my arm?" Casey asked eventually. "Guess I don't need to be here if the surgery isn't happening, or is it still happening?"

"Well we can go ahead with it if you want Matt but to be honest it would be like putting a band-aid over an open chest wound." The doctor's analogy was dramatic but very true.

"I can go home then?"

"Matt... think this through," Severide chipped in.

"Just did, and I don't want to be here," he replied.

"Of course you can leave the hospital, Matt," the doctor nodded his agreement. "But if you start to feel any worse you need to come in straight away, ok? I'll get your discharge papers now, but I'll call you the minute I know how we're going to move forward. Until then we'll keep you on the IV antibiotics as before."

"What's the point of doing that?" Casey asked despondently.

"Well they may just be holding back the infection, stopping it overrunning your body completely, so for the time being we're going to keep you on them, there's still a high chance you'll develop another abscess," the doctor advised. "I'll be back shortly with the papers for you to sign."

After the physician had left the room, Severide reached straight for Casey's right hand and took it in his own. "It'll be all right Matty."

"It's not going to be all right," Casey closed his tired, red rimmed eyes and sighed. "I want to be on my own."

Severide let go of his hand, hesitant to leave Casey on his own but reluctantly replied, "Yeah… sure." He turned and left the room knowing that Casey just needed a little time to digest everything the doctor had just told them.

* * *

Severide rested his right hand on Casey's knee as he drove back to their home. Casey was silent, absentmindedly staring out of the passenger window, or so it seemed. Whereas the truth was that thoughts were crashing through his head at top speed. He was going to die. This thing was going to kill him. Nothing anyone could do would stop it.

"Matty, we're back," Severide's voice broke Casey from his dismal thoughts.

"I can't..."

"S'ok… I gotcha." Severide jumped out of the car, pulled the wheelchair the hospital had provided out of the trunk of his car, it unfolded easily enough, and went round the other side to help Casey get out. "You want this?"

"No I can make it… just getting up and down is…"

"Painful?"

"Uh huh…"  
  
Severide stuck by Casey's side as he staggered into their apartment complex and stumbled through the main door.  
  
"Sorry…"

"It's fine, that's exactly why we have this." Severide eased him down into the chair and wheeled him over to the elevator.

* * *

That night Casey couldn't sleep. He just lay wide awake watching Severide as he slept peacefully next to him, lying on his front, his face half buried in the pillow. Casey's mind was all over the place. He had accepted that he would lose his arm, but he hadn't accepted that he was going to lose his life. Ever since his days at the fire academy he had understood the risks that being a firefighter held, but he knew how to do his job. He knew how to keep his men and himself safe. Yes, sometimes things happened that were generally outside his control but most of the time he felt that he had a handle on every situation. But he didn't have a handle on this one. He had no control at all. Should he just accept what was going to happen to him? Or should he be desperately searching for answers? For the time being he supposed he would just have to wait for the doctors to come up with some viable options. He would have to be patient but that wasn't one of his better qualities.

As Severide slept on Casey managed to carefully sit up and get himself out of bed so he could get out of the stuffy bedroom and into the relative coolness of the living area.

It was a couple of hours later when Severide stirred in bed, woken by the need for the bathroom. He swung his legs out and suddenly realised that Casey was missing from the other side of the bed. His heart skipped a beat, wondering where he was, and his mind automatically thought the worst. The apartment was bathed in darkness as Severide made his way into the bathroom. When he had finished he spotted Casey in the living area sitting deadly still on the couch, his good arm was clutching a plastic washing up bowl and his head was hanging against his chest.

Casey was unconsciously making small moaning noises and was unaware of Severide's presence next to him until he spoke. "Matty?" Severide questioned, switching on the lamp by the coffee table. He knelt down by Casey's bare knees.

"Sorry about the mess…" Casey mumbled. He had thrown up so suddenly that it had splattered down his bare chest and onto his loose boxers and legs before he could get the bowl picked up.

"Don't worry about it," he replied softly. "You should have woken me."

"Didn't feel ill when I got up... was too hot..." Casey tried to explain.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Not sure... sorry…"

"You still throwing up?" he looked at the plastic bowl.

"Don't know…" It had been a few days since Casey had last vomited as he had just done, he'd hoped it was going to stop altogether but that seemed incredibly unlikely now he was still on the IV antibiotics. He was certain it was the medication that was causing his nausea and not his fever because it had only gotten worse once he'd started the antibiotics, but then again, the infection had also gotten worse over the last few weeks.

"You need a shower," Severide insisted with a small nod of his head.

"Can't move..." he admitted.

Severide stared into Casey's glassy eyes. "Ok, I'll fetch some codeine… back in a sec..."

The painkillers barely took the edge off but they allowed Severide to help him to the bathroom without too much discomfort.

"I'm sorry…" Casey mumbled as Severide helped him into the bath tub.

"Quit apologising, none of this is your fault," he replied. "Temperature ok?"

Casey just nodded slightly as Severide began to wash his aching body. He must have dozed off because there was suddenly a towel wrapped around him and he was being led back to their bedroom. He couldn't bear anything other than his boxers being slipped up his legs and Severide didn't want him getting too hot again so there was no need to cause any more pain by putting any pyjamas on.

"My heart feels like it's going to explode," Casey admitted after a few moments of lying still on the bed.

"Here..." Severide slipped his hand up Casey's torso and rested it over his chest. "Take some deep breaths, let them out slowly..."

After a while Casey felt his heartbeat calm. "Will you stay with me? Stay with me 'til the end?"

"The end is going to be a long, long time away. We'll still be lying side by side when we're old and grey," Severide whispered, emotion almost breaking his voice.

"Wish that could be true."

* * *

The next day Casey was awoken by a deep seated cough that rattled his chest, just another problem to add to his ever growing list. He so wished he could stay in bed by Severide's side but he had to attend his regular daily appointment at the outpatient clinic.

When they arrived the mood was much more subdued than usual and it was clear that his regular nurse practitioner had been briefed about Casey's change of circumstances. Hearing him cough she removed the stethoscope from around her neck and took a listen to his lungs, getting him to breathe deeply in and out as he sat in the chair.

"That's good Matt," she told him, her voice gentle and compassionate, "They sound clear."

Casey just smiled a little, that was the first good news he had heard in a while. The nurse moved the collar of his t-shirt and connected up the antibiotics to his central line for what seemed like the millionth time to him now.

"Kel…" Casey began somewhat breathlessly after the nurse had gone. "Can we get out of here, out of Chicago? Just for a while..."

"Where d'ya wanna go?"

"Anywhere..." Casey shrugged his good shoulder.

"You gotta be here every day so we can't go far... and I don't really think you're up to it…" Severide replied doubtfully. He could understand Casey's desperation but he know it just wouldn't be possible right now.

"How about fishing? We never did get to go on that trip… please?" Severide could hear the longing in Casey's voice. "Can't I just stop all of this? I don't want my last months, weeks… however long I've got… I don't want to spend it here…"

"I don't know... I want to do it, I really do…" Severide replied cautiously. "But what if..." In truth, Severide had never really been able to say no to Casey and found himself unable to especially now. "Ok. We'll go away, we'll go on that fishing trip I promise." He took Casey's hand. "Now just get some rest, I'll wake you when this is over."

"Thank you," Casey smiled.

"Go to sleep. You need rest. Just think of our fishing trip, a warm fire at night… you'll complain that you're being eaten alive by mosquitos but you'll love every minute of it and so will I…"

It didn't take long for Casey to fall asleep and when he had Severide dropped his head in his hands, trying to stem the tears from flowing, he had to be strong for Casey but strong was the last thing he felt right now.

* * *

"Matt… Matty…" Severide's voice was calling him from the comfort of sleep a short while later.

"Mmm?" Casey opened his eyes to find his doctor stood in front of him next to Severide. He glanced sleepily from one to the other.

"I was hoping to catch you so we could speak in person," the doctor began.

Casey cleared his throat and scoffed. "More bad news?"

His doctor ignored the questioned and explained, "I've spoken to a colleague over at the university hospital. He's said they've had some success with hyperbaric treatment, and I think this would be a good option for you. It is covered with your insurance. The other option, as we discussed a little the other day, is surgery to remove the infected tissue and bone."

"That could leave him paralysed?" Severide questioned.

"Most likely," the doctor nodded. "It's also the most risky," he explained to them, "You could die during the surgery, it would be a lot of stress on your already overworked system. If I were you I'd go for the hyperbaric option, it's oxygen therapy, not at all invasive, but we can't say if it will be successful or not."

"So we have two options, neither of which have any guarantee?" Severide questioned, doubt evident in his tone.

"There's three options," Casey added simply, "Option three: do nothing, right?"

"Right," the doctor nodded. "But you may as well try the oxygen therapy if you don't want the…"

"I understand that," Casey replied, "But if we do that and it doesn't work I'll have spent however long I have left in hospital and I know I don't want that… you might think I'm just throwing everything away but… but it's months and nothing's worked… and if that's giving up then that's what I'm doing… I don't want to cling onto hope…"

"This could work for you Matt," the doctor said positively.

"But it might not."

"Think it all through," the man replied sympathetically. "And like always if you have any questions just give me a call."

When the doctor walked away Severide turned to Casey. "What are you thinking? I know you don't want to be stuck here, I get that, I do, but it might save for your life."

"I want to go fishing."


	7. Oxygen

After returning home from Casey's regular appointment at the hospital Severide and Casey decided they would spend the rest of the day lounging around on the couch watching TV and movies, there wasn't much more Casey could do. Severide put forward the idea that he would skip his shift the following day but Casey told him very definitely no, insisting that one of them should have some normalcy in their life. "… And besides, I'm living vicariously through you so you have to go to work and get me all the gossip…" he had smiled before drifting back to sleep on Severide's chest.

When Casey shifted a little Severide realised he had woken up and took the opportunity to try and get him to eat. "Think you can manage some dinner? Need to keep your strength up…"

"Not hungry," Casey muttered wearily.

"I know but you should have something whilst you feel semi-decent…" he tried.

"Stop it… stop fussing…" Casey groaned into Severide's shirt.

Severide grinned. "It's my job to fuss."  
  
He stroked one hand through Casey's blond hair, trying to flatten the bits that were sticking up all over the place, it hadn't been styled with anything more than Casey's own fingers over the last few weeks, although he had shaved a few days ago so his appearance wasn't entirely unkempt. Severide's grin turned to a worried frown when he felt Casey start to struggle weakly out of his arms, but he hardly had to strength to pull himself away.  
  
"Matty?"

"Hot…" Casey mumbled when he managed to get to his feet. "Need some air..."

Severide jumped up, moved quickly past him and opened up the balcony doors, before he turned to Casey and placed the back of his hand over his forehead. "You're burning up."

Casey just nodded in response, his breaths were short and ragged as he just stood there, quite still, gazing out over the city lights and up at the stars. The night was humid and airless and he was equally hot outside. He couldn't seem to cool off and his chest felt as if it was on fire, fresh air usually helped but not today and he couldn't stop himself breaking into a coughing fit.

"Cold shower," Severide announced. "C'mere… we'll get you sorted…" He wrapped an arm around his waist and walked him to the bathroom

As they stood there under the jet of tepid water Severide was the only thing keeping Casey upright. He was almost too weak now to maintain his footing so Severide just kept him there for a few minutes before he turned the shower off and towel dried Casey gently. He put on his own gown whilst still supporting Casey. He picked him up easily, thinking how he had lost far too much weight and his appearance was worse than Severide could ever remember.

A few moments later Casey was laid out on the bed with washcloths stuffed with ice cubes on his forehead and around his wrists to try and reduce the fever. He fetched his own sports drink bottle and lifted Casey's head so he could pour some sips of water into his mouth. When he thought Casey'd had enough liquid, he settled himself onto the bed by Casey's side, one hand stroking his right arm in a simple gesture of comfort that he hoped would help Casey in some small way.

Casey lay quite still and in silence, save for the occasional raspy groan that escaped his chapped lips. Severide had brought another fan into the room and left the balcony doors open in the other room. The air conditioning was full blast and although the room temperature had dropped considerably Casey was still burning up.

"Hate to say this but maybe we should go back to the hospital," Severide said thoughtfully after a few moments.

"M'ok... been worse..." Casey slurred.

"I'll take the shift off tomorrow and we..." Severide started but Casey interrupted as he often did when he knew what Severide was going to say and he disagreed.

"Nah, be fine soon... honest..."

* * *

Casey spent most of the next afternoon sleeping fitfully, constantly disturbed by coughing fits as he lay on the couch, attempting to watch TV. He was getting tired of the four walls around him, he eyed the wheelchair in the corner of the room, he wanted to go out, just for a few minutes, he wanted a change of scenery. He couldn't push himself in the chair but he'd not felt too bad since he'd returned home from his hospital appointment despite the night he'd had. Besides, he'd made it to and from the cab earlier that day just fine so he was sure he could go down to the apartment lobby and check their mailbox. He wasn't waiting on anything, it was just a normal thing to do and he was grasping for normalcy right now. He wanted to prove he could be useful but the last time he had gone with Severide for groceries he had almost passed out half way through their shop and Severide had ended up abandoning the trolley so he could get Casey home. Severide hadn't let Casey out of the apartment, save for his hospital appointments, since that incident a few weeks ago. And that was before they'd been told that the infection had spread and there was now a real risk of him dying.

Casey was standing in the lobby by their mailbox and unlocking it as one of their elderly neighbours greeted him. "Oh hello there Matthew, how are you?" she said warmly, obviously pleased to see the lovely firefighter that lived in the apartment opposite her. "I hope you're feeling better now?"

"Getting there Mrs Fremont," Casey answered almost breathlessly as he turned around to face her, gripping the mail in his right hand.

"Still got your arm in that sling I see?" she stated the very obvious. "And you've lost too much weight young man," she added in jest, smiling at Casey.

But Casey didn't really hear what she was saying as everything started to swim around him. He turned away from her but he lost his footing. He stumbled and fell. He was unconscious before he hit the lobby floor.

* * *

The squad rig pulled back through the open doors and onto the apparatus floor. The second it stopped Severide jumped out. He was pulling off his turnout gear when Boden appeared with a grim expression on his face.

"Severide, a word," he called, indicating with a movement of his head for Severide to walk over to him out of earshot of the other crew members. "Kelly, Matt's been taken to the ER at Lakeshore. Go, I'll cover for you if we get a call."

Sheer panic gripped Severide's insides as he dumped his turnout gear in a heap on the apparatus floor and took off towards his car. Less than half an hour later Severide strode up to the front desk in the ER and leaned on the counter. "I'm looking for Matthew Casey, he's just been brought in. I'm Kelly Severide, his... his emergency contact."

"I'll page his doctor for you," the clerk replied after tapping into the screen in front of her.

"Thanks." Severide hovered anxiously by the desk, looking around for the doctor.

After only a few minutes a doctor in blue scrubs approached him, he extended a hand and shook Severide's firmly as he spoke. "Kelly Severide? I'm Doctor Hanson, I'm looking after Matthew at the moment."

"Is he all right?" Severide asked quickly.

"He's ok," the doctor tried to reassure Severide without being too optimistic, "But his blood pressure is very low and he has a high fever."

"Because of the bone infection," Severide nodded. "What happened? Why did he call for an ambo?"

"He didn't," the doctor replied. "Your neighbour did, he collapsed and the EMTs thought it was best to bring him in when they saw the central line. He was agitated and delirious when he arrived. We've put him on IV fluids and paged his doctor."

"How's his fever? It hit 102 the other night but dropped back to 99 by morning," Severide explained to the man, wondering if it had spiked once again.

"Well, it's hovering around 101 at the moment," the doctor revealed.

"So he's not septic then?" Severide wanted to know, worried that Casey's infection had reached such a critical stage so quickly.

"We've got no reason to believe that. His fever just caused him to faint because of the low blood pressure..."

"Thank God… has he gotta be admitted?"

"We'll know more when his own physician has seen him... he'll decide that. The bone infection treatment hasn't worked?"

"No," Severide shook his head, "Not yet anyway... think there might be something else they are gonna try though... hopefully…"

"Well, for now the fluids will make him more comfortable, then you may be able to get him home."

"Am I allowed to go and see him?" Severide asked hopefully.

"'Yes of course you can. Just follow me, I'll take you to him."

* * *

Casey opened his eyes a little to find Severide looking down at him. He opened his mouth to speak to Severide but couldn't form any intelligible words and he couldn't be bothered to try again.

"You like making everyone worry about you, don't you?" Severide teased as he sat down and smiled down at him. He was only cracking a smile for Casey's sake because it was the last thing he felt like doing. He could see a small crease between Casey's brows and his eyes told Severide that he was still confused and unsure where he was. "You passed out at home, you're in the ER," Severide explained.

"Uh huh…" Casey could barely be bothered to respond.

"What happened?" Severide asked him, his fingers stroked Casey's right arm.

"Erm… just getting the mail..." he slurred, unable to even lift his head off the pillow.

"That's my job, your job is to rest."

"I gotta stay?" Casey questioned faintly.

"I don't know," Severide replied honestly, "Need to wait until your own doctor sees you, just gotta be patient."

"Can't we just go?"

"Matt, you're sick…"

"Please stop reminding me," he groaned.

* * *

In the common room at the firehouse, everyone was just going about their own business when Chief Boden strode in causing them all to stop talking and cease whatever they were doing. The look on his face told them all he had something important to say.

"Everyone I have an announcement to make. In case you were all wondering where Lieutenant Severide is, he's had to leave shift to go to Lakeshore for Casey. The reason his surgery didn't go ahead was because his infection has spread. I've just spoken to Severide and Casey's currently in the ER because they can't get his vitals to stabilise..." he broke off and cleared his throat, emotion was getting the better of him.

"Chief?" Herrmann questioned, seeing the look of anguish on Boden's face.

"There doesn't seem to be anything the doctors can do to help rid Casey of this infection," he admitted. "Severide and the doctors hopeful that they'll get his vitals stable so he can go home soon but…"

"They can't do anything ,Chief?" Cruz asked, clearly shocked by what Boden had said to them.

"There are some options but they're not hopeful, Casey doesn't want any more treatment."

That was the bombshell they had all dreaded. They just stared at each other in horror at their Chief's words. No-one really knew quite what to say.

* * *

Severide hovered by the door to Casey's hospital room, it had been twenty-four hours since he'd been admitted, the nurse was talking to Casey while she checked the IV and the monitor. Neither of them had noticed Severide watching. Weeks of illness had taken a heavy toll on the usually fit and healthy truck lieutenant and he now had a permanent look of exhaustion on his face, accompanied by a pained expression.  
  
It had been almost seven weeks since he had been shot and he had lost an astonishing amount of weight in that time. All the antibiotics they were pumping into Casey through his central line were making him nauseated, the pain in his arm, shoulder and back was making him nauseous, the infection itself was making him nauseous. His appetite had disappeared weeks ago and despite the anti-emetics he was taking most of what he did manage to eat was being thrown up before it was digested. It made his throat raw, it made his chest hurt, and it meant he couldn't absorb enough nutrition so his body was unable to keep fighting the infection that was gradually overcoming him so yesterday the doctors had finally taken the decision to insert an NG tube. He could now be fed directly into his stomach with much less chance of his body rejecting it.

The bed covers came up to Casey's waist and the hospital gown he wore was open at the front so the antibiotics could be connected up to the central line in his chest. Casey's pale skin was taut over his ribs where ECG pads were stuck to his flesh. The monitor by his side showed when his heart started to race as his fever increased. His respiration rate would become too fast or too slow and he became light headed. The cuff around his arm gave them his blood pressure, too low as it had been for so long now. Severide had lost track of the times Casey had passed out over the past few weeks, it was too many. There was an IV port taped in the crook of Casey's arm which was giving him fluids for rehydration and a pulse-oximeter clipped to his finger.

Not many things in his life scared Kelly Severide but he was scared at the sight of Casey lying there connected up to all this equipment that was keeping him alive. At least for now. Was this going to be it? Was Casey just going to keep deteriorating until he took his final breath? Severide's heart was pounding in his chest, threatening to escape, as he thought about Casey's last days. He didn't want to live one moment without him. He couldn't live one moment without him.

"Hey Matt," he greeted as he entered.

"Hey…" Casey smiled back, truly happy to see Severide there by his side again.

"I've had a thought," he told him.

"That's dangerous," Casey teased.

"Yeah, maybe," he grinned. "Let's take my boat out on the lake. It's not fishing and it's not out of Chicago but it's something away from all of this…"

"You feeling ok now, Matt?" the nurse asked Casey, "Your back any better?"

"All good thanks," Casey told her, he smiled at her plump, cheerful face.

"Ok, make sure you ring if you need anything then..."

"Sure, thanks, I will," Casey told her as she left.

"What was that about?"

"She sorted out a heat pad for my back," Casey explained simply, wincing as the pain kicked off again. "So when are we going on this little outing?"

"Well, I was actually going to bribe you…"

"Ok… go on…"

"I want you to go ahead and have a go at this hyperbaric treatment, it's not at all invasive, you can do it as an outpatient, it'll just take a few hours a day, it might work Matt, it might help," Severide insisted. "If you do it as soon your discharged from here we'll go out on the boat, I promise."

"I… I don't know…" Casey was still doubtful.

"Seems like an easy decision to me, and it can't do any harm."

"I know... it's just that I don't want to get my hopes up that's all..."

"Listen to me. I know you like certainty but this isn't a sure situation... if you do it you might die but you might get better and live. It could help you overcome this thing. I want you to live. I want you to fight. I want you to do this... you have to..." Severide's quiet voice cracked as he spoke. "Don't give up on it Matty... please."

"Is that what I've done? Given up?" Casey asked after a moment of thought. Severide took his right hand and sat holding it for a while in silence.

"You never give up, not with anything. That's why you have to do this. I get that you're tired and in pain and maybe… it's just easier to accept what you see as the inevitable…"

"I don't want to quit. I want to grow old and grey with you. I won't give up," he replied with determination he hadn't felt for weeks, "I don't want to die Kelly... I don't want to leave you."

"I know," Severide nodded, feeling hot tears brimming in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall, couldn't let Casey know he had never been more scared in his entire life. "I don't want you to leave me either, so you're not allowed to, all right? You're not allowed."

"I… I feel so bad right now… everything hurts…"

"Anything I can do?"

"Kiss me?" Casey grinned through the pain at the thought of Severide's soft lips against his own.

"That I can do," Severide said, leaning down and touching his lips gently to Casey's for a few long seconds. "And I can do this as well..." he picked up one of the leads that snaked across the bed.

"No…"

"Listen to me. You just said you were in pain and you are nowhere near maxed out on this."

"Don't... please. It makes everything go fuzzy and weird… everything's already confusing…"

"You need fuzzy right now, it won't last long and I'll still be here when you're not seeing colours," Severide grinned and pressed the switch on the PCA pump, sending a huge dose of painkillers into Casey's system.

* * *

With careful monitoring and medication they managed to stabilise Casey's vitals and after two days in hospital he was released with a list of very strict rules he would have to keep to. Trips outside the apartment on his own were strictly off limits and bed rest was the order of the day so what little energy he had was not depleted. A lengthy telephone discussion had taken place between Severide and Chief Boden the previous day, Severide had arranged to take all his furlough, effective immediately, so he could be with Casey from now on, until all this was finally over. Whether Casey would recover or whether he would have to be at his side twenty-four hours a day until the end Severide didn't know. He was in this for the long haul and would give Casey his total unwavering support. He didn't want to even consider the possibility of his future without Casey in it but he supposed he had to be realistic.

Severide was occupied with packing Casey's hospital stuff while the doctor was signing his discharge papers. "Will he be able to go out on the lake doc? Don't wanna compromise anything…" Severide was anxious to find out if he dare risk taking Casey out on the boat as he'd promised.

"As long as there's nothing too strenuous I can't see any reason why not, just make sure you take any meds he might need, that's all," the man replied with a smile. "Might do you good to get some fresh air on the lake, Matt."

"Oh he's not going to be doing anything other than resting," Severide nodded.

The doctor smiled. "So you're all set for Gaffney tomorrow morning at 9:30, ok?"

"Yep, he'll be there even if I have to drag him myself," Severide joked but he actually meant it. There was no way he was going to let Casey back out of it.

"Well enjoy the lake. And I hope we don't see you here again for a long time," the doctor smiled at the two of them, shook Severide's hand and left the room to continue his rounds.

"So Lieutenant Casey, your chariot awaits," Severide gave a flourished mock bow. He helped Casey get from the bed and into the wheelchair and set the duffel bag onto his knees. He was still way too weak to go any further than the bathroom and even that was a struggle for him now and a battle of wills at times.

* * *

The next morning Severide and Casey found themselves in new surroundings in the waiting area at Gaffney Medical Centre where Casey was to start undergoing the oxygen therapy treatment. He'd been in a foul mood since Severide had woken him earlier and clearly believed the huge effort it had taken him to get up and out of the apartment was all a complete waste because he was certain none of it was going to do him any good whatsoever. Today wasn't a great day pain-wise for Casey, which also partly exchanged his mood, and Severide had had to use the wheelchair to get him to the car and from the car to the waiting room.

"Matthew Casey?" the nurse's voice called from the other side of the waiting room. Severide got to his feet and pushed Casey over to where she stood, smiling warmly at them. "Hi," she greeted, "If you'll come with me..."

She lead them along a corridor and into the treatment room where the hyperbaric chamber was situated, open ready for its next patient. Severide half lifted Casey onto the rolling bed that was pulled out at one end of the chamber, ensuring he was comfortable. He would be spending ninety minutes a day for five days a week in the chamber for a minimum of thirty sessions.

"Ok Matt here we go then," Severide grinned at him from the other side of the thick perspex tube as the nurse sealed the opening and activated the chamber. "I'll be back when you're done, gotta go grocery shopping... think we're down to about half an onion and a spoon of coffee. And no beer at all."

And true to his word Severide was there waiting for Casey when the nurse wheeled him back into the waiting area. He thanked her and took over the wheelchair.

"So was it ok then?" Severide asked as he pushed Casey away from the waiting area.

"Guess so... slept most of it…" Casey said quietly.

Severide grinned widely, glad it hadn't been a disaster. "That's a good thing Matt. How's your pain?"

"It's all right."

"Good. Looking forward to our adventure out on the lake?"

"Still got meds to go…" Casey replied somewhat despondently.

"They don't take long, we'll be out on that boat in no time."

"Yeah..." Casey sighed heavily, a clear sign to Severide that something was troubling him and he needed to get it off his chest.

"Matt?"

"Could we maybe go another day?"

"Yeah… sure… Just get you home after then?"

"Please…"

* * *

The next day Casey fell asleep in the hyperbaric chamber and was barely able to hold a conversation for the thirty minutes it took for his antibiotic treatment but by the afternoon he felt a little more like himself and he and Severide made their trip out onto the lake.

The light was fading as dusk arrived and Severide began to clear up the picnic he'd brought onto the boat. Casey had only picked at some of the food, a stack of leftovers still lay on his plate. He was still hardly managing to eat anything and Severide wondered if he would end up having to be fed through an NG tube permanently to ensure some nutrition would be absorbed into his body. He chucked the unsalvageable food into the trash can he had on board and pulled out another blanket from the large wooden crate. He walked over to Casey who was lounging in a mass of pillows and blankets on the deck.

Lights were coming on now all around the shoreline and twinkled in the distance, announcing the approaching darkness. Casey was lying on his right side, so peaceful now he wasn't in lot of pain. Severide lay down next to him, looking into the silver reflections in his eyes from the deck lights. The gentle movement of the boat on the waves seemed to calm him, almost lulling him to sleep.

"I think we should stay here forever," Casey said in a low voice when he realised Severide was by his side.

"We can come back. We will come back," Severide replied softly. "You need any painkillers?"

"You trying to overdose me?" Casey's face broke into a smile.

"Just trying to make sure you're comfortable."

"I'm fine..."

"And by fine, you really mean..?"

"I mean I'm fine... really. Think you must own every pillow and blanket in this entire city though… and they're all on this boat right now," Casey laughed.

Severide's heart skipped a beat hearing his boy laugh. He didn't seem to have done that so heartily for a while. "Well, I know you like comfort so..."

"Can't tell anyone at 51… got a bit of an image to keep up…" Casey muttered.

"Matt, you have a yellow fluffy blanket under your bunk." Severide just grinned from ear to ear thinking about it.

"I do not... you're mistaking me for Shay," Casey denied the accusation.

"Nope. It's definitely yours."

"I like being cosy... you're cosy…"

Severide carefully wrapped an arm around Casey's waist and gently pulled him into a hug, "So are you," he said, "Even if you are skinny right now…"

"Got a valid excuse," he laughed softly.

"Wish you didn't. Wish there was something I could do…" Severide's voice grew sombre now.

"Never thought this was how I'd die…" Casey commented after a few moments, "Burnt alive maybe, crushed to death maybe… never this..."

"Stop it Matt…"

"What? Don't like the thought of me all crispy and flattened?" Casey laughed and that goofy expression crossed his face.

"God... I think I have given you too many painkillers... just shut up and let me hold you."

"Why?" he grinned, "You gonna miss me when I'm gone?"

Their conversation took a sombre tone as Severide stated, "The whole world will miss you… most of all I will."

"You'll miss me?" Casey questioned again, searching Severide's green eyes. He actually had someone in this world who would miss him, and that was a good feeling.

"I'll be nothing without you."

"You'll be everything..." Casey murmured, he could feel his eyes start to close.

"You're too good for this world, Matthew Casey," Severide whispered to him, but he was already asleep. Severide just smiled to himself and pulled his body closer. He wanted to hold onto Casey forever. But he knew that couldn't happen so whatever was left of Casey's life would just have to be enough.

* * *

"You want strawberry or chocolate?" Severide called from the kitchen, a few days had passed by, it was the first day Casey didn't have to make the trip to Gaffney for the hyperbaric chamber session. He only had an appointment for antibiotics at the clinic, meaning he and Severide could spend more time together at the apartment. "Matt?" he called out a little louder when he received no replied. Still nothing.   
  
He walked into their bedroom holding the two Ensure cartons. There had been no response because Casey had fallen asleep. He had had a terrible night, he'd been restless and coughing in his sleep. Then he'd woken and thrown up in the plastic basin he kept next to the bed in case of emergencies before he'd stumbled to the bathroom, Severide had then found him half asleep over the toilet and after getting him back into bed he'd stayed awake to make sure he could keep a constant check on him.

Casey needed his rest now more than ever so Severide slipped back out of their bedroom with the Ensure cartons and let him sleep. He could wait a couple more hours before he would need to wake Casey up to go for the antibiotics.

"Matt?" he called gently as he pushed back the bedroom door a little while later, expecting he would still be hidden under the covers. But he was already sitting up on the side of the bed, rubbing his face with his right hand.

"Hey…" Casey was just able to croak out before he started to cough, it quickly became a coughing fit that he could scarcely control.

"That's getting worse," Severide commented.

Casey nodded. "It's… it's getting harder to breathe…"

"It's not just a cough?" Severide's fears were coming true, Casey's health really was deteriorating, caused by the infection that was now raging through his bloodstream.

He looked up at Severide, clearly distressed by the coughing now. "Hospital?" he questioned, disappointment evident, he'd been home for less than a week.

"Yeah…" Severide replied sadly.

* * *

Casey was admitted to Lakeshore once again. Tests had confirmed their fears that Casey had developed pneumonia and the risk of septicaemia had almost doubled in a very short space of time. By the time he and Severide had arrived at the hospital his fever had spiked up to 103 and his breath sounds were severely decreased. He was agitated and confused, frightened that the ER nurse had come to take his bad arm. Even Severide had been unable to get through to him and persuade him otherwise.

Casey was only semi-conscious now. Severide was by his side when Casey's doctor walked in. "Hi Kelly. We've managed to get a bed for Matt at Gaffney so he'll be transferred there in a couple of hours so he can continue with the oxygen therapy... if that's what he wants of course."

"You don't think he'll be discharged in a few days?" Severide's eyes remained on Casey's sleeping form, it had taken some time for him to relax and fall asleep.

"No, I'm sorry Kelly, I think he's going to have a tough time fighting the pneumonia."

"Is this beginning of the end?" Severide's voice broke and hot tears sprang into his eyes. He blinked them away as the doctor's pause told him all he really needed to know.

"There's still hope for the oxygen therapy, he's not even completed a quarter of the course yet."

"He'll be comfortable?"

"The doctors over at Gaffney will make sure of it, this might not be it for him though Kelly. He was fit and healthy before all of this so I've not lost hope, and neither should you," the doctor reminded him optimistically.

"Casey's always been as stubborn as hell… you're right, this isn't it, he'll be all right…" Severide was trying to convince himself more than anyone. His eyes hadn't left Casey during the entire conversation and he didn't even bother to say goodbye to the doctor as the man left.

Severide almost jumped a few moments later when he heard Casey's voice. "Be all right Kel… promise…"

"Hey you," Severide smiled down at Casey, "Didn't realise you were awake."

"Half awake…" Casey mumbled.

"Thirsty?" he went to grab the water cup from the side.

Casey's eyes flickered open but he didn't see anything and his vision remained unfocused. "Where are we?"

"We're in the hospital, Matt," Severide explained.

"No…" he groaned.

"You're too sick to be at home."

"What? Andy spike my drink again..? That wasn't funny…"

"Matt…"

"Don't look at me like that… my head hurts… I'm never drinking again…"

"You'll feel a little better soon, I promise," Severide stated when he got over the shock of Casey's confusion.

"You two are a bad influence," Casey grumbled, closing his eyes once again, "Very bad…"

"Dunno about that Matt…" he smiled slightly, recalling the antics that had led to the incident Casey was mumbling about. Severide wasn't about to confuse Casey any further so he just went along with him. "You might look like an angel but you certainly don't act like one…"

"Says you…" Casey grinned, his eyes remained closed.

"Well, try and get some sleep… best hangover cure I can offer you…"

"No drinking is the best hangover cure…"

"Go to sleep Matt."

* * *

When Severide arrived at Gaffney the day after he'd been transferred over from Lakeshore he got to Casey's room to find an empty bed and Casey nowhere to be seen. "Matt? You here?" he called softly.

"Out in a sec…" Casey's voice called quietly out from the bathroom.

"You ok?"

The door opened and Casey appeared, clutching his IV pole. "M'all right."

"Didn't expect to see you out of bed."

"Yeah, well, I've not reached the 'pissing the bed' stage yet." It was said with more spite than he'd intended. "Sorry…"

"S'all right," Severide answered as he stepped forward and offered a hand to Casey.  
  
Casey accepted it and made his way back to his bed while Severide held onto him and wheeled the IV pole for him. He got back onto the bed and Severide pulled up the covers for him.  
  
"I've brought some more DVDs, some boxsets you might like, should keep you entertained at least a little while, nothing to taxing so you can just watch without really thinking," he explained as he helped to adjust the bed covers.

"Thanks… everyone knows I'm here?"

"Yeah, told Boden yesterday."

"Thanks," Casey nodded. "You think I should try and get in touch with my mom? I mean… Not spoken to her for nearly two years… what would I say? Hey mom, just in case you were at all bothered I wanted to let you know that I'm dying… not a great conversation starter, right?"

"It's entirely up to you… do you even have her number?"

"I thought I did… but she's never replied… probably has another number now…"

"You've not told your sister?"

"Nah… guess she'll just find out after… I don't want to upset her…"

"All right, but if you change your mind let me know, ok?"

"Ok…" Casey was struggling to draw breath now and kept coughing harshly.

"Here." Severide stood up and picked up the oxygen tube, placing the nasal cannula back around Casey's face. "You need this… you all right?"

"Erm… just feel… tingly?"

"Tingly?" Severide repeated with an eyebrow raised.

"Like pins… and needles everywhere…"

"I'll get the…" Severide started.

"Nah… no need… sure it'll stop soon, normally does…"

* * *

Days passed by and Casey whiled away the hours when he was conscious watching plenty of TV. Severide had brought him a wide range of DVDs to keep himself entertained even though his sleeping pattern was totally disrupted. When he was awake it was only for short periods of time throughout both day and night. Shortly before 6am he found himself staring at inane infomercials. He hadn't the willpower or the strength to move, nor the energy to press the remote button to change the channel or switch off the TV. His room was still fairly dark, the blinds were still closed, but one of his nurses would soon be in to check on him, and before long sunlight would filter through into the room.

Casey was finding it a problem lying in the same position for so long. He was managing to get out of bed every so often and sometimes even ventured along the short corridor where his room was, just to alleviate the pain, accompanied by his trusty IV pole and monitor. Right now he was just lying on his back as he had been most of the night. He wanted to shift over onto his right side for a while. He began to try and shuffle his body over but he knew something wasn't quite right, he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was at first and then realisation hit him like a bus.

"Morning Matt, nice to see you awake," the nurse commented cheerfully as she came into the room not too long later. She pulled the cord to open the blinds, then turned back to him to sort out the NG tube that had been re-inserted for this latest hospital stay. "How do you feel today?" she paused, "Something's wrong?"

"I… I didn't make it to the bathroom," Casey's voice betrayed his utter despondency at what had happened. "I'm… sorry."

"It's ok honey, it happens, we'll get you sorted out in no time. I'll just fetch some cleaning stuff, some fresh bedding and a clean gown. Then I'll help you wash, sound good?"

"Ok... thanks..." he muttered.

"That's what we're here for you know," she smiled, disappearing off to fetch some supplies.

Casey heaved a huge sigh and closed his eyes, a tear made its way down his cheek. He couldn't bear to think that this was part of his future now, well, the little future he had left.

* * *

"Hey, sorry I'm so late Matty," Severide smiled as he came into Casey's room later that morning. "Thought I'd better shower before I got here. Brought that book you wanted as well." He chucked it onto Casey's bed.

"Thanks... you went running?" Casey managed to ask in a hoarse voice.

"Yeah, was good," he replied. Pounding the sidewalks had improved Severide's mood no end, as much of a stress reliever as anything else. But then he spotted the look that crossed Casey's face, something between jealousy and sadness. "You'll be back out there once this is all over."

Casey scoffed. "Dunno about that… just pissed the bed."

"Huh? What?" Severide wasn't sure he had heard Casey right.

"I wet the bed," Casey replied clearly, emphasising each word. "Didn't even know I had until I looked at the sheets... can't tell when I need a leak or even..." But his voice trailed off into a loaded silence. He couldn't bring himself to admit he was becoming doubly incontinent.

"Matty you're sick, it isn't your fault, and it'll all go back to normal once you're better." Severide didn't really know what to say. He knew Casey would be devastated by this development.

Casey continued on as if Severide hadn't said anything. "But don't worry… won't happen again…" He nodded slightly towards the tubing that ran out from under the bed covers and into a bag clipped to the bed frame. It was already filling with amber coloured fluid. "Not that anyway..." he added as an afterthought, referring to the probable alternative accident he may well have as well now.

"Matt, I'm sorry all this is happening to you but you gotta believe they will fix it." He moved close to Casey and reached out a hand to comfort him.

"Don't touch me..." he coughed out. "Don't touch me... I'm disgusting..."

Severide shook his head in despair but didn't touch him, although he desperately wanted to. "You could never be disgusting, Matty."

* * *

From that point Casey's health started to deteriorate quickly. His respiration rate was decreasing each day and he wasn't recovering from the pneumonia that was invading his lungs. Not that they had expected him to. His fever was still hovering around 102 and the only nutrition had was getting was through the NG tube. He now had to sleep with the rebreather mask over his face, and the for two to four hours a day that he was awake and semi-lucid he preferred the nasal cannula so he could try to make himself understood whenever he had the energy to say anything.

Severide was by Casey's side every day without fail, and would have been with him throughout the night if he was permitted. He had got to know the staff and doctors well as he had become a constant feature in Casey's room. A room that if not for the large amount of medical equipment no longer looked like a hospital room. He had brought lots of things from home for Casey, books and magazines sat on the shelves, although most of the time Casey hadn't the energy to pick them up, let alone read them. If anything they were more for Severide so he was able to occupy himself if Casey was sleeping and could read to him when he was awake. There was a plush throw folded down at the end of his hospital bed, a few more piled up on one of the shelves, ready for when he caught a chill because despite the fever he complained of the cold, most likely because of his low blood pressure. There was a toy halligan lying by his hand on the bed, he'd been twirling his fingers over it the night before, he never liked to stay still for too long and he'd been bed bound for four days now.

Severide had stuck a few photos up on the wall in front of the bed, and a huge number of cards adorned the counter top and window ledge. Casey's collection of gifts from well-wishers only grew every time Severide made an appearance at Molly's, which wasn't often as he was mostly at the hospital. Every time he did go to the bar it would be after Casey's visiting hours were over at 8pm and he would be accosted and questioned about Casey's wellbeing, despite the fact that he had agreed with Boden to give an update if anything changed, good or bad.

Casey woke up in pain, nothing new, in fact it was expected because he couldn't move now without suffering some degree of pain. He forced his eyes open to see Severide asleep on the easy chair by the bed. Casey moved his right arm to press the PCA button, or at least that's what he thought, but the limb simply fell back to its resting place by his side. He tried again but same thing happened. He couldn't move it properly. The limb wouldn't do what his brain was telling it to. His heart started pounding in his chest, he tried not to panic but he couldn't move. He hoped this was just a nightmare, one of the strange life-like dreams he had been experiencing lately but he wasn't waking up.

"Kel..." he coughed out. "Kelly…" The mask was muffling his voice and he couldn't move his arm to use the call button. "Kelly..." he forced, coughing again.

Severide shot up from his slouched sleeping position on the chair, unaware of quite what had awoken him so dramatically, until he saw Casey's teary eyes looking at him. "What's wrong, Matty?" He was right by Casey's side in a flash. He heard Casey mutter something into the mask but couldn't make out the words. He pulled the mask away from Casey's sweating face. "Matty?"

"I can't… move…"

* * *

Severide stood back and could do nothing but watch silently as the doctor examined Casey, a sombre expression on his face. Casey was unable to move any part of his body below his neck. He could still feel pressure and pain sensations but he couldn't physically move. It had worsened over the course of the day. At first he had been able to move his fingers and right arm a little but now he couldn't even do that.

"All right Matt, we just need to lean you forward for a moment, ok?"  
  
The doctor and nurse both gently moved him into a sitting position so the doctor could take a look at his back and run his hands along the length of Casey's spine. After a couple of minutes they lay him back down again.  
  
"We'll need to do more tests and an MRI scan to confirm this but I'm fairly certain this is a spinal abscess. It's putting pressure on the nerves and cord which is causing your inability to move. We'll get an MRI done later today, Matt."

This time Casey didn't feel the same fear as he had before with his first scan. He already knew he was dying. He knew he was unlikely to ever recover from the pneumonia. He knew that he would either go into respiratory failure or develop sepsis no matter how much Severide told him to fight it, he knew it would happen. This would be just an inconvenience. He was already bed bound and now he would be bed bound and unable to move.

As predicted the doctor informed him that there was indeed an abscess in his spine, it was blocking off the blood supply to his bone and putting pressure on his spinal cord. It would only get worse and the only solution was further surgery.

* * *

"I'm going to be frank with you both, we can't wait to do this surgery under general anaesthetic, you're not stable enough for us to put under and you're not going to be in time to prevent any permanent damage to your spinal cord, Matt. It's just too risky." the doctor explained to them both.

"So it's going to get worse?" Severide questioned.

"I… can't… move…" Casey stated breathlessly. How could it get worse than this? His chest was tight and his whole body hurt, he was holding off on another dose of painkillers, he wanted to be lucid.

"I know, Matt," the doctor nodded at Casey, "And as the pressure increases on your spinal cord you'll start to lose the sensation below the abscess…"

"It'll paralyse him?" Severide asked. "We were told that surgery on his spine would be incredibly risky, that he'd most likely be paralysed if they did operate but he'll be paralysed if you don't?"

"This surgery would just be to drain the abscess, we'd not be getting rid of damaged tissue, we'd just be relieving the pressure on the spinal cord, really it's a temporary solution."

"But he can't have the anaesthetic for the surgery?" Severide questioned.

"This surgery, a laminectomy, has been done successfully numerous times under a local anaesthetic," the doctor explained. "That'll be the way forward for you, Matt."

"Be… awake..?" Casey's breathing was getting worse now, Severide wanted to slip the mask back over his face.

"You won't feel a thing during operation," the doctor replied. "I don't want to scare you but if we don't relieve the pressure it will cause permanent damage and paralysis from the neck down."

After a momentary soundless movement of his lips, Casey almost whispered, "Dying… anyway…"

"No," Severide spoke up, "You're fighting this, remember?"

"Fighting… this…" Casey repeated. "Ok… then… when?"

"I'll get you scheduled in for first thing tomorrow morning," the doctor replied with a curt nod.

"Doc…" Casey started as the man turned away.

The doctor turned back. "What is it, Matt?"

"Could… come… back?" he questioned slowly and quietly.

"It could," the doctor nodded, "It's likely too if your treatment fails to work."

* * *

Severide found himself once again pacing around in a hospital waiting room. Casey had gone up to surgery less than an hour ago, and they had told them it wouldn't be a long procedure. He saw how worried Casey had been about it from the look on his face as they had wheeled him away to the operating room and he hoped he had slept during the procedure because they couldn't give him a general anaesthetic because he was too ill for his body to tolerate that.

It wasn't long before they were bringing Casey back to his room and transferring him into bed. He was only semi-conscious and stayed that way for some time. Severide remained by him, waiting until he regained full consciousness. He heard Casey murmur a few times, clearly in pain, before his eyes finally fluttered open.   
  
"Hey baby," Severide smiled when Casey cracked open his eyes.

"Kel… it hurts…" he mumbled through the oxygen mask.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry…" Severide soothed as he pressed the call button, "I wish I could take away all your pain, I'm so sorry…"

"Just stay…"

"I'm not going anywhere," he reassured him, running a hand gently through Casey's unkempt hair. "Not going anywhere… shh… just close your eyes… that's it baby… you're all right, you're all right…"

Relief flooded through Severide when the nurse came into the room.

"Painkillers?" she asked Severide.

"Please," he nodded. "He's not good..."

The nurse disappeared to fetch meds for Casey and Severide continued to stroke Casey's hair, trying to soothe him with small mutterings.

Casey immediately fell into a blissful drug induced sleep once the nurse had given him the shot. It was a few hours before he woke again and his eyes flicked open. "Kel…" he rasped.

Severide barely heard his name escape Casey's lips, he leant over him and lifted up the oxygen mask. "Are you ok?"

"Mmm… Can't feel anything…"

"Good," Severide smiled. "You thirsty?"

"For… you…" he coughed out, but a smile soon graced his face. "For you…" he repeated.

Severide grabbed Casey's right hand and held on to it as if his life depended on it. Now or never. He sucked in a deep breath. "Marry me."

"What..?"

"Matthew Casey, I am asking you to marry me."   
  
But Severide's momentous question was only met with an awkward silence.   
  
"Matt, say something…" His eyes searched Casey's face.

"No…" Casey breathed with a slight shake of his head.

"No you don't want to say anything?"

"I… don't want… to marry you…"


	8. Stars

Severide's heart had sunk the moment Casey had hesitated with his response. He had been so sure that Casey would have said yes. "You don't want to marry me?" There was an element of sadness in his voice as he looked at Casey, whose face seemed more pained than ever.

"No. Not now. Not like this... ask me again when it's all over?" Casey could only just get the words out.

"Matt…" Severide began, almost in tears.

"Don't do… this just because… I'm dying…" he coughed out but the anguish on his face was plain to see. "Kelly… I can't… even… even wipe my own ass… you can't… marry me…" He just shook his head a little and tears came to his eyes. He could see the pain he was causing Severide but he had no choice. He couldn't let Severide tie himself to someone who was going to die shortly.

"I'm not asking you because…" Severide's voice wobbled with emotion, "Because you're dying, I'm asking you because I love you and I want to fully commit to you."

Casey just continued to shake his head slightly, his face told Severide that he couldn't do the same in return. "I know… you love me… I know… ask me again after… I'll say yes… I'll… always say yes…"

"What if there is no after?"

"I promise… I promise if… I have anything… to do… do with it… there'll be an after…" Casey's words were punctuated with harsh grating coughs.

"Matt…"

"Always telling me… how stubborn… I am," he smiled. "Gotta believe… your… own words…"

"I don't know if I can…"

"You can… I'm fighting this… remember?"

"You're fighting this," Severide repeated, trying to convince himself.

"There... will be an... after…"

* * *

Severide was carrying a coffee in one hand as he walked towards Casey's room door, he stopped outside unseen when he heard Casey talking to someone. Casey was propped up on his bed appearing to have a conversation with someone. That was something Severide would normally be happy to hear but he wasn't convinced there was anyone else in the room with him. Maybe a nurse or orderly was just out of Severide's line of sight but he couldn't hear anyone replying to Casey. There were no sounds coming through the door apart from Casey's somewhat incoherent ramblings. He went in still hoping to find someone else there but there was no-one save for Casey who was just carrying on his conversation.

"Hey," Severide interrupted Casey's flow and caught his attention as he walked in carrying the coffee. "Who were you talking to, Matt?"

"My..." Casey slowly looked from Severide to the empty chair beside his bed. "Erm... I thought... you didn't see..?"

"Who were you talking to?" he repeated gently but firmly. He needed to know what was happening.

"My... my dad..." Casey was full of doubt now.

"Oh Matt... your dad..." Severide hesitated. "Your dad's dead... he passed a long time ago…" he told him softly, his own heart breaking.

"Did he?" The lost look across Casey's face was enough to shatter Severide's heart even further. "No… I know he did… I know... I thought... I... Kel?"

"It's ok, it's all right... erm... you're being pumped full of meds, it's messing everything up, don't worry, you're not going mad."

"I'm… sorry…" he coughed, unable to say many words now without having to cough.

Severide shook his head. "Got nothing to say sorry for, all right?" Severide reached out a hand and gently smoothed back Casey's damp ruffled hair. "Here, put this back on... maybe it was better when you couldn't move and keep pulling it off," he teased as he slipped the oxygen mask back over Casey's face. He was constantly trying to remove it and bat it away, not always successfully, but at least his movement was improving rapidly since the abscess in his spine had been drained.

* * *

Severide was half asleep and sprawled in the chair by Casey's side when he heard footsteps. He opened his eyes expecting to see one of Casey's nurses but then he smiled when he heard the voice that belonged to the owner of the footsteps.

"Kelly," Shay greeted as she walked into Casey's hospital room.  
  
He was still smiling as he stood up slowly, his limbs somewhat stiff from slouching in the easy chair for most of the day, and gave her a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and held on for a few moments. Apart from his infrequent visits to Molly's Severide hadn't seen anyone besides Casey, the hospital staff and some of their neighbours for a few weeks now. He had kept in touch with everyone, kept Shay and Boden in the loop more than anyone and knew they'd deem what they could and couldn't divulge to the rest of 51.  
  
"I know you've been insisting that you didn't need any help but I figured if I came you might manage to go and try to relax a little in the cafeteria, grab a bit of a break from sitting in here..." She smiled warmly at Severide, but the smile was short-lived when she looked past him and her gaze fell on Casey. "Jesus Kelly… he looks so…"

"Guess it looks pretty drastic to you," Severide commented. No-one had seen Casey for weeks and there was lying in front of Shay, thin and pale, surrounded by medical equipment that was sustaining his life.

"The operation went well, right?" she questioned although Severide had already informed that it had been a success, she couldn't pull her eyes away from Casey and was lost for what to say.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Are they any more hopeful?"

"They're still keeping him on his treatment plan with hope that things could turn good for him..." But even as the words came out of his mouth Severide didn't believe what he was saying to her. He sighed heavily. "He's… he's started to hallucinate… not like when he's delirious… I walked in on him having a full on conversation with his dad… and earlier he was talkin' to Andy, he got so upset when I interrupted him…"

Shay's eyebrows rose with surprise at what Severide was saying. "Go get a coffee, something to eat Kelly, just 'cause Casey's not eating doesn't mean you shouldn't. Go home, go for a run, get some sleep, have a shower, just do something different for a while apart from sitting here, ok? I can stay here with Casey all day if you need me to..."

Severide shook his head. "Don't wanna leave him that long, I'll just get a coffee, but thanks. Just in case… well, you never know..." he replied sadly.

"Hey, don't think like that Kelly, ok? We have to try and be positive, right? As Boden would say - only positive thoughts allowed in here."

"He would. But I can only do that for so long… I mean... look at him…" Severide shook his head sadness overcoming him. "His fever's not dropping, his breathing gets worse every…" Shay suddenly pulled him in for a hug, she rubbed his back, and his tears started to fall. After a while his tears stopped and Severide pulled back from Shay. "Sorry… I'm a mess…"

"You are," she teased, "But it's perfectly acceptable."

"I love him so much and I…"

"I know," she nodded. "But Kelly go, please, you need a break from this..." Her eyes were pleading with him to take her advice but his heart was full of fear. Fear that something would happen to Casey while he was gone and that he wouldn't see him alive again, the same fear he had every night when he had to leave Casey. "Go get a coffee and a cookie, or something. And bring me back one, ok?" Shay peered into his face, "Go on... Casey wouldn't want you to neglect yourself."

"All right, back in a while then,, Severide moved away from her and over to Casey who seemed to be sleeping. He picked up his right hand from the bed and held it to his lips. "Love you Matty… don't go anywhere will ya?" his voice shook a little.

Casey didn't open his eyes but just murmured from inside the mask. "Mmm... no… right here... love you too…"  
  
He kissed Casey's limp hand again and laid it back by his side. Severide walked quickly out of the room without looking back. He knew if he had, he wouldn't have got through the door.

Shay sat herself down in the chair next to Casey's bed. His eyes were closed and she didn't want to disturb him so she pulled out a book from her bag. After she had been there for a few moments she saw a tiny movement as he opened his eyes a little.

"Hey Matt," she greeted him with a smile, putting her book down.  
  
He just looked towards her, his eyes were glassy and his face was expressionless but he was lifting his right arm towards her.  
  
She took his hand. "You're moving well, that's a great sign." It had been a couple of days since his latest surgery and his movements were still slow and clumsy but he had recovered from the spinal cord abscess as well as they could expect.

"Mmm…" he voiced mindlessly, wondering how long he might last, wondering if he would die before they needed to do any more surgery. He hoped that he would. He didn't want to go through it all time and time again. It would all be for nothing. He was only agreeing to it to make Severide happy because he couldn't bear to let him down.

She was watching closely as Casey's eyes started to search the room. "I ordered Kelly down to the cafeteria to get some food," she told him, trying to keep her voice light and casual. "Told him to bring us some cookies back."

"Uh huh…" Casey murmured, his eyelids almost closing but then a frown crept onto his face. "Can't... eat..."

"Oh I know you can't sweetie..." She gently brushed his hand. "Matt, Kelly hasn't told you but you need to know that everyone wants to come and see you, they need to see you... and I think you need to see them..." she spoke softly.

"Say goodbyes?" He almost laughed at the image and a vague smile remained on his lips.

"I guess so," Shay replied. Casey seemed to have accepted that he was going to die but those around him couldn't.

"Well if they want... can't promise I'll be awake..." he grinned sloppily, "Or with it..."

"Kelly said you've started hallucinating," Shay spoke softly, sadness on her face. "It's nothing to worry about really, you have high fever and it is part of the process of..." Shay stopped herself before she said too much.

"You're really... here?" Casey coughed out, making Shay frown.

"That's not a joke… is it?"

"Dunno," he mumbled in response. An all too familiar bemused look came over Casey's face. "Sorry..."

* * *

The days passed by in much the same manner. After being fed through the NG tube Casey would be taken to the hyperbaric chamber for oxygen therapy, and then when he returned to his room he'd receive his antibiotic treatment through his central line. Severide would usually be waiting for Casey in his room before the nurse arrived with the antibiotic solutions. More often than not Casey would be sleeping which Severide was grateful for because then he would be peaceful and not suffering. It tore his heart to shreds to see Casey in any kind of pain, either physical or emotional, and lately his heart was constantly in shreds. He was sitting close to Casey when he woke up and looked at him with watery eyes.

"I love you…" Casey mumbled into the oxygen mask. "And… I'm sorry…" Just a few words triggered off another fit of coughing.

"What?" Severide moved closer until his face was only a few inches away from Casey's. He raised a hand to pull the mask away.

"Said..." Casey was breathless, his face flushed from coughing.

"I know what you said," he told Casey. "What are you sorry for?"

"Said… no… sorry..."

"I still understand why...' Severide replied as he gently stroked Casey's hair back

"Wish… could say… yes…" Casey was becoming short of breath and economical with words but Severide knew he needed to say them.

"I know Matty, I know. And I wish you could say yes as well… but you will get to one day." Severide kept on stroking Casey's head and his eyes gradually closed. "You're burning…" he commented.

"Uhh…" was Casey's only response. He was so used to running a high fever that he took very little notice now. Severide picked up a bottle of water from the swing table and brought the straw to Casey's lips, but he just turned his head away and groaned.  "No..."

"Matt, you need to try and drink." Severide placed the water bottle back on the side and picked up another plastic cup. "At least suck on some ice chips."

"No…" He turned his head away again. "No… suck on you though…" he suddenly grinned, but Severide just stared down at him, a little shocked at the words that had just left his lips. Casey had always been somewhat guarded but now he seemed to be uninhibited. Severide turned as there was a quick knock at the open door and the doctor walked in.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, seeing the two men in such close proximity and Severide's hand on Casey's head.

"Yeah, you are... always…" Casey retorted, still short of breath, but not short on humour suddenly.

"What is it doc?" Severide asked seriously.

"I've been speaking with one of Matt's nurses and she's suggested something that will make him more comfortable and I tend to be in agreement," he explained to Severide. Then he turned to Casey who'd stopped smiling now and looking up at the ceiling. "Matt, your NG tube needs to come out and be replaced. Now we could just place another one, but in the long run that's not the most ideal situation. It would be better if we swapped it for a PEG tube, which will go directly into your stomach..."

"Thought the NG tube ran directly into his stomach?" Severide questioned.

"It does but the PEG tube would sit right here," the doctor indicated a point on his own abdomen, "It will be far more comfortable and much better, long term."

"Long term?" Casey repeated. "How… long do I… really have?" he asked slowly.

"Matt you're still here, you're still fighting and this will help. If and when you get to the point you need the oxygen mask all the time we don't want the NG tube getting in the way, we want you to have every possible chance..."

"Yeah… whatever…" Casey murmured offhandedly.

"Matty, they're thinking long term, you need to think long term too…" Severide tried to encourage him.

"Maybe… maybe you should… just… not feed me…"

Severide looked up worriedly at the doctor, who remained grim faced, he looked back down at Casey. "That's not an option 'cause you made a promise. You're fighting this, remember?"

* * *

A few hours later the endoscopic procedure to place the PEG tube was done, Casey had been under sedation and the tube was finally secured in place on the outside of his stomach with a blue bumper and a seal clip then covered with sterile gauze. Back in his room Casey woke slowly and in discomfort. He fumbled and pulled off his oxygen mask, the edges irritated his skin, it was uncomfortable. As his eyes began to focus, a smile came to his face as he saw a man next to him at the side of the bed.

"Hey buddy," the man's voice said to him.

"Andy... You're really here?"

"Yeah, of course I am, Matt," Andy told him, concern etched across his face.

"Sorry... Kel says I keep... seeing things..."

"Oh yeah?" Andy smiled. "Like what?"

"You?" he replied with uncertainty.

"I'm right here." Andy was still smiling that big goofy smile.

He wasn't entirely convinced. "Huh..."

"Kelly is too," Andy explained.

"What?" Casey turned his head in the direction of Andy's gaze, frowning when he saw Severide sitting in the chair by his side. He could've sworn he hadn't been there a moment ago.

"Who are you talking to?"

"And..." He trailed off because really he should have known it was impossible for Andy to be there.

"No-one else is here, Matt." Severide put down his magazine and took Casey's hand. "Only us two."

"Oh... sorry…" Casey was silent for a few moments before calling out for Severide.

"Yeah, I'm here Matty," Severide moved quickly over from the chair to his side. "I'm here, I'm here."

"Hi…" Casey smiled when he reached his side, their faces were only millimetres away from each.

"Hi," he smiled down at him. "Are you in any pain?"

"No…"

"Good," he nodded. Slowly he pulled down the safety rail so he could lean over and wrap his arms around Casey and hug him and soothe him. "Not hurting you am I?" he was half lying on the bed now.

"No…" Casey shook his head ever so slightly. "What's..?"

Severide watched Casey's stunning eyes gazing over towards the corner of the room. "What are you looking at?" he asked.

"You… you don't… see that?"

"See what?" Severide followed Casey's line of vision.

"Erm… nothing…"

* * *

More days passed, Casey's fever wasn't getting any worse, but it wasn't getting any better either and it was taking an incredible toll on him, and on Severide who could do little to nothing as he watched Casey suffer. They'd got to the stage now where the staff would freely give him painkillers to make sure he was comfortable, they weren't worried about giving him too many as long as they didn't decrease his respiration rate any further.

"Hey Severide!" Herrmann greeted Kelly in his typical way, just outside Casey's hospital room.

"Hi Kelly." Herrmann's wife, Cindy, smiled and touched Severide's arm comfortingly. "How is he doing?"

"Not a good day," Severide admitted, despondent after the news that the doctors had found another abscess, this time in Casey's upper left arm at the original gunshot wound site and he was going to have to go through surgery again the next day. Their only consolation this time was that at least it wasn't in his spine again. But it did still require draining. They had to keep on top of this infection as best they could, and if it went untreated it would eventually burst and flood Casey's already compromised bloodstream with even more resistant bacteria.

"Lieutenant, we can come back another time?" Herrmann said, while Cindy also insisted they didn't need to disturb Casey.

"No. I'm sure he'll be happy to see some faces other than mine, come on in…" Severide ushered the couple through the door.

They were hesitant to approach Casey to begin with, not wanting to wake him as he seemed to be asleep. His eyes were closed and an oxygen mask was secured to his ashen face. He had pulled down the bed covers and opened his gown because of his fever and the central line and PEG tube were visible. Severide hastily took hold of the blanket and covered Casey's chest with it before the Herrmanns reached his side. Casey coughed once or twice but didn't wake.

"He's just had quite a lot of painkillers, probably be out of it for a while but you're welcome to stay," Severide offered, "The cafeteria's actually really good."

"Is there anything we can do Lieutenant. For Casey... or for you?" Herrmann asked kindly, looking from the unconscious truck lieutenant to the very wide awake squad lieutenant.

"I'm not slowly dying," Severide replied, running a hand over his hair.

"No you're not, but your best friend, your brother, is…" Herrmann answered, his voice still low and quiet.

"Well he's accepted that he is anyway..." Severide almost whispered. Cindy walked up to him and looped her arm into his. He smiled down at her. No words spoken. "How's things at 51?" Severide enquired after a few moments of silence, broken only by the sound of Casey's noisy breathing through the mask.

"It's certainly not the same without you two there..." Herrmann replied, "It won't be back to normal until you're there again."

"51 without Casey…" Severide shook his head. "He is trying, he's trying so hard to beat this…"

"Wouldn't expect anything less of him… I remember his first day at 51, never thought he'd last with us lot under his command, he was so young."

Severide smiled. "Took a lot of persuading for him to sit that lieutenants exam… he never thought he'd pass… did he ever tell you that he got full marks?" he questioned.  
  
Herrmann shook his head.  
  
"He didn't tell me either, didn't tell anyone, just said he'd passed and that's all that mattered. I only found out because I found the letter. You know what he did when passed? Said he doubted they'd ever give him a promotion… only took him two months to get to 51."

"And he's lasted there a lot longer than I ever thought…" Herrmann smiled at the memory. "He's strong."

* * *

Surgery number three took place the following day to drain the abscess in Casey's left arm. Unlike the spinal surgery the surgeon was able to take away the infected bone and tissue and with rehab his arm should return to being fully functional if he could fight off the infection. At this stage he was in no fit state for rehab, and wouldn't have seen the point in it anyway, so the doctors didn't mention the matter. They had told him about the risk to his arm and he hadn't shown an ounce of emotion towards the fact that he could well be left with an arm that didn't function. It didn't matter to him anyway. Not much did matter to him now.

Casey's time spent conscious was decreasing each day. At most he spent an hour awake now but Severide still remained vigilantly by his side throughout the visiting hours. He talked to Casey even whilst he was sleeping, he read magazine features and books to him. There was no way was he going to leave Casey alone. What if he woke up and Severide wasn't there? And worse still, what if he… Severide couldn't bear to think about it.

Severide was in the middle of a reading a page from the fishing magazine to Casey when he saw him move his right arm and pull the oxygen mask away. "Don't take that off… Matt, you really need to keep this on." He leaned over and replaced the oxygen mask over Casey's pale face.

"No... get it… off…" Casey resisted him.

"I know it's annoying," Severide sympathised, "But you need the oxygen, ok?"

Casey looked at him as if he was speaking a foreign language and moved his arm to remove the mask once again.

"Matt…" he warned and when he watched Casey's arm fall limply back to the bed he smiled, he wasn't totally out of it. "Thank you… What are you looking at?" he asked when Casey's eyes gazed upwards.

"The stars…" Casey muttered underneath his mask.

"Yeah? They beautiful?"

"They are…" he frowned and glanced at Severide. "You can't… see them?"

"I can see them." Severide smiled and he looked up at the white tiled ceiling. "They're nearly as beautiful as you."

* * *

When the nurse entered Casey's hospital room pushing an empty wheelchair Severide was by Casey's side dabbing a cold damp cloth onto his forehead, neck and chest in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort of his fever which had rocketed again.

She smiled and looked down. "As requested Kelly - one wheelchair."

Severide glanced up at her, nodding and smiling. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, anything else you need?"

"No," he shook his head. "Thank you for this."

"Ok, well, let's get this done then," the nurse replied with a smile.

"Got a bit of a surprise for ya, Matty." He looked back down to him.

"Huh... urprise..?" Casey slurred his words.

"Yup," Severide nodded, "Gonna sit you up, all right? Then me and Alice here are gonna get you out of this bed and into this chair, ok?'"

"All… right…" he coughed out.

Casey was wincing in pain as they moved him carefully from the bed into the chair, and Alice disconnected him from the monitor and the PCA machine temporarily. She unclipped the urine collection bag and re-clipped it underneath the wheelchair seat. Severide covered his lap and legs with a blanket. Casey was gritting his teeth in pain but said he was fine when the nurse asked him. He didn't want to forego whatever Severide had planned for him and he wasn't about let pain get the better of him either.

"You can open your eyes now," Severide announced as he reached their destination. "You've fallen asleep, haven't you?" he grinned.

"No…"

"Open your eyes then."

"We're… outside…" He could feel the sun on his face, a cool breeze running through his hair.

"Yes," Severide replied, still smiling, "So open your eyes."

Slowly Casey opened his eyes and glanced around the small courtyard, it was like a secret garden hidden behind the confines of the hospital. "No picnic… this time?"

"Well, this is just an ordinary day, not our anniversary," Severide explained, grinning because it certainly wasn't an ordinary day, it was the first time Casey had been out of his hospital room for such a long time.

Casey couldn't count the days he'd been confined with the hospital. "Yeah… ordinary… day…" he smiled. Severide hadn't seen Casey smile like that for weeks now. "Who d'ya… bribe… for this?"

"Had to take out a bank loan to bribe everyone for this," he teased.

"How… long..?"

"As long as you want, Matt," Severide replied.

"Just gonna… close my… eyes…"

"All right, just relax, take as much time as you want out here." Severide smiled back towards the nurse who was holding the fire exit door open for them so they could return back inside.

Once they had gotten back inside Casey's hospital room Severide and the nurse began to help him out of the wheelchair

"Ok Matty, just hold on to me and we can..." Severide began, attempting to ease Casey from chair to bed.

"Can't…" he replied tiredly.

"Ok, it's ok, I can lift you. Just put your arm around me and we'll..."

"Can't… can't move…"

Severide's heart sank but he tried not to worry Casey by making a big thing of it. He just lifted him easily and laid him back on the bed rather than wait for the nurse to help him move him properly, the weight Casey had lost made it an easy task for Severide now.

* * *

"I'm sorry Matt," the doctor began the next day. Severide had lost count of how many times one the doctors had said those same words to Casey since he had been shot. "The MRI has confirmed what we thought, there is another abscess in your spine, exact same place as before."

"But he can't feel his legs this time," Severide stated.

"I know," the man nodded sympathetically, turning directly to Casey who seemed to have completely zoned out. "We've scheduled you in for emergency surgery this afternoon."

"Don't… want it…" Those were the first words Casey had spoken since admitting to a nurse earlier in the day that he couldn't feel anything below his waist while she was giving him a bed bath. The effects of the abscess had developed far more rapidly this time and were far more severe. Previously he had sensation but couldn't move. This time he was suffering complete paraplegia.

* * *

If Casey had been able kick and scream Severide was quite sure that's what he would have done as he was taken away for a second surgery on his spine. Severide just had to tough it out and wait for him to be brought back to his room. Chief Boden turned up on the ward in uniform and clutching his radio. Severide was sitting with his head in his hands, startled when his chief entered the room.

"Kelly," he said in his deep authoritative voice, "I came as soon as I got your message. Is Casey still in surgery?"

"He'll be out soon, doesn't take long," Severide replied despondently.

Boden sat down on the bed, opposite Severide.

"Know what Chief?" Severide began after a few moments. "He didn't want this. I told him he had to do it. He didn't want another surgery," he shook his head, "Said he'd just end up having more in a few weeks, if he even makes it that long... he's through with it all now. Just wants the end. I mean, I keep trying to remind him that he's fighting it but he's losing this battle..."

* * *

Casey recovered from surgery number four as well as anyone could have hoped. Less than a week after the operation he'd regained all the feeling in his legs and movement in his body, save for his left arm that had lain limp by his side since the previous surgery.

Severide was sat by Casey waiting patiently for him to wake up. He was passing a lot of time doing that these days. But he wouldn't have it any other way. He was staring at Casey at the precise moment that his eyes opened and he smiled at Severide.

"Hey baby," Severide said cheerily, well, with as much cheer as he could muster. "How you doing?"

"Ok... I think..." he croaked, his throat was raw now from all of the coughing.

Severide smiled and went about distracting Casey from the situation he was in. "When you get out of here what's the first thing you wanna do?" he asked.

"Not be... in... bed," came the gruff reply, accompanied by a smile.

Severide smiled back. "That's adventurous, Matty."

"Yeah..." Then after a few moments Casey told him, "The boat..."

"That's more like it," Severide grinned, thinking about their recent trip on the lake.

"Take... a shower..." Casey spluttered between coughs now. "Use... a toilet..." After a small bout of coughing Casey continued on. "But... ya know... what I... want most... Kel?"

"No, what?"

"Sleep by... your side..." Casey's eyes closed but the smile remained on his face.

"Sounds like a great plan. Soon as you're outa here we're gonna take a nice warm shower, not a cold one, and then..."

But Casey cut him off there and began to grin, quite clearly having some kind of mischief in his head. "Sex... shower sex..."

"Sounds like an even better plan…"

"Also I plan... to never... get shot... again."

"Yeah, well, I'm all for that," Severide retorted.

"For... what?" Casey repeated after a moment.

"Nothin' Matt..."

"Hearing... things?" Casey frowned a little, wondering if Severide had actually spoken or if he had imagined it.

"No you're not... it just wasn't important... look it's getting late. I'll read to you before I get kicked out."

* * *

Today was a good day for Casey. He had managed to stay awake during most of his time in the hyperbaric chamber and they had put some music on for him to listen to. And he had also been able to chat to the nurse who set up his antibiotic treatment, despite his coughing spells every so often. When they got back to his room he was still clear headed enough to be able to open some of the gifts and cards that had been coming in a constant stream for his birthday despite insisting that he wasn't at all bothered and wanted nothing. He didn't want to even celebrate the day because after all what was there to celebrate?

Although his movements were still clumsy Casey managed to open the first parcel Severide had passed him with one hand. It was a photo in a plain black wooden frame, a photo of Casey's beloved Truck 81 standing on the forecourt at the Firehouse accompanied by a note and a card from his 51 family. Casey stared down at them.

"What's that?" Severide quizzed him, seeing tears coming into Casey's eyes.

"Something worth… fighting for…" Casey whispered, reading the note.

"It is," Severide agreed.

"Kel…" Casey was shaking his head, "It's you… that's worth… fighting for."

Severide opened the card that came with the gift, he held it up to Casey, it showed a simple picture of some glasses of beer and the words 'Many Happy Returns' were highlighted in the middle. Severide looked down at the words. "Well, you will have Matt, I'm sure. You're doing so well at fighting this thing."

"No... giving... up …" Casey muttered under his breath.

Severide leaned in and kissed him lightly on his forehead. "Right, let's get the rest of these open then..."   
  
And soon the whole of Casey's hospital room was full of even more flowers, cards and gifts.  
  
"We'll have to make some space for all these," Severide commented as he looked around.

"Never knew I was so popular." He began to laugh, which soon turned into a bout of coughing that caused his airways to burn and grate inside his chest. He groaned with the pain, seeing Severide moving quickly towards him. "No..." he grunted out, seeing Severide reaching for the PCA button.

"You sure?' Sounded like your lungs were gonna come up..."

"Don't think… possible..."

"Well... knowing your luck..." Severide teased him.

Casey scoffed and began to cough again and this time he couldn't stop it. It was relentless and he was struggling to breathe, he couldn't catch a breath. The monitors around his bed started blaring. Severide hit the emergency button by Casey's side and called out for help. In only a few seconds a nurse had come in running. She checked his vitals and immediately called for their rapid response medical team. Casey's breaths were ragged and crackling now and he couldn't stop coughing long enough to get his breathing under control. His eyes became panicked and Severide could tell he was frightened that this was it. He was going to die right now.

"Matt just try and breathe… you're ok… you're gonna be ok…" Severide said to him, unable to do anything else except offer words.

Casey was wheezing and chest was heaving. He couldn't get enough oxygen. His eyes burned into Severide's, wanting them to be the last thing he would see. But Severide was pulled away from Casey's side when the rapid response team arrived.

"No…" Severide protested when the nurse forced him away from Casey's bedside. "No, let me stay, I can't leave him… I said I'd never leave him… please… he can't be alone if…"

"I'm sorry, Kelly." She shook her head, herding him out of the door. "You have to go outside."

The rapid response medical team had got to work on Casey the second they reached his side. His eyes had closed. There was a mass of action and movement around him. His bed had been flattened and a critical care nurse had grabbed a bag valve oxygen mask and was pumping the bag to ensure he had some oxygen intake as his respiration and saturation rate had plummeted. The doctor was assessing him as quickly as possible trying to decipher what had caused his oxygen levels to fall so rapidly.

"Left lung's muffled… get me an ultrasound…" There was activity as the doctor's order was carried out.

"Respiration's still dropping, doctor..." the nurse announced.

The doctor quickly prepared the ultrasound and placed in onto Casey's chest. "That's all fluid..." he said. "Get me a pleural effusion kit..."

"No breath sounds, he's stopped breathing," the nurse advised, still pumping the bag.

Using the ultrasound to guide the needle into Casey's side, the doctor spoke again. "Ok, I'm in… and we've got fluid… catheter…" He reached out and took the tube that a nurse passed him, connecting it to the large bore needle that lay embedded in Casey's left lung. Immediately the bag at the end of the catheter started to fill up.

"He's breathing, doctor."

That was confirmed with a nod of the doctor's head as he pulled out his stethoscope. "He has equal breath sounds on both sides now."

"Respiration rate's increasing, O2 stats rising," the nurse announced.

"Good work people." The doctor smiled as he stood back. "Page his physician. And we need to get a new series of chest scans done."

The second the doctor stepped out of Casey's room, Severide was bombarding the man with questions. "What happened? How is he?" he asked urgently.

"He's breathing on his own," came the reply. "He had what's called a pleural effusion, his left lung had filled with fluid."

"He's gonna be ok?"

"For now," the doctor nodded. "I looked at his chart. It may very well happen again. It's very common with pneumonia of this severity," he explained. "You can go back in to his room now if you want. He's unconscious but he should come round soon. He still has the catheter in his lung. If he has any questions when he wakes his doctor will answer them."

Severide let out the breath he'd been holding throughout the conversation. "Thanks for all your efforts doc," he told him as he watched the team wheel away their equipment from Casey's room, leaving his nurse just to ensure everything was ok and to check his tubing and monitors.

* * *

When Casey opened his eyes, he had no idea where he was or why. When he tried to recall memories they slipped from his faint grasp. That is until he Severide's worried face peering down at him and then the weeks, months even, of hospital visits and stays all began flooding back to him.

"Hey you," Severide was saying.   
  
Casey just groaned in response, not really saying anything intelligible.  
  
"What's wrong? You in pain?" Severide moved to press the call button.

Casey's head moved slightly to indicate no. He was in pain but it was manageable. "Wha... hap..?" he mumbled

"You stopped breathing, Matt," Severide explained, his words came a lot more calmly than he felt. "Fluid in your lung from the pneumonia. But it's ok now, they've drained it and left a catheter in case it happens again."

"No..." Casey just groaned again. He didn't want this.

"Talk to me Matt, what's wrong?" Severide urged, but Casey was struggling for breath and simply shook his head so Severide slipped the oxygen back onto his face.

* * *

Later in the day Casey's doctor visited, greeting him solemnly, "Hi there Matt, I'm pleased to see you awake." Casey had been asleep after he'd spoken with the rapid response team and entered his room so he'd only managed to speak to Severide.

"Is this… it..?" Casey murmured, pulling his oxygen mask away a little.

The physician was thoughtful for a moment before he spoke. "We can't get the pneumonia under control and we've made no headway with clearing the infection from your bloodstream, all we're able to do is manage your manage your symptoms. It will kill you." The man nodded.

Casey was thankful that Severide was out of the room down the end of the corridor getting his eleventh coffee that day. "Ok... when..?" Casey wheezed.

"After seeing your recent scans I'd say it wouldn't be more than about a week Matt. We can put you on a ventilator and continue to drain fluid off but its weakening your lungs. I can't promise that we'd ever be able to take you off the machine. I can't promise you that you'd wake up," he said sombrely.

"Don't..." Casey muttered.

"Don't what, Matt?"

"Don't do… that." He coughed some more. "No ventilator," he stated clearly, "No more… surgery or… procedures… please… stop it… all."

"Only if you are a hundred percent sure that's what you want?" The doctor just nodded again, making notes on his clipboard.

"Want... a DNR..." Casey said deliberately and as clearly as he could.

"Have you discussed this with anyone, Matt?"

"No... but I'm… sure," he nodded, "Meds… only. No extraordinary… measures…"

"Ok," the doctor accepted, he understood Casey's decision. "Well, I can sort out the paperwork right away for you Matt and I'll bring them in for you to sign as soon as they're ready."

Unbeknown to Casey, Severide was standing just out of his sight by the door and had heard every word of his conversation with the doctor. He hadn't deliberately listened in but had just returned with a coffee when he heard the doctor tell Casey that the pneumonia was likely to kill him within a week or so. He tried to plant a smile on his face before he swept the door further open and walked in.

"Hey Matt," he beamed. "Guess what?"

"They… ran out… of coffee?"

"Fortunately no," he replied. "But I did find this in the shop."

Casey couldn't see what he'd pulled out of his jean pocket. "What..?"

"Rubik's cube," he smiled, "And I know you can't use it yet but you can tell me how to figure it out."

"I'll leave you two to it." The doctor took his leave, giving Casey a small nod as he left.

"You… heard?" Casey assumed.

"Yeah," Severide nodded.

"Sorry…"

Severide touched his shoulder. "Don't ever be sorry. You've done so well, Matt. So well. I love you."

* * *

Casey's health declined rapidly over the following days. They replaced the oxygen mask with a positive pressure ventilation mask, they would have preferred to intubate him but he'd signed a living will stating his wishes. Time passed quickly for Severide as he watched Casey's vitals grow weaker and weaker each day on the monitors that surrounded his bed. Casey barely woke for more than a few minutes every so often now but Severide didn't leave his side.

It was a Sunday afternoon, the sun was casting rays of light into the hospital room as Casey gazed up into Severide's eyes. "I… love you…" he muttered faintly under the mask but Severide heard him clearly and took his hand gently.

"Shh... you don't need to speak." His eyes were full of tears as he spoke to Casey. "You did so well Matt, so well... and it's ok, it's ok if you want to sleep now. You can close your eyes if you want. You can let go. I love you. I will always love you..." Severide's voice broke and his tears fell as he watched Casey's eyes closed and heard his breaths rattle underneath the mask.


	9. Breathing

Casey remained unconscious, hanging on to life by a thread, but Severide didn't alter his routine, not even one tiny bit. Every day when he arrived he would go to Casey and take his right hand, kiss it, stroke his nerveless fingers before kissing his forehead and stroking back his hair which had grown longer now. Every day when he left he would do the same and whisper to Casey. "I love you." He'd never know if Casey could hear him or not because he would never be able to tell him. But he hoped that he would leave the earth knowing that he was loved. Completely and unconditionally loved.

Severide was by Casey's side all day, every day. He heard every small moan of pain, heard him struggle to breathe, saw every tiny movement of his eyes under closed lids. Severide's heart missed a beat every time he heard the monitor sounded when one of Casey's vitals changed. He even assisted the nurses with changing the bedding. And he helped to bathe him every day and move his position so he didn't develop pressure sores anywhere on his body. He spent hours reading to him and telling him the gossip he had heard from the nurses. He told him about all the latest news from 51 that had been passed on to him from Boden and Shay. But Casey didn't wake. It was just as if he was sleeping. But Severide knew in his heart that Casey wasn't just sleeping. He knew he was dying. His organs would begin to close down soon and he prayed that Casey wouldn't be in any pain when that started. He knew Casey would never wake up again. He would never see that beautiful dimpled smile and those amazing oceanic eyes. Severide was just going through the motions, waiting for the inevitable. It would break his heart even though he knew Casey would leave him any day now.

Most of those who worked at firehouse 51 came to visit Casey and even other firehouses made the effort to come and see him. The news of his shooting and of his illness had spread like wildfire weeks back and Herrmann, being the man he was, had started a collection to help with bills and so on. Casey was a very well-liked and much-respected Lieutenant so there was no surprise when he made the announcement in Molly's one evening about how much they had collected so far and donations were still flooding in for Casey.

Some of Casey's visitors had said very little, unable to overcome their emotions at seeing such a fit young man in such a terrible situation. Others had recalled tales of past adventures as well as misadventures with the CFD. Severide kept to Casey's wish and decided not to contact his mom and sister until after he had passed. He would then give each of them their own short letter that Casey had transcribed. Shay had proved to be an unbreakable support for Severide, making sure he ate, slept and showered every day, and she comforted him despite wanting to break down into tears herself.

Five days after Severide had held his hand and told Casey he could let go, his eyes opened. They were heavy lidded and glassy as he struggled to focus, but no recognition was there and they closed again. Severide questioned Casey's doctor when he came into the room to check on things a short time after Casey's eyes had flickered open.

"He's had his eyes open doc... only for a second or two... and I don't know if he saw me but they were open…" Severide tried not to feel too elated, cautious that it might not mean anything.  
  
"Kelly, his condition has begun to stabilise," the doctor nodded, "It's good news."

"How? You gave him a week… what's happened?" Severide's heart leapt into his mouth at the news.

"His vitals are starting to improve a little and his body is beginning to fight the infection and pneumonia. His lungs are clearing and the scan from this morning shows no more spread that we can detect. His white blood cell count is increasing and the infection is no longer so virulent."

"Is he still going to die?" Severide questioned. "Thought white blood cells increasing meant infection?"

"In Matt's case this is really good, before his body wasn't able to fight the infection, his white count dropped because the bacteria was resistant but the oxygen therapy has helped his body to increase infection fighting cells," the doctor explained. "I'm hopeful he might just beat this," he nodded with reassurance.

"No more than hopeful?"

"There are no guarantees for him Kelly, but it's started to look very positive now as far as we can tell. Put it this way - he's not getting any worse and he has improved a little overall."

"Thanks doc," Severide said before he sat back down at Casey's side.

"I'm glad I could give you good news, Kelly." The physician left the room and Severide picked up Casey's right hand once more now the two of them were alone.

"Hear that, Matty? You're getting a bit better, you're beating this thing. You're doing so well… you can't let go now, ya hear me?" Severide heaved a huge sigh and held Casey's hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

* * *

Six days after Severide had held Casey's hand and told him he could let go his respiration and oxygen saturation rate had increased and they were able to replace to positive pressure ventilation mask with a standard non-rebreather. Severide felt a sense of hope he hadn't had for a long time, although he tried not to let himself feel too optimistic yet.

When Casey opened his eyes almost a week after Severide had told him he could let go he clumsily tried to move his right hand up to take off his mask. He didn't succeed but Severide couldn't stop smiling, and he watched Casey with tear-filled eyes, scarcely believing what he was seeing.

Casey blinked to clear his vision and when his eyes started to focus properly he saw Severide grinning down at him. He returned the smile and pulled the mask away from his face, slipping it to one side so he could speak. "Hey Kel..." he croaked, his voice didn't sound like his own. It was strained and quiet, and his throat was raw.

"Hey yourself." Severide had hold of Casey's right hand again, stroking his fingers softly.

"I had... the strangest dream..."

"Oh yeah? What?" Severide was still grinning, and Casey didn't think he'd ever seen him grin so wildly, but then he didn't know he was lying in a hospital bed and that he had been so close to death for such a long time.

"Not… telling…" A faint smile came over Casey's weary features.

"You can't just say you had the strangest dream and decide not to divulge its contents..."

'"Why? Think... you were… in it? Nah... peacocks…" Casey's voice was hoarse and fading.

"Matty?" Severide frowned, not sure he had heard right.

"Giant peacocks..." Casey repeated.

"Oh boy, you are on some good drugs..."

"Uh huh..." was Casey's only response as his eyes close and he drifted off back to sleep. Casey didn't wake again until the following day and he wasn't very lucid when he did. He didn't really grasp what was going on or where he was, but he didn't care. He felt like his head was stuffed with cotton wool, his chest ached terribly and he couldn't move much. But nothing mattered because Severide was right by his side.

* * *

Casey was still sleeping most of the time, even though his system was stabilising and his fever had dropped back to around 100. More scans showed that the bone infection hadn't spread any further even though his blood tests still showed infection, the pneumonia was still present in his lungs and his body was slowly but surely fighting it. His lungs were becoming clearer each day. The hyperbaric chamber treatment had created a turning point. It had allowed Casey's body to fight back.

"Hey baby," Severide said, watching intently as Casey's eyes flickered open a while later. "Don't… let me do that," he told Casey after he had somehow managed to hit himself in the face with his right arm as he tried to remove the oxygen mask. It was irritating him now and he wanted it off. "Ok, let's get this on instead…" Severide slipped the mask from Casey's face and replaced it with the nasal cannula.

"Mm…" Casey frowned. "Where..?"

"You're in the hospital," he replied clearly.

"Uhh…" Casey just grimaced.

"Pain?"

"Back… my… arm…"

"Ok, don't worry, you've not had any painkillers for a few hours but you'll feel better real soon..." Severide hit the PCA button. "Promise ya."

"You're a..." Casey whispered a few moments later once the drugs had hit his system.

Severide laughed. "I'm a what?" he asked, wondering what Casey was gonna come out with next.

"Wizard..."

"Wizard, huh?" Severide repeated. "That's a new one. You dreamed about those as well? Giant peacocks versus Wizards?

"Huh?" A thoroughly bemused look crossed Casey's face. "Wha… are ya… talkin' 'bout..?"

"Never mind, not important." Severide laughed.

"Don't confuse… me…" Casey coughed out, his cough wasn't likely to clear for at least another six weeks but at least it would clear. "Head… feels funny…" Casey whispered and after a few moments of looking up at Severide with drug glazed eyes he just came out with, "You really need a shave."

Severide laughed once again and started to tease him. "Well, I don't have a whole floor of nursing staff falling over themselves because of my beauty, and pampering me with bed baths, and doing..." he trailed off.   
  
Casey was asleep. He stared down at him, Casey really was beautiful even though he had lost so much weight, even though his skin was tired and pale, even though he was still bed bound, attached to countless tubes and wires, and surrounded by medical equipment. Casey would always be the most beautiful thing in Severide's eyes.

* * *

Over the next few days Casey's lucidity improved hugely and memories of what had been happening to him began to surface. Severide was sitting by him late one afternoon with an almost completed Sudoku puzzle book he had been occupying his time with. Casey had been asleep almost all day, only waking for brief moments.

"How… long?" Casey's voice croaked sleepily.

"It's September 21st," Severide replied as he put down the puzzle book.

"I missed… summer…"

"Yeah but there's gonna be plenty more of those." Severide smiled.

"So… not dying?" he questioned.

"Not anytime soon. Not if I have anything to do with it," Severide told him with a renewed confidence in his voice.

"Don't understand..?"

"It worked Matty, the hyperbaric treatment worked. And it's still working. You still need a lot more sessions as well as the antibiotics but it's all working. You're gonna get better now," Severide's voice wobbled a little as he spoke.

Casey swallowed the lump in his throat. "Thought… I was a goner…" Tears sprang into his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. "Thought I was… gonna leave you... sorry…"

"Hey, hey, it's ok…" Severide rubbed Casey's arm, careful not to dislodge any of the tubing. "You fought this so hard and you did it, you did it. We can go back home and have the rest of our lives together."

"When… go home..?"

"There we go." Severide smiled.

"Wha..?"

"That's the question I've been waiting to hear since you opened your eyes a week ago," he explained. "And the answer – not soon," he said honestly.

"Not soon?"

"Few weeks… maybe." Severide knew it would not be the answer Casey wanted but it was the honest one.

"Weeks?"

"Matt everyone thought you were going to die, you were dying… it's gonna take a while to recover but you will," Severide nodded. "And I'll be right here with you."

"I don't… deserve you…" Casey whispered, "Always here?"

"Of course I'm always here," he replied, "I said I'd never leave, you'll believe me one day, right?"

"Believe you today…" Casey was struggling to keep his eyes open now. "You need to go back to work… place will fall apart without you…"

* * *

Severide went back to work a few days later. It was his first day back on shift after his extended furlough and Casey found it strange to return to an empty room when he got back from the hyperbaric chamber session. He spent most of the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep. He was still confined to the bed, he was still unable to even sit himself up without support and help. He was lying on his right side, eyes closed, when he heard the sound of light footsteps which stopped when they reached his side. He opened his eyes to see his nurse standing over him with a tray of equipment.

"Hey sweetie, just need to get your PEG tube ready and get those stitches out your arm," she warned him gently.

Casey shifted slowly and tentatively over onto his back, his left arm proving useless and falling limply by his side as he did so. He looked at it miserably. He was barely capable of moving it at all and his fingers had no strength. He couldn't see how it would recover sufficiently for him to ever re-join 51 but at least he was alive. Whilst he had been confined to a hospital bed the staff had worked with him to keep his muscles in reasonable condition which would make his recovery far easier. His spinal cord was still a little inflamed from the abscesses, he'd regained feeling and movement but the nurses and Severide could see how his movements were jerky at times and he had not walked for over a month now. Once he had been properly assessed he would start seeing a physiotherapist who would implement a rehabilitation regime for him, but that would have to wait until his vitals had improved further.

Sensing his thoughts the nurse began to reassure him, "You'll be seeing the physio pretty soon Matt, and then you'll get your strength back." She opened up his gown and readied his PEG tube. "There we go," she smiled. "Just gonna take out those stitches now, won't hurt one bit."

Casey was deep in thought as she got to work on his arm. "Will I… be able… to walk?" he asked in a soft voice, "I mean... I can feel my… legs now… but…"

"The doctors don't see any reason why you won't make a full recovery," she told him as she continued to snip the stitches and remove the threads.

"Really?" he questioned hoarsely, "After… everything?"

The nurse just nodded. "Yes, even after everything."

He looked down at the arm she was working on. "Almost lost that arm... so I should be able to move it properly again?'

"Full recovery will include your arm, Matt," she smiled. "Right, now it's incredibly weak from infection and surgeries. You've lost both tissue and bone, but they filled the bone," she explained, "So it will regain its full strength after rehab," she explained.

"Oh right…" he muttered in realisation, "Sorry... tired." His eyes were heavy and he wanted to close them.

"Get some sleep then, I'm not gonna be too long here."

"Spent most of this year asleep...I think..." he grinned, "But... still feel like I could... sleep for weeks..."

"You're probably going to, Matt. And that's a good thing. You need to do that to recover."

* * *

Recovery didn't happen quickly. There were very few remarkable feats but day by day Casey improved a little. His coughing fits lessened, his breathing started to ease and his waking hours increased. Physical therapy was completely exhausting for him but then so was just existing.

Casey was lying flat on his back in bed, physically and emotionally drained. He had just completed his first session down in the rehabilitation suite after a week of short exercises and stretches in his room. He had managed to stand up from the bed a few times, and taken a couple of shaky steps once. Today he had succeeded in walking along a row of bars assisted by two of his therapists, and then he had finally collapsed down into his wheelchair. Now he was aching all over and sweating like mad with the exertion. They were having less success with his arm, although his strength in it was growing a little each day. It would still take some time to regain its full range of movement though, he would have to complete every exercise set out for him each day.

Severide was sat silently in his room, he knew Casey wasn't up for much, he knew how drained he was after his rehab session, but he wanted to keep him company, he was scrolling through his phone when the nurse entered.

"Lunch time, Matt," she smiled at him while she prepared his feed. Despite Casey's exhaustion he opened his gown so the nurse could get to the PEG tube and he watched thoughtfully as the liquid was syringed in.

"Could I… have some real food… maybe?" he asked hesitantly.

The fact that Casey had even asked piqued Severide's interest, and he grinned, knowing how much this meant. They had asked Casey a few days back if he felt up to eating but he'd refused, recalling how ill it had made him previously. "You feel up to it?" Severide smiled.

"Think so…" Casey just shrugged his right shoulder.

"What would you like sweetie?" the nurse asked, "Some scrambled eggs to start with?"

"Sounds good," he replied.

"Right, scrambled egg it is then," the nurse beamed. "I'll make sure you get that instead of this…" she eyed the PEG tube as she fastened his gown back up, "… for dinner later."

"Thanks..." Casey said. "Feels like… months since… I ate food..."

"You're very welcome, Matt. I'm glad to see that you're getting your appetite back."

* * *

Casey had eaten his scrambled eggs at dinner with no issues but the next day after trying some soup for lunch his stomach rebelled and he threw up over the bed sheets before he'd managed to grab the basin, he'd been on his own, Severide was at work and he had the embarrassing task of calling for the nurse to clean up the mess he'd made.

"Sorry..." he was muttering as she came into the room.

"Matt, what have I told you about apologising?" she smiled as she gathered up the top sheet. "This is my job, to look after you, and I'm more than happy to do it. Believe me sweetie, I've seen far worse, you know."

"Yeah… suppose so... thanks," Casey smiled wanly.

The nurse unfolded a clean fresh sheet and laid it over Casey, before she unfastened his gown and removed it, immediately dressing him in a clean one. "Right, I'll be back in a minute, then I'm going to remove the stitches in your back and then…" she smiled, "I'm gonna give you my world famous sponge bath. Sound good? You'll feel better after that."

"Yeah, sounds good... thank you."

* * *

Nearly four weeks after Casey had started his recovery he took his first unaided steps.

"You're walking," Severide's voice was raised with elation as he watched Casey, who just laughed lightly as he continued to make his way to where Severide stood. He was still unsteady on his feet and every step was exhausting him but he was doing it, and he wouldn't give up until he reached him.

He almost collapsed into Severide's arms. "I did it… I walked…" he said breathlessly as the physio brought the wheelchair over to them.

"You sure did," Severide agreed wholeheartedly as he helped Casey down into the chair.

He was dripping with sweat and he was struggling to catch his breath back. "Think… I could… sleep… for a week… now…"

"No way, you've slept enough recently," Severide grinned, "I want to spend more time with you whilst you're conscious."

"Conscious and lucid," Casey grinned back.

"Hmm not necessarily… you are quite entertaining when you're not lucid," he teased Casey, as they began to head back to his room.

* * *

From that point onwards the nurses, and Severide when he wasn't on shift, helped Casey out of bed once in the morning and once each afternoon just so he could walk up and down the short stretch of corridor next to his room. He pulled along an IV pole which carried his fluids. His medications were still being given to him through the central line although they had recently stopped the steroids since he no longer needed them for his back. The PCA was still being used since his arm still pained him, though he tried to use it less and less. Eventually it was deemed safe enough for him to make the short trip to and from the bathroom on his own and the catheter was removed.

"Finally." Casey grinned at the nurse as she tidied up. "Don't think I've ever been so happy to use a toilet before," he broke into a laugh and she laughed with him.

It wasn't much later when Severide was standing outside the private bathroom in Casey's hospital room. He seemed to have been a long time and Severide was worried about him. "Matty, you ok in there?" he knocked on the door gently.

"No… Kel… I…" he heard Casey's voice echo from inside.

Severide pulled open the door and found Casey gripping the sink with his right hand, his jaw clenched with the effort. "Can't move? It's ok... I'll help you back..."   
  
But Casey was shaking his head, indicating that wasn't the problem. Then he saw Casey staring into the mirror and realised what was wrong.

Casey was staring at his reflection in dismay, his emotion clear to see. He could hardly recognise himself. Skin stretched over bone, his gown was hanging off him. He felt like a stranger in his own skin with all the tubes going into his body. He had seen the PEG tube and the central line in his chest a million times, at least that's what it felt like, and it wasn't a pretty sight, it was a mess. He suddenly began to feel disorientated and dizzy, the bathroom started closing in around him. All he could think of was how vulnerable he had been all this time while he had been in hospital

"Matty it's ok, it's ok," Severide spoke soothingly. "Let's get you back to bed..."   
  
But as he went to Casey to help him, he moved away slightly. "I can… do it…"

"Please let me." Severide just put an arm around his slight waist and helped him back to bed without Casey protesting further.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't care… but I…"

"It's a shock," Severide nodded in understanding, "But you've been so ill Matt, so ill, you're already starting to look a little better."

"Kelly... thank you."

"No..."

"Thank you for... everything... you don't look so great... yourself... need to look after you... not just me..."

"Don't give one thought to me Matt, you need to concentrate entirely on yourself... which I realise is a foreign concept for you..." Severide broke into a laugh but earned one of Casey's perfect dimpled smiles.

* * *

Although Casey was recovering he still had bad days, days where he couldn't face physio, where he couldn't face food or conversation, he was still nauseous every so often and his head was a mess of emotions. He'd been prepared to die, he'd accepted his fate but here he was, he knew he should be happy, he was happy, he really was, but at times his thoughts about the last few months were physically exhausting. And he was so fed of being stuck in the damn hospital, although he had managed a few trips outside with Severide, he just wanted to get as far away from the there as possible but he knew he'd not even make it down to the ground floor without help. And even if he was discharged anytime soon he still had a third of his oxygen therapy treatment to complete and they wanted him on IV antibiotics for a few a while longer before changing to pills.

Severide was doing his best to alleviate Casey's mood but even he was struggling, it all really had gone on too long now, they both wanted a break, both needed a break. He couldn't help smiling madly as he watched Casey devour some food.  
  
"This is… so good…" he said between mouthfuls of burger Severide had brought for from the joint down the block. The brown bag had been soaked with grease and Casey had been so appreciative when he'd arrive with it.

"Slow down a little…" Severide laughed.

"I'm fine," he nodded eagerly, "I've not thrown up for two days."

"That is an achievement - eating and not throwing up."

"It's so good…" he grinned as he picked the burger bag up, after a couple of bites he questioned, "Why didn't I eat this all the time? It really is good…"

"Because you are a meticulously healthy eater," Severide smiled at the thought, Casey rarely did fast food.

"It's so good though… I must sound mad…" he laughed

"No. you sounded mad when you were hallucinating and seeing colours…" Severide started.

"What did I see? Did I say anything?" he quizzed in quick succession.

Severide hesitated. "Nah, it was all nonsense."

Casey could easily sense there was something more but he said nothing and finished off his food. "I want one of these every day."

Severide was still smiling, he moved in to kiss Casey but he turned his head.

"Don't kiss me, I have onion breath…"

"I don't care."

* * *

In an attempt to cheer Casey up and make his life a bit more bearable until he could get out of the hospital Severide concealed himself in the bathroom after visiting hours were over, and luckily for him no-one checked that the place was empty. Once the lights were down he crept out into the main room and closed the blinds. The night staff probably wouldn't even notice.

Casey was sleeping quite peacefully when he was woken gently and he peered upward to find not a nurse checking in him, but Severide looking at him with a mischievous smile on his face. Casey frowned, wondering what was going on. "Kel..? You here..? I'm seeing things, aren't I?" he said aloud, more to himself than anything.

"No, you're not, I'm really here Matty," Severide reassured him, although he was sure Casey's hallucinations had insisted they were real too.

"S'dark though…"

"Great observational skills." Severide remained smiling.

"I mean… it's late… you're not allowed… to be here…"

"I thought we could have a movie night," Severide explained, "After all, it is Friday."

"They check on me throughout… the night…"

"Well, I can always go if you're scared of getting caught?

"Not scared… what's the worst… they can do? Throw you out..." Casey smiled, imagining the scenario in his head.

"Good, so..." He pulled a DVD from his bag. "Thought you'd like this, only released last month so I know you haven't seen it yet."

He passed the DVD over to Casey who had raised his bed up slightly so he was in more of a sitting position and would be able to watch the movie comfortably.

Severide turned on the small light above the bed head so Casey could read the cover detail. He stared at it gravely for a few moments. "You do know it's not... a spy movie like… the ones you're so fond of… right?"

"Yup. I did read the cover. Shay said it's hilarious, and I reckon you need a good laugh."

Soon the two of them were laughing away at the movie, even though most of the time Severide's eyes were on Casey rather than the on the TV screen. His face just lit up when he laughed and it was easy for Severide to see past his weary and sometimes pained features.

After they had finished watching the movie, Severide switch off the set and took out the DVD. And just like a naughty schoolkid he his back in the bathroom just before 10pm when the night nurse was due to come and check on Casey, who'd fallen asleep just before the credits began to roll.

By midnight Severide's upper half was lying on the bed next to Casey. The bed was plenty wide enough for the two of them if they lay on their sides but Severide didn't want to cause Casey any discomfort despite so desperately wanting to sleep with him. Casey remained fast asleep when Severide was woken by a slight noise. He opened his eyes to see nurse staring at them with a stern look on her usually cheery face. But she couldn't hold her expression for very long and soon broke into a grin.

"My lips are sealed," she said quietly, "But just make sure you are gone before rounds at 7am, Kelly Severide." And with that she looked Casey over, checked his monitors, lines and pulse-oximeter, wrote notes on his chart and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.


	10. Love

Time passed so slowly for Casey in the hospital now that he was a little healthier and a little stronger. He did receive some very welcome visitors who were all delighted to see him doing so much better than he had been a month previously, when they thought they would not see him again. He was cheerful and glad to see his 51 family plus some old friends, of course, Casey had no recollections of their last visits so it was good to see them again. Even though he wasn't completely physically healed his mental state was much improved. He was getting bored easily now and Severide was ecstatic about that because it signified that his boy was getting better if he no longer just wanted to while away every hour sleeping.

Casey was counting down the days until he could be discharged. His left arm was back in its sling for support but the physiotherapists were hopeful that it would soon be fully functioning as their work with Casey was going so well and he was improving with each session, although they did have one or two small setbacks because he tired so quickly and easily. He had a few more sessions scheduled in the hyperbaric chamber but soon he would only need to return to the hospital for his IV antibiotic's, the central line was still in place and would be for some time but soon he'd be able take the antibiotics orally.

It would be at least five months until he fully recovered from the infection and subsequent pneumonia but he wasn't going to complain because that was five months of life he didn't think he was going to get to live. Although Casey knew very well that recurrence of the MRSA would always be a possibility. Not probable. But possible.

Casey's PEG tube had finally been removed and the incision in his abdomen had been stitched. The nutritionist had given him a meal plan and lots of leaflets and advice when she had stopped by to see him the previous day. He was underweight and would need to gain at least twenty pounds but even that wouldn't take him up to his pre-injury weight. Casey still had a long hard road ahead of him, but he knew that as long as he had Severide and his full support he would be fine and he would make it back to 51 and his truck company. Casey's doctor had presented him with a long list of do's and a longer list of don'ts, one of which was no sexual activity for several more weeks. That one had earned a disgruntled look from both of them earlier that morning.

Severide had immediately banished Casey into bed when they arrived back at their apartment. He felt exhausted just with the journey home so he lay fully clothed on the bed with the sheets folded back while Severide unpacked the bags. No point in Casey trying to help because he knew he wouldn't be allowed, Severide wouldn't let him lift one finger. Besides which he knew it would take him way past the point of exhaustion. Severide was grinning when he walked back into the bedroom after putting some of Casey's things in the bathroom.

"Why are you still smiling?" Casey asked nonchalantly from his comfy position on the bed.

"We haven't slept in the same bed for ninety-six days," Severide told him as he took off his shirt and sat down next to Casey.

"Oh yeah?" he grinned at Severide's accuracy. "Your right hand get tired whilst I was busy dying?" A smirk made its way onto Casey's face.

"You're a funny guy." Severide's voice dripped with sarcasm as he deadpanned. He took off Casey's top and joggers, he'd bought him a few new clothes but they still hung off him. "Gonna be warm enough?" he nodded at Casey's boxers as he removed his own clothing.

"With you by side? Yes," Casey paused, "It's not night time…"

"That's not stopped us from sleeping together before," Severide shot back, laughing as he jumped onto the bed next to Casey and pulled the sheet up over the both of them.

He pulled Casey into a soft embrace and he soon fell asleep in Severide's arms. Severide didn't even close his eyes. He was thinking. He never thought he would have this again. Never thought Casey would come home from the hospital. It was a feeling of utter happiness and unconditional love that he had for Casey. The love of his life was lying next to him in his arms. No permanent damage despite what he had been through. Only scars, both physical and mental, but they would deal with those in due time. They would be overcome.

A short while later Severide was almost drifting off when he felt Casey move in his arms and he increased his hold. "Stop..." Severide said, keeping his voice at the level of a loud whisper. "Where are you going?"

"Need to take a leak... don't..." He pulled away from Severide's hold. "I can't just piss in the bed anymore, can I?" he laughed as he sat up and swung his legs out of bed.

"Fine but you better be back here real quick," Severide pouted with a laugh. He had wanted that embrace to last a lifetime.

"Well, if you're so desperate to be with me you can come with me then..." Casey began, getting to his feet. "Woah…" he plonked himself back onto the mattress.

"Ok, Matt?" Severide reached out and touched his back reassuringly. "Just take it slow, all right?"

Casey didn't say anything, and was just breathing deeply, trying to steady himself.

"Matty?"

"I'm ok," Casey replied through gritted teeth, "Just need to… sit for a moment…"

"Here," Severide offered his hand/ "You're supposed to be taking things slow, if that means I have to help you to the bathroom when you're dizzy then that's what I'll do."

"Just thought I was getting better... that's all..." Casey's voice was muffled behind his hands.

"Matt come on... you are! First night back at home, I'd say that was getting better."

"I know, sorry, I don't..."

"You've had a long day, you're exhausted, you were ill for nearly four months, it's gonna take some time to feel better."

Casey lowered his hands and took hold of Severide's firm grip. "Least I'm pissing in a toilet now," he scoffed, laughing at himself.

Severide just grinned back at him. "That's the spirit."

* * *

Casey was still lounging in bed long after Severide had woken, showered and dressed. Casey would have been content to lie there for the rest of the day. He was comfortable, he was pain-free, he wasn't nauseated and was breathing with ease. He would never take breathing in general for granted again but he knew he would have to get up and dressed. He had hospital appointments. He needed his daily IV does of antibiotics, at least he had no physio today and he was thankful he was now an outpatient. He'd not have any more overnight stays for the rest of his life if he had any say in the matter.

Severide stuck his head into the bedroom to check that Casey was awake and up. He saw that he was struggling to get his clothes on. "Damnit…" Casey muttered from inside the body of a t-shirt. It was stuck over his head and he seemed unable to get it on.

"Here," Severide said as he moved over to help him. He straightened the item of clothing out and pulled the sleeves into place so Casey could get his arms through.

"Thanks," Casey said he managed to put his arms into the sleeves. "Left arm's still a bastard..."

"I'll happily help you to get dressed for the rest of your life," Severide smiled as Casey's head emerged through the neck hole of the garment, and he pulled it down into place.

Casey grinned widely, "Ha… you do realise that is gonna be a lot longer now right?"

* * *

Casey continued to do very little, he wasn't capable of doing very much yet anyway, he was happy just lying beside Severide, either in bed or on the couch. He had arranged for most of his physio sessions to take place whilst Severide was on shift, firstly so that he had at least got something to focus on while he was on his own and secondly because he didn't want to waste what precious time they had together.

As for Severide, he just wanted to spend every spare moment with Casey in his arms. He would trace the scars on his back and tell him how beautiful he finds him if Casey was having a hard day because recovery was tough. He still had no strength and he tired so very quickly even after little exertion, it was easy for him to lose motivation. He had no real idea how long it was going to take for him to get back to work. He kept on insisting that he was happy enough with his progress although Severide knew that the desire to get better and get back to work had crept in. At times it drove Casey forward but at others it made him miserable because he hadn't even the energy to walk around the block.

Some things were getting back to normal, albeit slowly. Casey started to do some cooking again and he had once tried to clean their apartment. What a mistake that had proved to be. When Severide had spotted him with a duster in his hand he had looked so shocked and angry at the same time that Casey had thought he was about to have an aneurysm. In the end Casey had put the cleaning supplies down and his hands up in mock surrender before going to sit back down on the couch.

Casey's hyperbaric chamber sessions were all over, the treatment course had finished, and he only had one more week left on the antibiotics. He had come so far with his physio and rehab that he now had full movement of his left arm but it was still very weak and he wore it in the sling most of the time, especially outside the apartment so he didn't jar it.

He thoroughly enjoyed going grocery shopping with Severide, mostly because it seemed to be the only activity the Severide deemed safe for him to do, although he was only allowed to walk by Severide holding their shopping list. He laughed at Severide's concern for him but he did understand it. If the situation had been reversed he would be acting exactly the same.

On one of their expeditions to Wal-Mart one Sunday afternoon Casey had been trailing behind Severide, who was pushing the cart across the parking lot, when everything seemed to start tilting and he found himself collapsing onto his knees. He didn't the strength or stability to prevent himself falling right down onto the ground, landing on his left side. He grunted loudly in pain as he hit the tarmac.

"Sev..." Casey managed to mumble before it all went black.

Severide hadn't realised Casey wasn't right by him until he heard someone calling loudly behind him. "Hey! Hey! Your friend's fallen… looks like he's out!" Severide turned instinctively and saw Casey lying on the ground surrounded by a small cluster of people.

"Shall I call 911?" someone was asking.

"Stand back, give him some air," another voice said.

"His friend's here... does he need an ambulance?"

Severide left the shopping cart full of their groceries at the edge of the growing crowd of onlookers and knelt down by Casey.

"Matt! Matty!" Casey could hear his name coming from somewhere. He was disorientated and in pain but he struggled to get up, trying to push himself off the ground and into a sitting position with his good arm. It didn't seem to work properly and he had to rely on Severide lifting him up. He could hear him thanking the crowd of would-be helpers, checking him over for injuries, talking to him all the while, but he had no idea what Severide was actually saying to him. Blood was starting to trickle down his face from a graze along his cheekbone and brow. He could feel his lower lip swelling and bleeding where he had bitten it on impact. His right wrist had ballooned to twice its normal size, clearly sprained as he had instinctively held out it out to try and stop his head hitting the ground first.

Severide knew Casey had no major injuries so he lifted him as gently as he could to his feet and helped him into the car, fetching the cart of shopping and slinging all the groceries into the trunk. He deserted the trolley right next to the parking spot and drove out as quickly as he dare without breaking the speed limit, heading for the nearest ER.

As Severide drove frantically to Lakeshore Casey was insisting that he was fine and that he didn't need to be going to the ER but nothing was ever going to change Severide's mind so Casey eventually gave up and just went along with it. After they reported in at the desk in the ER it took them over an hour to be seen, during which time Severide could hardly sit still and kept getting up and pacing around, complaining that Casey needed to be seen quickly. He was sure none of his injuries were serious but what bothered him most was the reason for him falling in the first place. Severide's mind was fraught with worry that Casey's infection was making itself known again.

Eventually Casey was called over by a nurse, and the two lieutenants followed her over to one of the ER bays, where Casey got onto the bed while the nurse took some details from him. He seemed to be reasonably clear headed and lucid but Severide was taking no chances after what had happened to him over the last six months.

When the doctor came round to see Casey, he removed Casey's t-shirt and took his vitals, listening to his chest and heart. "Your temperature is 97.8, is that usual for you?" the doctor asked as he continued to examine Casey.

"That's about right for him at the moment, he's just getting over pneumonia and..." Severide piped up.

"Yes I see from his medical records, you've had a pretty rough time of it then?" the doctor spoke back to Casey.

"I'm fine, honestly. I just went dizzy, light-headed. Shoulda sat down..." Casey was still insisting he was fine. He just wanted to be out of there as soon as he possibly could.

"Matty, just let the doctor do his job," Severide stated, interrupting him.

The doctor gave Casey a quick smile as he checked his blood pressure and respiration rate. All in normal range for him at the moment. "Ok so far so good. While you're waiting for the x-ray I'm going to get a nurse to come and clean up these grazes and cuts, and she'll take some blood so we can see what's happening there. I'll speak to your doctor over at Gaffney too. In the meantime try not to worry too much." His last few words were aimed more towards Severide that Casey. He was clearly the one who was more worried.

Casey just lay back and relaxed into the bed. He was pretty exhausted and it had turned out to be a much longer trip out than either of them had anticipated. "Kel..." Casey began in an odd tone of voice.

"Sounds ominous," Severide responded from his seat next to the bed.

"What happened to all our groceries? You didn't leave them…"

"No, I didn't, the stuff's all in the trunk. Loaded it all in after I picked you up off the ground."

"Good," Casey replied, "I'm looking forward to that lasagne... looks as if you're gonna have to make it now though. I can supervise if you need..."

Severide grinned as Casey reached out his arm towards him. He took hold of his outstretched hand and placed it back on the bed. Casey's face had a resigned expression now.

"Listen, everything is gonna be all right… and quit moving that arm, ok?" Severide's tone was that of a mock order, making Casey smile in response.

"While we're waiting you might as well go get something to eat, get a coffee or something..."

Severide shook his head. "No. I'm fine here."

He had replied just a little too quickly and Casey was suspicious about what he was thinking. He took a proper look at Severide, his eyes searched his face. "You're scared..." Casey said softly, keeping his voice low, "No need. I'm fine, just passed out, that's all, it's no big deal..."

"Matty. we're in the hospital again. You blacked out and fell. Your face is a mess and your wrist could be broken. And the infection could be back..."

"I was just tired, not eaten enough… mean, looked at me… a strong wind could knock me over. Please don't be scared."

A moment later a nurse appeared through the curtain, carrying a tray containing the equipment she needed. "Hi Matt. I'm Carol. I'm just gonna take some blood and then I'll get you cleaned up, all right?" She looked down at his wrist. "How's the pain? You need anything for it?"

Casey just shook his head.

"You're sure? It looks pretty painful…"

"It feels all right, really. Compared to what I've had before, it's nothing," Casey told her.

She tied a tight band around his arm and tried to raise a vein so she could take some bloods but it took her three attempts before she could get the needle into the correct place. She apologised profusely, saying she didn't usually have any trouble.

Casey simply laughed. "Don't worry about it, you guys have been sticking my veins for months, looks like they've started to protest..." he joked, partly to try and improve Severide's mood and partly for the nurse's benefit.

After the nurse had cleaned up Casey's face and placed some butterfly stitches over the graze above his brow, which had already swollen with bruising, and after he had been up to the x-ray suite he was still awake although he was quiet and becoming more drowsy as time went on. They'd been in the ER for almost three hours when Severide told him to go to sleep, seeing how his eyes were almost closing and he couldn't fight to keep them open any longer. He would have fallen straight to sleep if it weren't for the curtains being pulled back and the ER doctor appearing.

Severide was tensed up and grabbed Casey's hand, purely an anxious reaction in case it was bad news. But the doctor put them both at ease immediately. "Everything's fine. There's nothing to indicate another infection. The blood sugar level was low which is probably what caused the blackout and fall."

"Told ya…" Casey slurred languidly, smiling at Severide. "No need to worry 'bout me... what about the wrist?" he asked the doctor.

"Well, it's a bad sprain but not broken. You'll need to wear this for three to four weeks. You can take Advil or Tylenol for the pain and any swelling." The doctor removed the temporary splint from Casey's injured wrist and replaced it with a black brace, fastening it with the Velcro straps as tightly as he could bear but so it was comfortable.

"So I'm good to go then?" Casey was more alert now.

But just as the doctor was starting to reply Severide spoke up. "Shouldn't he be having an MRI or something? What if you've missed something? He almost..."

Casey cut him off. "Kelly, I just blacked out, that's all. Need to make sure I take snacks out with me so it doesn't happen again."

"Matt's right," the doctor smiled. "And you two are free to get out of here then."

Severide agreed reluctantly and shook the doctors hand, thanking him.

* * *

The journey back home from Lakeshore was only about twenty minutes but Casey managed to spend most of it fast asleep. Severide couldn't help but constantly glance from the road to Casey's sleeping figure. Seeing the gentle rise and fall of his chest was something that Severide was never take for granted again.

Later in the evening they lay together in bed just for the comfort and reassurance that it brought them after so many months of stress and pain, both emotional and physical. They had been through so much now and wanted to spend as much time together relaxing as they could and where better to do that than in their luxurious kingsize bed. Besides which, still no sex for Casey for some weeks, doctor's orders, and Severide was going to see that he stuck to that rule even if he felt like he was suffering for it. Half a year was a hell of a long time not to be deep inside his boy. But it wouldn't be forever.

"I was so scared that this wouldn't happen again Matt," Severide said softly, his fingers were gently making patterns on Casey's arm.

"Sorry I worried you," Casey told him, his head laid on Severide's chest. His left hand was toying with the top of Severide's boxers. "I'd promise that I won't black out and fall again but..."

"I know, it's not your fault. Well at least you're starting to gain some weight."

Casey just smiled into Severide's chest. "Needs to be some muscle though..." he retorted.

"Already is, all that rehab is doing you the world of good and you'll be able to get back to your old workout routine before too long, and you should have the all clear to go running soon... although I'm gonna ban you from doing that on your own..." Severide was thinking aloud now.

"You're gonna ban me?" Casey smirked as if to say 'no chance of that happening.'

"Do I need to remind you that you blacked out whilst out grocery shopping today?"

"Well that's exactly why I don't have the all clear to do anything more than the exercises set out by the physio. They're nearly as strict as you are…"

Severide just grinned and feeling supremely relaxed he closed his eyes, drifting on a sea of happiness. He fell asleep with Casey wrapped beneath his arms. There was no better feeling in the world.

* * *

Casey was exhausted after another hospital appointment a few days later. He'd had an hour long physio session, made all the more complicated now he'd injured his wrist, after receiving his antibiotics. They had only just managed to get there on time as Severide's shift had overrun and he hadn't even had time to shower for fear of Casey not making it to the hospital. But they had made it just in time and everything had gone perfectly after that.

They arrived back at their apartment shortly before noon and decided to share a nice warm shower together. Severide felt filthy after his shift and just wanted Casey to be in there with him. He wanted to build on their closeness and intimacy again, feeling that some of it was still lost, he knew it would come back once Casey had recovered completely but it seemed to be taking forever, although it was time they thought Casey would never have, he wasn't going to complain and he wasn't going anywhere. And neither was Casey. So they would just take things slowly and just enjoy each other's company, just laying with Casey was more than enough. Besides, Severide knew that full on sex was out of the question right now. It was still on Casey's list of 'don'ts' given to him by the doctors when he had been discharged. So for the time being he just had close physical contact. On the couch, in bed, hell even in the shower would do. Better than no Casey at all.

After their shower the aromatic fragrance of the body oil Severide had rubbed into Casey's skin had filled the apartment. Casey had disappeared into the bedroom to get some rest, as he often did, so Severide decided to entertain himself and watch some TV. He flicked through the menu to check if anything took his attention. Eventually he hit on a programme listing for Fishing and tuned the channel to that to watch 'River Monsters' since it sounded interesting enough and he thought Casey might like to watch it whenever he emerged again. So with a beer in his hand he settled back in the couch to watch.

Severide had almost finished his can of beer when Casey finally put in an appearance, his hair was hanging in still-damp tendrils around his face, he was dressed in a vest, self-conscious of his body even in just his own company, and light cut off sweatpants that both hung off him. He still had a pink flush to his skin from the shower and Severide felt as if he could just jump him right there and then as he walked towards him. He could feel the heat rushing to his groin as Casey sat down by him on the couch. Casey was still sleepy and only half awake, he smelled of the oil and that was turning Severide on more than ever. But he just had to control his urge. For the time being. No way would he want Casey to feel inadequate because he couldn't have sex. He didn't want him to think that was the only reason he was here, or that he would leave if sex was lacking in their relationship, not with his bundle of trust issues.

Casey just watched he TV screen for a few moments, then without warning, and without even turning his head to face Severide, he just came out with it. "Kel ... you're hard." Just like that, a very matter-of-fact statement.

"Well spotted... can't help it, seeing you walking around with your clothes hanging off like that..." Severide breathed heavily, he had been about to get up and make a quick trip to the bathroom.

"So maybe we should go to the bedroom then?" Casey almost whispered, but he still didn't turn to look at Severide.

"Since when did we need a bedroom?" Severide whispered back, his lips close to Casey's ear, he was eager now. He moved closer to Casey and gently placed his lips against Casey's and sucking them playfully. He raised a hand and pulled the vest down so he could stroke Casey's chest, mindful of the central line that was still there. He moved a hand to stroke Casey's groin. He so wanted to get him hard, like he was already. Carefully and slowly, he manoeuvred Casey around so he was underneath him and he pulled down the sweatpants so he could get full access.

But there was little reaction from Casey and he eventually started to struggle to get out from under Severide, mumbling. "Stop Kel… I can't… sorry… I can't…"

Severide sat up and let Casey get up off the couch, watching him as he pulled his sweatpants back up with a look of dismay on his beautiful face. Severide couldn't bear his distress and he stood up, looking Casey directly in the eye, "Matty… it's ok," he said as he stroked Casey's hair, "It's fine. You're still sick. I shouldn't have let it get any further..."

Still distressed Casey shook his head and almost fell onto his knees. He raised his hands and touched the exposed flesh of Severide's hips, then gripping the waist of his boxers Severide's overwhelming urge was to let Casey continue, he needed that release but he knew it was wrong. It wasn't fair on Casey and Severide just prayed that he wasn't doing it out of some sense of obligation, although Severide had a terrible suspicion that he was. He raised his own hands from where their resting place on Casey's hair. He took hold of his wrists and gently but firmly removed Casey's hands from his hips.

Casey looked up into Severide's eyes, questioning his actions. Severide just shook his head.

"Matty, stop. Not like this. I want it to be perfect for both of us. We'll wait until you are better. I'll wait for you."

"No…" Casey tried to move his hands from Severide's grip, "Let me… you took so much care of me… just let me…"

"Matt, please don't, you look like you're gonna collapse, this doesn't matter, I love you, it's not about sex. Just lie with me."

* * *

Seven months after the central line was inserted the same nurse removed it with a smile. Casey was still not a hundred percent, he still grew short of breath and still tired easily but with now his chest was free of the central line he felt healthier. He looked healthier too despite only slowly gaining weight, he still lost his appetite at times and sometimes struggled to keep the food down but now he was being switched to oral antibiotics they hoped he'd receive less of the side effects. He was soon signed off from the physio too but it would take some time to fully recover his strength but he had full mobility of his right arm and he was more than grateful for that, grateful just for the fact that he still had the limb, grateful for everything everyone had done for him because he knew he wouldn't be here without all their help, the hospital staff and Severide. Especially Severide.

The sling was gone for good but they did nothing adventurous to celebrate, that evening they'd just stayed in and played scrabble in front of their roaring fire place, Casey was in a jumper and Severide was in a thin shirt but he'd happily suffer the heat from the fire, Casey grew cold so easily, always had but more so now.

"That is not real word…" Severide sat back and stared down at the board.

"I can get the dictionary out to prove it," Casey replied, a smug smirk on his lips, "It's real word. Trust me."

"Sundog," he read it aloud, "No. You've made that up."

"You just gotta face the fact that better at scrabble than you and I am gonna win every single time," he grinned.

"You're too competitive," Severide shook his head.

"Damn right I am… and you wouldn't have it any other way."

Severide leant over the board and kiss him on the lips.

"Hey… you're still gonna lose… no matter how many times you kiss me, you might have the most perfect lips in the world but nothing is gonna distract from this game."

"Oh yeah?" Severide was looking down at Casey's hardening member and felt heat rise in his own groin.

"Well maybe we should come back to this later…"

"I think that's a good idea."

* * *

Days passed by and as Casey recovered the idea of going back out on the lake became more and more enticing.

The movement of the boat in time with the waves by the wooden jetty was comforting, even soothing to Casey as he sat on the upper part of the deck, legs dangling over the cabin door entrance. He held a bottle of Gatorade in one hand and a snack in the other. They'd been out on the lake most of the day, taking advantage of the mild autumn before winter took hold. Casey was watching Severide doing the… well… something at the other end of the boat with a rope. Severide's boat was his domain and his alone, and despite promising Casey he'd teach him out to sail it apparently the opportunity still hadn't arisen, although Casey was happy to sit and watch Severide do all the hard work, he wasn't sure he'd much use anyway, although he felt a ten times better than even just a month ago.

Soon Severide reappeared next to Casey. He stood between Casey's legs, his head roughly the same height as Casey's shoulders. Casey had finished the high protein snack and the Gatorade. His hands were free. He placed one hand on either side of Severide's head, gently tilting his face up towards him. Then he bent over and kissed his mouth, it was several moments before he broke away.

"What was that about?" Severide smiled up at him.

Casey shrugged. "Guess I just wanted to say thanks for everything, even if you can be overprotective at times," he grinned.

Severide smiled, he was gently touching Casey's knees, "Maybe I am over protective of you, rightfully so though..."

"You saved me," Casey stated with a nod, "You really did Kelly."

"Nah, it was all down to you…"

"Shh... listen to me," Casey smiled and placed a finger over Severide's lips to silence him. "Without you I wouldn't be here now. I couldn't have done it on my own."

"You could have and you did," Severide replied, "You're the strong…"

"No, no I didn't," Casey spoke gently but determinedly, "I reckon love is a pretty powerful thing and I'm sorry I doubted yours..."

Severide face broke into the best smile Casey had seen for a very long time, all the worry and stress seemed to have gone. "Well, we both know that you have trust issues and we both know that I have never had a great record with relationships and commitment…"

"I trust you completely. I mean… you could have left me, should have left me… for anyone while I was so sick for all that time. But you didn't. You didn't leave me…" his voice almost broke and he was holding back tears as he said his thoughts aloud. "Everyone always leaves… but you didn't and if I didn't have you to live for I wouldn't have survived this."

Severide wiped away the stray tear from Casey's face, they were both smiling now. "So, you gonna marry me then, Matthew Casey? Or do I need to get us some rings and get down on my knees and beg you?"

"Don't need a ring, just need you..." Casey pulled Severide in close to him, arms around him, holding his head against his chest.

"Guess we'll have to figure work out," Severide commented.

"We'll figure it out... in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter..."

"Are you gonna go all philosophical on me now you've stared death in the face and won?"

"I have nine lives remember?" Casey grinned.

"Yeah and you're using them all up..."

"Well, as long as I get to spend them all with you, I don't care."


End file.
